After 6 years I still love him, he doesn't love me AT ALL !

[Crestfallen]

I ve been dating my 'best friend' on and off for 6 years.

I took it for granted that as close as we have been as friends and with the close intimacy we shared dating at times that he loved me.

Background: he's mid 30s, Im late 20's Female.

He has a stressful job and Ive thought thats the reason for us not being a solid couple.

We have been very close, but hed get busy with work and things would cool off for a while and we'd repeat the cycle.

Instead he dropped a bombshell on me recently and said although he cares for me he does not love me and that if he did love me he would treat me a lot better. He said this to me after I had I told him I loved him a lot. I wasnt looking for him to say he loved me back, I just said it lightly in passing.

 

>:-(

 

He then said he still loves an ex of his. He said although she doesnt love him as much as he loves her he thinks he'll end up marrying her. (A woman who treated him crappy) He then dared to ask me this zinger: is it better to marry a person who loves you whom you dont love or to marry a person whom you love who doesnt love you. -

I said to him that I could nt believed he ask that question. He then replied he wouldnt marry me and the question wasnt about me.

arghhh.

 

I have devoted all my time to this guy and considered him my best friend possible.

 

How the heck can I salvage the friendship after he said the above to me ?

I feel like I should cut all ties with him, but then I feel like my life would be very empty (I have virtually no family, all my other friends have moved away and are busy with their husbands/babies)

 

He and I share the exact same interests and Im scared Ill be reminded of him just lviing my day to day life for unbearable amount of time.

 

Opinions greatly appreciated.

[Arabess]

You feel about him the same way he feels about her.

 

Try to understand where he is coming from. He has no more control of the way his heart feels as you do. Love is like that. Not everyone gets who they want.

 

Whereas, you can be a great friend and support sysytem, you can't make him be in love with you.

[moimeme]

I took it for granted that as close as we have been as friends and with the close intimacy we shared dating at times that he loved me.

 

Oh dear. I know you know this now, but one should never assume such things. At some point, if you find that your friendship for someone is changing, you need to decide whether you can continue as friends or if you want to pursue a more involved relationship. If the latter, then you need to have some sort of discussion about it.

 

I know this is doing you no good at this moment, but I hope you'll keep it in mind for any other similar situation.

 

Anyone who still 'loves' someone who treated him 'crappy' probably wouldn't be a good bet anyway. People ought to have enough respect for themselves to refuse to accept being treated badly. This is not love, it's sickness.