Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) No, I can't put my real picture up here. Not a good idea. I liked this girl because she looks a lot like me, only my hair is a bit longer and curly. Sorry for the rant. It's just that the circumstances of the breakup are beyond my comprehension sometimes - and that's part of why it's so difficult to get over this. I feel like, if you are going to break up with someone after two and a half years - somebody who obviously adores you and with whom you have a pretty passionate relationship - you could maybe just sit down and have a rational "this isn't working out" talk with them. But my ex is more than a bit of a coward. And at the time I had some pretty serious health issues and an upcoming surgery, so he knew what he was doing was pretty crappy. Anyhoo, ENOUGH with the griping and complaining. Gheesh I irritate myself sometimes with my bitterness. Edited February 10, 2011 by makelemonade1974
Movingthrough Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) No, I can't put my real picture up here. Not a good idea. I liked this girl because she looks a lot like me, only my hair is a bit longer and curly. Sorry for the rant. It's just that the circumstances of the breakup are beyond my comprehension sometimes - and that's part of why it's so difficult to get over this. I feel like, if you are going to break up with someone after two and a half years - somebody who obviously adores you and with whom you have a pretty passionate relationship - you could maybe just sit down and have a rational "this isn't working out" talk with them. But my ex is more than a bit of a coward. And at the time I had some pretty serious health issues and an upcoming surgery, so he knew what he was doing was pretty crappy. Anyhoo, ENOUGH with the griping and complaining. Gheesh I irritate myself sometimes with my bitterness. It stinks because so much of this (like mine) is almost obvious but still doesnt help. Im a guy, and i can tell you right now that if it hit a point where he was physically kicking you out and throwing a fit, that it has been on his mind for a while. I was in a relationship for years where i truly felt for the girl, but it was never enough. My mind kept telling me to let it go and break it off but there was still a connection there and i so bad wanted it to work. Then one day it ended and i know i broke her heart, i still feel bad about it. But girls and guys get with people because they fill some type of void, something about them really connects us, but we see the problems from the beginning and still go with it, hoping the sex, the i love you's etc will fix the problem. I havent read your other posts but it sounds like he was very up and down, obviously something that is not good. Its funny how as humans we go with stuff anyway "hoping" it will work, then we get screwed at the end. One thing in therapy (which you could try out) that has helped me is to know that the next person i meet will not be like this. When you look back on your past we see all the red flags and say damn i should have broken it off then, so you think you are really going to do that again? Nope, not after this pain. Im guilty with it just like everyone else, but these last few weeks for me have really shown me that most of what happens to us we could have avoided, which makes me feel better because NOW we are in control, we are single and ready to meet someone else. Like you i sometimes feel i wont ever meet someone, im young but my job doesnt allow me to be around a lot or to be very social, yet, every time i have met a girl it has been unplanned and just randomly happened, which means it CAN happen again. My dad just met a girl and is super happy, he is almost 60. The truth is, you can always meet someone, but it has to just happen. Edited February 10, 2011 by Movingthrough
gator12 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I was dumped -at 3am while both of us were drunk - after he had screamed at me for two hours (over I don't even know what - while I apologized), pushed me several times, and then picked me up and physically threw me out of the apartment and slammed the door. That was September 27th, 2010. Less than 24 hours before, we had made love and said we loved each other. I have not heard a word from him since, NOTHING, except for this poem last week in my mailbox (not written by him) - which tells me, in literary allusion, to go jump in front of a train. I agree, I don't think being friends is an option. I want a f***ing apology. I love reading on here about stories from people who are like "he broke up with me and we both cried, etc. and he told me I was good too good for him" and all of that. THAT is how normal people break up. I'm not saying it's easier for other people because I know it's not. It's just that other people are not insane Narcissists like my ex. I miss him, my body wants him back, but my mind says run away and never look back. That said, thanks for the advice Gator. You are a rock on this forum and I know a lot of people think so. In the end if he comes back nothing will stop him, and you will have the power to decide if he is what's right for you. But none of that matters right now, you need to get yourself better. You sound like a wonderful person so go out and have fun. I am sure if I think it some other guys out there will too. Enjoy your life and smile, the apology could take years to ever come but it doesn't matter you are going to be fine with or without it. The only place to go from here is up -Gator
Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks movingthrough - I do have faith that there are better people out there, I just don't need any of them right now. I'm happy all by my self. And I agree that the breakup was premeditated - in fact I know it was from what mutual friends have told me. That just hurts all the worse. His "raging" is part of the NPD. It usually happened when I disagreed with him. So clear in retrospect. And I agree that we try and try to fill that hole when we know it's not the right person. I think it's because if the sex is good and the "love feelings" make you high, you start to believe it's worth almost any sacrifice. Kind of like being addicted to a drug. Gator - you are right, I am going UP UP UP. Thanks for the support. I hope to all hell he doesn't come back. At least not before I'm ready to tell him where to go when he does. Keep on keepin' on!
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Author makelemonade1974 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Somebody please get rid of this troll. And in the meantime, nobody click on any of the links - bizarreness.
Whatshername Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 That was weird....the Greek stuff. My ex separated himself from me as well, and looking back, wow, you see SO many little things that at the time went right over your head. He had been wanting a govt civil service job. He interviewed in late November and told me like maybe a week later. Odd, I was like, if I had a job interview, I would have told him BEFORE it happened...... He went to the dr and had a mole removed from his neck - never mentioned it. This was right before the holidays. During after Christmas shopping, while in the car with 3 of my 4 children(grown) he was saying something about his job(he hated it, cube rat, but great $) I said , well you could quit if it is that bad(he has retirement from another job) and he said "I already did". Me........wow, really. I was SO embarrassed and hurt, it silenced me for awhile. I think the whole going out w/ the other woman had him separated from me. Of course I didn't know until AFTER Christmas. Meanwhile, he spent Christmas time at my house for DAYS, with my family and he spent like $1500 on me, and bought REALLY well thought out gifts, things I wanted, and exactly the camera I had my eye on. VERY unlike him, who always waits until the last minute and asks me what I want, like on Christmas Eve. He had even made it a point, throughout December, to mention going "Christmas shopping." Guess that was code for "seeing someone else". Makes me want to puke now. I later found out (I spoke to her........another story) that SHE knew about his new job, and he also told her he had vacation days to use (obviously he didn't want to spend them with me....which hurt since we are LD and spend all our free time together). So, it was one big, slow separation. Physical, emotional, mental, everything. Yet he went through the motions of being there, lovemaking, etc. I honestly think, that if I had not seen the texts, he would have covered up his discretion, and gotten himself back to normal and we would still be together, with me knowing nothing was amiss. I had a good day. No tears, I put Valentine packages together and mailed them. I also got my ass kicked in the Crossfit class. If I can get out of bed tomorrow, after 100+ squats, and 45+ burpees......I will TRY to get in the pool after work to massage my aching neck, back and thighs! Check this out: this is a burpee Thought of the day....... I do not care WHAT they want you to perceive.....I KNOW they feel pain from being how they are. I think they want to want what we offer, but can't do it, and it comes out so ugly, after they push us away, blaming us for THEIR inability to relate in a healthy way, when deep inside, they hate us, (but all the while LOVING us) for being everything they can never be.... for being REAL (his word for me).
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