waynebrady Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Traditonally the man does the pusuing, I'm fine what that. Women have their reasons for making the man "chase"(such as seeing that the guy isn't just after sex). Some say it's biological, And I agree with that. Men have always been the chaser, and among animals too it's almost always the male who chases the female. But still though, you can't deny this tradition is in your favor as a woman. Traditionally the man earns more money and is the primary breadwinner in a marriage or long term relationship, this is also more or less biological. Men have always been the breadwinners aslong as mankind has existed. And most men want to provide, thats in our nature. This I guess could be said is more in our favor as men. I would chase/pursue a woman if I liked her enough, but I also wouldn't pursue a woman unless she was a league below me financially. Hey thats just how it is... Can you imagine how emasculating it would for me as a man to chase a woman who makes more money than me? Honestly I wouldn't do that no matter what. Alot of women say men should chase, it's in our nature, it's our duty to pursue and etc etc. But also wants to earn as much or more than the man. (offcourse it should be equal pay for the same job no matter male/female though). That way I see it. Either you play it traditional in both aspects or you don't play it traditional at all. Women with good careers who earns more or as much as the man really shouldn't come and say the man should pursue or initiate everything. A self respecting man won't pursue a woman who earns more than himself. What are your oppinions on this?
Pyro Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Traditonally the man does the pusuing, I'm fine what that. Women have their reasons for making the man "chase"(such as seeing that the guy isn't just after sex). Some say it's biological, And I agree with that. Men have always been the chaser, and among animals too it's almost always the male who chases the female. But still though, you can't deny this tradition is in your favor as a woman. Traditionally the man earns more money and is the primary breadwinner in a marriage or long term relationship, this is also more or less biological. Men have always been the breadwinners aslong as mankind has existed. And most men want to provide, thats in our nature. This I guess could be said is more in our favor as men. I would chase/pursue a woman if I liked her enough, but I also wouldn't pursue a woman unless she was a league below me financially. Hey thats just how it is... Can you imagine how emasculating it would for me as a man to chase a woman who makes more money than me? Honestly I wouldn't do that no matter what. Alot of women say men should chase, it's in our nature, it's our duty to pursue and etc etc. But also wants to earn as much or more than the man. (offcourse it should be equal pay for the same job no matter male/female though). That way I see it. Either you play it traditional in both aspects or you don't play it traditional at all. Women with good careers who earns more or as much as the man really shouldn't come and say the man should pursue or initiate everything. A self respecting man won't pursue a woman who earns more than himself. What are your oppinions on this? So how exactly is a man disrespecting himself if he goes after a woman who makes more than him?
Author waynebrady Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 So how exactly is a man disrespecting himself if he goes after a woman who makes more than him? Because it's emasculating. That would be putting the woman on a pedestal. She already earns more and the man would still chase her, woo her. She'd have every advantage. She'd have the upper hand at all times. I honestly don't think that would work anyway. Most men would feel inadequate in the long run, and if the man has done the chasing that means he is also more invested in the relationship and is more into the woman the vice versa. It would be too much of a inbalance.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I think we should not judge Wayne about this. There are allot of women who would feel they should have a man who makes more money than them who can "take care of them (in exchange for their sexual services)" There are plenty of men who think that men are to take care of women. Then there are people who want a partner in life....not a whore/pimp relationship by another name.
hydorclops Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 You're emphasizing and exaggerating the power struggle. Start looking for other ways to view interactions with women.
Hules Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Hrrm going to have to disagree with you on this one. I see no issue with going after a women who makes more than you if you like her and she likes you. I only see this as an issue if you have low self esteem and need to prove your worth through $ signs. Money is not the primary motivator for everyone you know I have a few friends who are stay at home dad's because their lady makes more than them they don't feel less of a man because there lady loves them for who they are not the size of there wallet.
denise_xo Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I have always earned more than my H. I take offence by your suggestion that this means he doesn't respect himself. It doesn't 'give me the upper hand'. It might be hard for you to believe, but there are quite a few people out there who approach partnerships exactly like that - partnerships. We have never 'played it traditional'. I am not attracted to 'traditional' men.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Something tells me that when people say traditional they mean a relationship where the man dominates and has power and control over the woman. Power and control in the relationship being the motivating factor. Men who need that power and control are universally men who have little power and control of any other domain in life in other words loosers. Looser's who attract women with low self esteem then abuse them and call it tradition.
Author waynebrady Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Something tells me that when people say traditional they mean a relationship where the man dominates and has power and control over the woman. Power and control in the relationship being the motivating factor. Men who need that power and control are universally men who have little power and control of any other domain in life in other words loosers. Looser's who attract women with low self esteem then abuse them and call it tradition. I don't see it that way. Don't forget I as a man is doing the chasing, I'm wooing the woman and trying to win her over. Then the woman has the power and control over me. I'm more invested since I'm doing the chasing and she has the upper hand.
Pyro Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Because it's emasculating. That would be putting the woman on a pedestal. She already earns more and the man would still chase her, woo her. She'd have every advantage. She'd have the upper hand at all times. I honestly don't think that would work anyway. Most men would feel inadequate in the long run, and if the man has done the chasing that means he is also more invested in the relationship and is more into the woman the vice versa. It would be too much of a inbalance. You lack confidence in your abilities. How does that put her on a pedestal? Advantage? Upper hand? A healthy relationship is not a game or competition. You need to gain some real life experience in these matters, considering you have never been in a relationship. Men who need that power and control are universally men who have little power and control of any other domain in life in other words loosers. Looser's who attract women with low self esteem then abuse them and call it tradition. this I agree with.
hydorclops Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I don't see it that way. Don't forget I as a man is doing the chasing, I'm wooing the woman and trying to win her over. Then the woman has the power and control over me. I'm more invested since I'm doing the chasing and she has the upper hand. An analogy is the violent hardass. He sees the world strictly in terms of a pecking order. and he must be on top. If someone disrespects him, he has no choice, he must break that person down and dominate. Too bad, now he's in prison. His worldview is rigid and exaggerated and inaccurate. He misses opportunities because they are invisible to him.
daphne Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 You're emphasizing and exaggerating the power struggle. Start looking for other ways to view interactions with women. I agree...
Disillusioned Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Traditonally the man does the pusuing, I'm fine what that. Women have their reasons for making the man "chase"(such as seeing that the guy isn't just after sex). Some say it's biological, And I agree with that. Men have always been the chaser, and among animals too it's almost always the male who chases the female. But still though, you can't deny this tradition is in your favor as a woman. Traditionally the man earns more money and is the primary breadwinner in a marriage or long term relationship, this is also more or less biological. Men have always been the breadwinners aslong as mankind has existed. And most men want to provide, thats in our nature. This I guess could be said is more in our favor as men. I would chase/pursue a woman if I liked her enough, but I also wouldn't pursue a woman unless she was a league below me financially. Hey thats just how it is... Can you imagine how emasculating it would for me as a man to chase a woman who makes more money than me? Honestly I wouldn't do that no matter what. Alot of women say men should chase, it's in our nature, it's our duty to pursue and etc etc. But also wants to earn as much or more than the man. (offcourse it should be equal pay for the same job no matter male/female though). That way I see it. Either you play it traditional in both aspects or you don't play it traditional at all. Women with good careers who earns more or as much as the man really shouldn't come and say the man should pursue or initiate everything. A self respecting man won't pursue a woman who earns more than himself. What are your oppinions on this? You are no dummy. Out of all the relationships I've observed over the years, the ones in which the woman earned more, were doomed from the start. My best friend married a woman who earned 3x as much as he did, and boy was he glad when his divorce finally came through. His ex treated him like a serf in her castle. I haven't heard much about SWANS the last few months (single women achievers, no spouse), but they're out there and they're not in short supply. Basically SWANS are women who are so successful in business and moneymaking, they've become unmarriageable. Some have turned to lesbianism for love because they scare men off.
Author waynebrady Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Alot of women say they want to be chased, and say they are traditonal or old-fashioned. So why ain't it ok for me as a man to want to be old-fashioned too? Unlike the women who are only old-fashioned when it comes to who pursues who, I'm old-fashioned in everything. If I'm gonna do the chasing, I'm gonna be the one with most money too. You're either all in or not. Women who wants to be pursued but want to earn as much or more than their SO aren't really traditonal or old-fashioned even if they claim to be. If a woman isn't traditonal in any way. Then good for her, Thats good to see. But then don't expect the man to do all the chasing and initiate everything if you earn more or as much money as him. Because if you do, then you only want to be traditonal when it's in your favor.
sally4sara Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Placing your worth on your ability to be the chaser and bread winner is a risky attempt to feel good about yourself. In life, **** happens. You won't always be able to get who you chase and if you're putting your ability to do it successfully down as the measuring bar of your worth, you've given the power to crush you or elevate you in the hands of someone else. Same as if you use your earning ability. It use to be that you'd get an entry level position and spend the next 45 years working your way up in that same company and get your gold watch retirement at the end. That doesn't happen anymore. Companies lay off or fire outright their workers with enough experience to have earned a few raises just so they can hire in a younger set and pay them less. You place all your value on your ability to earn and you give the companies you work for the ability to take your self worth away at any time. Same too if you've wooed a woman with money. The company you work for lays you off and everything she liked about you is suddenly gone - do you really think she will stick around? I think using money to get a person's attention is probably one of the biggest mistakes anyone could make.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Wayne, no one wants to stop you from pursuing a woman who makes less money than you do. Go for it. Because that is what you want / need to feel comfortable does not make it so for the rest of us. I'm happy to hear that you are considering pursuing a woman at all. Sounds like a step in the right direction. Just be aware that because you choose a woman who makes less money than you do, this really will not give you "the upper hand" in the relationship, nor should it.
Author waynebrady Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Wayne, no one wants to stop you from pursuing a woman who makes less money than you do. Go for it. Because that is what you want / need to feel comfortable does not make it so for the rest of us. I'm happy to hear that you are considering pursuing a woman at all. Sounds like a step in the right direction. Just be aware that because you choose a woman who makes less money than you do, this really will not give you "the upper hand" in the relationship, nor should it. Nor do I want it too. The woman has the upper hand because I am chasing her. And if she earns more money aswell, then it's like she has the upper hand x2.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Why don't you just forget about the whole power struggle / balance / imbalance issue and go after what you think will enhance your life.
Author waynebrady Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 When the relationship becomes long term. My concerns about power struggles would be over. The woman has the upper hand in the courting stages, thats a fact. But after that things are equal because even though I would earn more. I would be loved less and get less affection from her than I give to her, that would even things out.
SteveC80 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Women only want to keep archaic gender roles that benefit them
AKO87 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I can kind of see the point the OP is making. Guys are kind of brought up with the societal expectations to be the provider. I can see how it could be a bit awkward to be in that situation. I would never not pursue someone I like simply because they make more money than me though. Heck give me a sugar-mama
Mrlonelyone Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Women only want to keep archaic gender roles that benefit them True most actively feminist women are hypocritical when it comes to gender roles. In particular when it does not favor them.
EasyHeart Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I dream of finding a woman who makes more money than me! I would gladly clean the house, cook the meals, take care of the kids, wash her clothes, and screw her brains out in exchange for not having to work. I will need to learn how to do pilates and complain a lot, but I am sure I could do it.
Cee Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I see this is a practical matter. You and your SO, no matter the gender should make as much as they are able. There are few single breadwinners anymore. Every in family (and even teen agers) need to contribute to household income. Do you think you will be able to pay for retirement, children, and everything else of one income? Few people are lucky enough to do that. When I'm in early stages of dating, I don't know how much a person makes and I don't care. Also, people can having assets from wills and trusts, so a person's economic net worth is complicated. I work a moderate paying job, but I have a sizable inheritance. And remember a person's credit rating is important to a person's ability to build security. As for pursuing, I don't get this. It's completely foreign to me. I see as a interactive dance to be honest. I am fine with the guy asking me out and showing interest, but I certainly convey to him I appreciate his attention. I don't believe in hard to get games.
Author waynebrady Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 I see this is a practical matter. You and your SO, no matter the gender should make as much as they are able. There are few single breadwinners anymore. Every in family (and even teen agers) need to contribute to household income. Do you think you will be able to pay for retirement, children, and everything else of one income? Few people are lucky enough to do that. When I'm in early stages of dating, I don't know how much a person makes and I don't care. Also, people can having assets from wills and trusts, so a person's economic net worth is complicated. I work a moderate paying job, but I have a sizable inheritance. And remember a person's credit rating is important to a person's ability to build security. As for pursuing, I don't get this. It's completely foreign to me. I see as a interactive dance to be honest. I am fine with the guy asking me out and showing interest, but I certainly convey to him I appreciate his attention. I don't believe in hard to get games. I'm not saying I want the woman to stay at home. I'm simply saying that I won't be with a woman who has a better job than me. I as man have to chase the woman, That gives her the upper hand. But I'm fine with that. It doesn't bother me that much. I do get bothered when people say men like to chase. I would chase but not because I like the chase itself, it's because I like the woman. If the woman earns more than me too, then she has the upper hand there too. What would I have left? I'd be emasculated. I'd have no "man" left in me if you get it.
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