WindyCityGirl Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. We love each other very much but have always had a problem with communication. He's very giving and passionate, but has difficulties expressing his emotions. Things are usually good for 7 months and then all of a sudden they blummet. We'll argue and then give each other space for a few weeks. I'm usually the one who initiates contact and eventually get things back on track. My ex holds on to emotional disappointments and do not address them as they arise. His famous quote when there's a problem he doesn't want to address is, "It doesn't make a difference." Over the holidays we had a huge arguement. My parents were in town and he felt like I was acting different. Things erupted 2 days before Christmas when he did not pick me up for dinner. I sent him a text and told him to return his gifts and that we should connect after the holidays. He responded with a very nasty text and even left a terrible voice message. After several days apart I realized I should have reponded differently and attemtped to reach out. No response. He sent me a email telling me to thank "Mom" for his Christmas gifts. (He came by my house while I was gone to give my mother her gifts). After several more days apart I was at a dinner party drowning my sorrows in wine. When I left the party I decided to stop by his apartment. He let me in but things were ackward. We didn't really say much, I could tell he was still angry. He asked me to leave, I refused. He said I was disrespecting him, I still refused. After a 2 hour stand off he attempted to escort me to the door and I fell on the floor. Because I had been drinking I believed he pushed me. I cried hysterically and ran out of his place. We didn't talk for 30 days and then all of a sudden I get a email from him asking how I am doing. I was appauled. He waited that long to check in on me?? We had nice email exchanges at first but then I let him know how I was feeling. He shot back a few angry responses and that was it. He called me and we discussed what happened the night I fell at his place. He was upset and hurt that I beleived he pushed me. He apologized repeatedly for not handling things differently. He told me it would be hard for us to be friends but that we wouldn't be enemies. We didn't talk for a few days. I called him and asked him out for coffee. He agreed. We met the next day for about an hour. Small talk. He mostly did the talking, about cars, his childhood friends, work, life, but nothing about us. He walked me to my car. We hugged. On my way home he called and said he wanted me to know that he had a nice time and really enjoyed the conversation and hanging out. We talked for about 30 minutes. It seems like he realized he was being vulnerable because he suddenly said, he probably shouldn't have called becuase the phone calls will lead to more calls and will lead to us being right back where we were. But then he continued to talk about miscellaneous stuff. Before we got off the phone he told me to have a good week. On Tuesday and Wednesday the midwest was hit with a horrible blizzard. He sent me a text on Wednesday to see if I was okay and if I had made it in safe. Thursday he sent another text saying that he hopes I am safe and warm. I responded in a nice tone to both messages. I reached out to him on Thursday and said thnaks for checking in on me and hope all is well with you. He simply replied, "No problem." I was crushed. I wanted him to say more. Why didn't he say more?? Because I want to repair our relationship I wanted to set up something nice for next weekend, perhaps a hotel stay downtown. I don't want it to be associated with Valentines Day and is debating if I should plan it for this weekend or the following weekend. I need advice. Should I let this go and move on or does there appear to be any hope. Was he reaching out via text because he cares for my safety or is was that his way is initating contact to give things another try. Since he agreed to coffee, which I was totally suprised, do you think he'll agree to a overnight hotel stay?? Ijust don't know what to do or what to think.
ConfusedGuy23 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Firstly Hi windycitygirl, Im new here as i guess you are too. So after reading your situation I can give you some advice on a guy that doesnt like to talk about emotions etc. Because I am one of those guys, well i used to be I am slowly coming around and getting better as it helped cause a recent break up of mine. I too used to hold onto emotional dissapointments and not let them out. We dont mean it, we just cant do it for some reason with the girl we love. One of those really messed up things in life. As for the getting back together, he does seem like he would be open to it if you asked, he is meeting you for coffee and texting to see if you are okay so that seems like he still cares for you. I think you need to ask him what he feels about it next time you see him. A hotel stay with each other may be a bit too forward but obviously think it would go okay. So i say do what your heart is telling you. On the other hand if the argument where you feel like he pushed you gives you second thoughts about if he has the potential to be abusive or not I would definately reconsider if its worth it to try again with him. Good luck with it all. Welcome to the forums. Im sure you will find the helpful as a few people have been able to give me some advice on my problems at the moment aswell with my ex gf ( i did the whole classic 'dumped her and want her back thing'), So hopefully you will be able to get some helpful insight on here.
Author WindyCityGirl Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Thanks so much for your insight. I really, really appreciate it. I don't believe he pushed me. I take complete responsibility for my drinking which I don't do often. I was thinking the hotel stay was a bit forward I just don't know how to present the idea. Should it occur naturally? He's been my only intimate partner for 5 years, and I miss that tremendously (smile). I don't want to go back to an all-to-willing ex for one night of passion. I want my guy.
ConfusedGuy23 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Probably best if it happens naturally. But you would know the dynamic here better than me. Yes i do get your point of being intimate with your partner, its been three months for me and you just miss that touch so much. Just make sure like you said that you make it clear its not a one night stand and it should be okay. If you can would you be able to read my situation and offer some advice? My thread is a few just below your entitled 'dumped my ex, made a massive mistake, want her back. Would be greatly appreciated if i could get some female perspective on the situation. Thankyou.
Author WindyCityGirl Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Thanks again!! Will read your post now.
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