Cuchara2 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 After a break up most if not every person will feel a large loss in confidence, especially if you've been dumped. So this thread is dedicated to sharing ideas about confidence and how to boost yours. I personally was very ****ed up by my break up. I had huge confidence before but that all went down the drain. I realised it was messing around with me so I decided to change it. What I did was first of all, bought some new clothes. I bought some expensive Armani shirts, suits and jeans for when I went out clubbing/to posh dinners etc. Then I went and bought loads of other clothes - hoodies, coats, new shoes, t-shirts. I had never really been big on buying lots of clothes so I never really had too many - well now I did. I made sure I had some really flashy things as well - flashy shoes, a flashy coat - things that made me stand out and look bold. Then, I started talking to girls and going out with them. Little by little my confidence grew again and I could feel it. The first time I went to a club with my new stuff on I felt great (this was about two/three weeks after I'd decided to get confident). I was really confident with women, my ex started talking to me again when she saw me (which was a plus as well) and I hooked up with 3 separate women. Good night. Working out, which is proposed by everyone really does work as you feel much better about yourself if you're ripped and look like you have a great physique. People also say it releases some endorphins or some bs along those lines. I personally did not really feel different after working out, this may be different in other people. Finally, what could be better than showing yourself off during summer on the beach and having your ex drooling over you whilst you enjoy yourself with a couple of ladies you just met? Please do not forget that being over confident makes you take the class of an "*******". You don't want this as it becomes very hard to get a respectable girlfriend. Also, you don't need to buy Armani like me, I'm just very lucky to be able to afford that stuff. Just buy something that you feel good in. Trust me, it will really make a difference! So that's how I got my confidence up, please feel free to comment on my tips and post your own so others who are having trouble can try and sort themselves out
spackle Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 well last night working out didn't help so I turned to some self esteem boosting hypnosis downloads before I went to bed because I couldnt get a load of questions outta my head. This morning I sent one last text - what do you want from me? Not expecting to hear from him again but I wanted to give the ****er a nudge if not in my direction, even if it's for one slight second, toward him questioning his own behaviour. And I'm feeling good. Got up, showered, cooked a fine breakfast of bacon, mushrooms, buttered toast & coffee. Just done my hair and make-up and I'm off out to look for new jeans in which my ass will look great and I'm going to walk the store & smile at people. Later on I'll work out. I think people need to be aware that confidence, like our moods has dips and rises, I just try and accept that some days I will feel ****ty, and those are the days to stay away from the phone! Other days we'll feel great and on top of the world that we notice we don't need/want them and are 100% fine that way.
Truane71 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Set Goals! When me and my ex broke up, I was about as low as I could get. I felt like such a loser. It took a bit, but I remembered how I used to be. I was always the guy brimming with confidence, doing what I wanted to do. I wanted myself back, so I made it my mission. I would run every day, work out 4-5 times a week. Believe me, the endorphins (yes those are real) helped a ton. I would go out with people I enjoyed and who also enjoyed my company. A few months removed, and I feel great. I'm in the best shape of my life, and I am training for an endurance race in April. I go out, and girls come up to me to talk. Just smile, stay positive, and BELIEVE that you are awesome. Things do get better but only if you put in the effort to getting yourself back.
Stilicho Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 work out! ive changed my diet completely, and have set up a rigorous gym routine 6 days a week. since my break up, 6 weeks ago, ive lost 20 lbs, and have gained alot of muscle, and i dont plan on stopping anytime soon! dont let ur exe's mistake hurt you, its a reflection on them.
ALonerAgain Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 dont let ur exe's mistake hurt you, its a reflection on them. Love this quote: never a truer word spoken! So what have I done? Well, seeing as ex met his current girl through mutual friends on Meet-up.com, I've decided to join a few groups myself. Not to get someone else per se, but just to expand my social circle and meet as many different people as possible. And I can say as 1 who is a natural introvert, that I have had some of the most fun I've had in ages. Also, find out about more yourself: I'm a real self-help junkie, so I've taken to therapy and self-help books to understand more about my behaviour and my negative ways of thinking that I know have played a part in my relationship history. I would definitely recommend this if you have had a history of failed relationships - esp. if you've found yourself in the same position, despite all the work you've done on your outside appearance, what it really comes down to is how you feel about yourself on the inside.
collegeguy_24 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 After my ex left me, I was devastated, still am in a way, but thats another story. My confidence was shot, and most of it is still gone. But I did get a little of it back, how, easy. I graduated college with a degree in History, a subject I love with a passion. That was my goal and I achieved it.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Most of this seems from a male POV. I will give from a female POV. I bought new clothes, redecorated and rearranged the apartment... MY apartment now. Trained my new bird (got it to keep the other bird company), started going out in public places every day and trying to talk to new people, checking out some men and letting them check me out. I already exercise quite a bit, but I've had to change my routine a bit because of the loss of being able to get to the mountain bike trails. Getting counselling helps a lot too, helps you process your emotions and deal with any issues you have that will make you a better person for future relationships. It also gives you coping skills and helps your communication skills. I've talked to a lot of people about what has happened. Got a big support network, re-evaluated my short and long term life goals to see what needed revising since stbxH split. Took steps to get those goals on track. Getting re-involved in things I had to give up towards the end of my marriage to try and support my stbxH with his emotional issues. I have not yet had a rebound relationship or ego boosting hookup sex. I've been considering it, but not sure if it has the same effect on females as it does for males. I am also not that kind of person really, but pondering it is nice... going through with it might be a different story.
0hpenelope Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Hung out with a friend in situations that aren't my comfort zone like big groups made up of strangers and knowing just one person (her), going to a lounge, etc. Just meeting new people and feeling that they're receptive to me. It feels great.
january2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Big clear out plus re-arranged and decorated living spaceBought new clothes and accessories, new hairstyleVolunteering with various organisationsAdult education and professional certification classesIncreasing my social and professional circleFitness classes and more active pursuitsCultural and tourist activitiesResponding to posts on hereUsing a SAD lightKeeping a "things to be thankful for" journalStepping outside of my comfort zone more oftenWorking through relationship and self-development exercisesListening to inspirational and upbeat musicDancingWatching more comedyPro-actively looking for the positiveMaking more of an effort to smile and laugh moreRe-connecting with old friendsSpending more time with positive and inspirational peopleMaking conversation with complete strangersNoticing and appreciating my immediate environmentRe-evaluating my life and where I want it to go, setting goals and reaching themReviewing how much I've achieved so far and how much I've turned my life aroundRemembering that I survived a horrible year where bad things happened but I still managed to get the best-case scenario every time Hmmm, I think this has become more like a happy-boosting list rather than confidence-boosting list.
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