Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 You want to follow his lead? But you told him that you didn't like relationships and that you weren't ready for one. How did you expect him to react? Is he supposed to think you want to be exclusive to him?? This whole situation is your own doing. Be honest with yourself, you want a relationship. By hesitating and explicitly telling this guy you don't want one you are setting yourself up for failure. If I don't want a relationship, it's because I don't want to risk rejection. If I do want one, I feel like I might be rushing into this one because I'm jealous. Isn't there some kind of middle ground? Besides I don't know what it is he wants, we've already slept together but he didn't have any problems with seeing the last time we got together. At least I know he's not merely in it for the sex. So what do I do? I get this, but by TELLING him you're not ready to be in a relationship, you now would practically HAVE to be the one to take back that statement and ask for it. . . He'd be kind of silly to ask a girl who says she doesn't want a relationship to be in a relationship. In a way I feel like he does want me to be in one. The last time we talked about this, he said I should give relationships a try. Of course I shot him down. I really do feel like I'm rushing into things. I mean do I want a relationship? Probably, but one month is still too little of a time for me to go up to him and say " Let's be exclusive". Truthfully, everything came down to the fact that he's actually multi-dating and I'm not, hence in a way, I feel cheated ( on).
heartshaped Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 If I don't want a relationship, it's because I don't want to risk rejection. If I do want one, I feel like I might be rushing into this one because I'm jealous. Isn't there some kind of middle ground? Besides I don't know what it is he wants, we've already slept together but he didn't have any problems with seeing the last time we got together. At least I know he's not merely in it for the sex. So what do I do? In a way I feel like he does want me to be in one. The last time we talked about this, he said I should give relationships a try. Of course I shot him down. I really do feel like I'm rushing into things. I mean do I want a relationship? Probably, but one month is still too little of a time for me to go up to him and say " Let's be exclusive". Truthfully, everything came down to the fact that he's actually multi-dating and I'm not, hence in a way, I feel cheated ( on). You just simply have to get over that feeling. This guy isn't your boyfriend; you aren't his girlfriend. If it bothers you to the extent that you can't let it go then maybe you two should have a talk about being exclusive. Jealousy is the push some people need to do what they already want to do. Personally, I think you like the guy and want to be exclusive, but you are afraid of his reaction and being in a relationship. To me, one month is enough time to at least discuss where things are going. Saying to a guy, "I like you. I don't want you to see other people." isn't the worse thing in the world. Either he returns the sentiment or he doesn't. At least, then you know where you stand and can establish clear boundaries instead of this murky area you are in now.
mo mo Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 If I don't want a relationship, it's because I don't want to risk rejection. If I do want one, I feel like I might be rushing into this one because I'm jealous. Isn't there some kind of middle ground? Besides I don't know what it is he wants, we've already slept together but he didn't have any problems with seeing the last time we got together. At least I know he's not merely in it for the sex. So what do I do? In a way I feel like he does want me to be in one. The last time we talked about this, he said I should give relationships a try. Of course I shot him down. I really do feel like I'm rushing into things. I mean do I want a relationship? Probably, but one month is still too little of a time for me to go up to him and say " Let's be exclusive". Truthfully, everything came down to the fact that he's actually multi-dating and I'm not, hence in a way, I feel cheated ( on). I don't think you're rushing into anything or doing it only out of jealousy. If you don't like the idea of him seeing other girls and you aren't really interested in seeing other guys that means you want a relationship. I don't know where this fear of rejection stems from seeing as he already slept with you. I think that following his lead (or anyone's lead) is a bad idea. You have to be clear about what you want and put the effort in to get it. Nothing is free in this world, and people only look out for themselves. From the way you describe the situation though, it kinda seems like you might have missed the bus if he isn't contacting you.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 I don't think you're rushing into anything or doing it only out of jealousy. If you don't like the idea of him seeing other girls and you aren't really interested in seeing other guys that means you want a relationship. I don't know where this fear of rejection stems from seeing as he already slept with you. I think that following his lead (or anyone's lead) is a bad idea. You have to be clear about what you want and put the effort in to get it. Nothing is free in this world, and people only look out for themselves. From the way you describe the situation though, it kinda seems like you might have missed the bus if he isn't contacting you. Having been in positions where sex and rejection always occur one after the other, I think my fear is completely valid. Granted we slept together unplanned on the 3rd date, I don't ever want to put myself into an FWB situation again. No he doesn't give me the feeling that he's only after sex, but then again, wth is he doing with me then? Subsequently, I thought about alot of things today. I remember he told me previously he likes to date alot but doesn't like to jump into relationships. He told me he always gets bored after a short period of time and have a tendency to break up. From my understanding, he gets into relationships merely for the thrill ( honeymoon phase) and jumps ship when he gets bored or tired. I really do think my fears are justified. And no, he still hasn't contacted me in 3 days. I think it's time to let him go.
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