xpaperxcutx Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I hope I'm not acting paranoid but I'm getting a 6th sense that the guy I'm seeing is dating someone else. Apparently my girlfriend saw him with another girl at dinner a week ago and there have been several circumstances where his actions coincide with someone who's dating around. For example, his texts and contact has become limited to almost once or twice a week, and even when he does text me, the conversations taper off after the occasional hey, How are yous and How's your day. In fact, this past Friday night he went out with friends to a club which he told me he usually frequents to meet women. I'm not a jealous person and I didn't confront him but should I be wary that this guy is not serious about wanting to be serious?
LittleTiger Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I'm sorry if this seems a little obvious, but have you considered asking him?
Alma Mobley Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Well, it does kinda sound that way. As Tiger said, you should probably ask him.
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 In fact, this past Friday night he went out with friends to a club which he told me he usually frequents to meet women. I'm not a jealous person and I didn't confront him but should I be wary that this guy is not serious about wanting to be serious? Yes, you should be wary. Hard to gauge what his true intentions are, even if you do ask him. How long have you been dating?
Sanman Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I definitely think that asking him is the way to go. Exactly what has he said about being serious? Does he want a serious relationship or a serious relationship with YOU?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I'm sorry if this seems a little obvious, but have you considered asking him? I want to but I know I don't have a right to ask him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Yes, you should be wary. Hard to gauge what his true intentions are, even if you do ask him. How long have you been dating? Less than a month? I definitely think that asking him is the way to go. Exactly what has he said about being serious? Does he want a serious relationship or a serious relationship with YOU? He doesn't have a problem telling me that I should give relationships a try, but he hasn't asked me outright to be with him.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I want to but I know I don't have a right to ask him. Sure you do. If you want to be exclusive, you have every right to assert your needs and ask.
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Sure you do. If you want to be exclusive, you have every right to assert your needs and ask. I agree. After a month of dating, you have a right to know where things are heading to? I mean, if you two have been intimate, you have the right to know if he's with other women, or if he thnks you two are casual, nothing serious.. Just ask him honestly how he feels about you, go from there. Let him know how you feel too. Though I do have to say, listen to your gut.
pandagirl Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 You can just say it straight up: Are you seeing anyone else? Nothing wrong with that and it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask. I did this to one guy once, and he said he was sleeping with someone else at the time. I told him I don't sleep with a person who is sleeping with others, and then ended it. He look at me and said: "Wow, I really respect you. You are a strong women. Most women aren't like that." I took control of the situation, then ended it. That insecure feeling? Smashed it.
Sanman Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I want to but I know I don't have a right to ask him. Why don't you have a right to ask him? Now from your response to my last question, it sounds as if he believes that you don't want a relationship or anything serious from him. Is that true? You haven't mentioned what you want out of the relationship yet. If you are simply jealous that he is seeing someone else even though you don't want something serious with him, that is not fair to him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I agree. After a month of dating, you have a right to know where things are heading to? I mean, if you two have been intimate, you have the right to know if he's with other women, or if he thnks you two are casual, nothing serious.. Just ask him honestly how he feels about you, go from there. Let him know how you feel too. Though I do have to say, listen to your gut. My gut is telling me that I'm only there for his convenience. He hasn't contacted me all weekend and he hardly even bothered to reply me after I texted him. So, my gut is telling me, he'll either do the " fade" or text me when he can't find another girl to date. Why don't you have a right to ask him? Now from your response to my last question, it sounds as if he believes that you don't want a relationship or anything serious from him. Is that true? You haven't mentioned what you want out of the relationship yet. If you are simply jealous that he is seeing someone else even though you don't want something serious with him, that is not fair to him. Yes, I told him previously I'm not ready for another relationship, even though my last " serious" relationship was 2 years ago. It's funny, because we were on the train Friday, leaving together ( him to a club, and me back home) and we were talking about dating, when something made us talk about relationships. I said I didn't like relationships and he called me inexperienced and teased me that I didn't really know enough to judge. To be honest, I am jealous. When my girlfriend told me that he had dinner with a really pretty Asian girl, I felt incredibly uncomfortable. I know I have no right to be because one, I am not his girlfriend, and two, it would make me needy to expect him to not date anyone else.
zengirl Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I want to but I know I don't have a right to ask him. You don't have a right to TELL him or EXPECT him not to date anyone else if you're not his GF, and especially if you don't want to be, but you have every right to ASK him questions that concern his relationship sphere since, to some degree, you're in it. However, if you don't want a relationship with a guy, I'd expect he'd date around.
Jannah Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 My personal thoughts - jealousy shouldn't prompt a desire to become exclusive, but rather you find yourself not interested in dating other men, you see qualities in him that are of value to you and of course, he makes your heart pitter patter. Now, you've already told him in passing that you don't want a relationship, and that you dislike relationships - why?
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 My gut is telling me that I'm only there for his convenience. He hasn't contacted me all weekend and he hardly even bothered to reply me after I texted him. So, my gut is telling me, he'll either do the " fade" or text me when he can't find another girl to date. Sorry to say this, but him not contacting you all weekend and not really replying back to your texts, isn't a good sign. Question is, how do you want this go? To fade away and fizzle out on it's own and that's it, or do you feel you should just say to him outright, "Look I get the feeling you aren't as interested in dating as you once were, so I think it's best that we walk away." This guy seems like a dud.
30Years Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Granted it's been a lot of years, but back in my dating days, any time a girl wanted to "get serious" after a month of dating I was no longer interested. Committing to a relationship after only a month is not prudent.
Kamille Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'm not sure I understand your reaction. So, you don't want a relationship, yet you sound bothered that this guy might be multidating... So my question is: What do you want?
Ay Diesel T Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Is the OP seeing other men? Has he asked you? Have you told him? If not, maybe he assumed since you two aren't exclusive he'll get out there and see what's out there for him LTR wise, since you've already mentioned to him that you're not ready for one. Why get jealous? You dropped your dime and someone else picked it up.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 My personal thoughts - jealousy shouldn't prompt a desire to become exclusive, but rather you find yourself not interested in dating other men, you see qualities in him that are of value to you and of course, he makes your heart pitter patter. Now, you've already told him in passing that you don't want a relationship, and that you dislike relationships - why? Jannah, very good points. I DO FEEL like jealousy is the only reason that's prompting me to seek out exclusivity, although I also have to wonder whether it's because I really, really do like him as much as I hate to admit or because the girl he went on the date had been extremely pretty. As for dating other men, I'm hardly seeing anyone right now. If there is a person that I really want to spend time with, I have to say that I would want to spent it with the guy in question. So in a way, he does make my heart pitter patter, but I don't know how he feels about me. In regards to my dislike for relationships, I'm afraid of getting hurt. There will always be a part of me that will never fully open up and I'm afraid he'll see that I have issues with being completely honest in regards to how I feel. Sorry to say this, but him not contacting you all weekend and not really replying back to your texts, isn't a good sign. Question is, how do you want this go? To fade away and fizzle out on it's own and that's it, or do you feel you should just say to him outright, "Look I get the feeling you aren't as interested in dating as you once were, so I think it's best that we walk away." This guy seems like a dud. As I've said before, I really do not want to come across as needy. To say we've been dating a full month is an overstatement, basically the times we've known each other has been for about a month now, with an average of a date a week. To say to him what you've suggested would go beyond casual dating to make me come across as insecure. If things really decides to go down hill, I imagine a fizzle out would be better than a confrontation.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I'm not sure I understand your reaction. So, you don't want a relationship, yet you sound bothered that this guy might be multidating... So my question is: What do you want? I want to follow his lead. I don't want to be he one that seeks out any kind of exclusivity and risk the chances of rejection. That is what I am most afraid of. If he says let's be in a relationship, I would more than likely hesitate, but it wouldn't certainly mean a no. I want to give a " relationship" a try, but worry about falling for him and finding out he doesn't feel the same.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Is the OP seeing other men? Has he asked you? Have you told him? If not, maybe he assumed since you two aren't exclusive he'll get out there and see what's out there for him LTR wise, since you've already mentioned to him that you're not ready for one. Why get jealous? You dropped your dime and someone else picked it up. Diesel you are right. I am being unfair about this. He has a right to multidate because I am not ready/ scared to be in a relationship. If this guy leaves, will I be saddened by how things turned out? Yes, because I will probably regret it. Again, you are right, I am being incredibly selfish.
mo mo Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I want to follow his lead. I don't want to be he one that seeks out any kind of exclusivity and risk the chances of rejection. That is what I am most afraid of. If he says let's be in a relationship, I would more than likely hesitate, but it wouldn't certainly mean a no. I want to give a " relationship" a try, but worry about falling for him and finding out he doesn't feel the same. You want to follow his lead? But you told him that you didn't like relationships and that you weren't ready for one. How did you expect him to react? Is he supposed to think you want to be exclusive to him?? This whole situation is your own doing. Be honest with yourself, you want a relationship. By hesitating and explicitly telling this guy you don't want one you are setting yourself up for failure.
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 As I've said before, I really do not want to come across as needy. To say we've been dating a full month is an overstatement, basically the times we've known each other has been for about a month now, with an average of a date a week. To say to him what you've suggested would go beyond casual dating to make me come across as insecure. If things really decides to go down hill, I imagine a fizzle out would be better than a confrontation. I understand more now. One date a week and not a whole lot of contact in between. Let's put it this way, if you like this guy, just go for it. Ask HIM out and plan a fun evening (shooting pool, or go to sporting event together). Or, wait and see what happens, depending on how you feel about him. All I know is, sitting and waiting the chances are higher that this is going to fade away..
zengirl Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I want to follow his lead. I don't want to be he one that seeks out any kind of exclusivity and risk the chances of rejection. That is what I am most afraid of. If he says let's be in a relationship, I would more than likely hesitate, but it wouldn't certainly mean a no. I want to give a " relationship" a try, but worry about falling for him and finding out he doesn't feel the same. I get this, but by TELLING him you're not ready to be in a relationship, you now would practically HAVE to be the one to take back that statement and ask for it. . . He'd be kind of silly to ask a girl who says she doesn't want a relationship to be in a relationship.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 I understand more now. One date a week and not a whole lot of contact in between. Let's put it this way, if you like this guy, just go for it. Ask HIM out and plan a fun evening (shooting pool, or go to sporting event together). Or, wait and see what happens, depending on how you feel about him. All I know is, sitting and waiting the chances are higher that this is going to fade away.. I do ask him out. In fact, that's one of the reasons I started this thread- I feel like I've been the one doing most of the initiating.
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