Fell in love with a girl I'm not exclusive with and I'm jealous

[P&R]

This is something I feel I should have posted here in hindsight. Maybe these feelings I have are jealousy.

 

I posted this in the main forum but I got no replies.

 

Basically the story goes like this. I was in class with this girl, I saw her 3 times a week. She was flirting with me and I didn't notice it. I liked her but I never acted on it until she talked about a date she was going on, and how she was dreading it (I knew her for 3.5 months at this point). I felt like I was punched in the stomache and I finally acted on my feelings. As she was going to her car I blurted out that I liked her. She set up a date with me, and after that she still went on the date with that guy.

 

She told me the next time I saw her she said she had a policy that I should assume that she is seeing other people while I'm dating her. I confessed that I just got out of a relationship.

 

Things progressed nicely but we talked about things that normally two people that were dating wouldn't talk about. She mentioned something about the lines being completely blurred. Well... I was getting confused to so after 4 dates and tons of time hanging out after our classes were over with I decided to ask her where we were with each other. I got nervous and my tounge got tied so she was a little confused. I rambled on until she finally asked it I was asking for exclusivity... I nodded my head and said yes. She got quiet and had a puzzled look on her face.

 

I just realized I was in love with her... when we were having a conversation it slipped out. She was shocked, and she said I'm sorry I'm not there yet, and she held me in her arms for an hour when she had to be at a friends. I know she likes me a lot.. her face lights up when she see's me and she gets a big smile on her face. She is also very affectionate towards me. She said all of the lines have been busted and it feels like we're more than just dating. I asked her "where do you want to go" and she got quiet and said I don't want to jump into anything and hurt me. Before this she was asking me about relationships out of the blue... she has asked me about how relationships work 3 times. She also said I'm the longest she's ever dated somebody... We're on around our 15th date. Her longest before that? 4 dates. She's 23 and I think she's a commitment phobe... I'm not even asking for a commitment all I want is to be exclusive at this point.

 

This is why this post specifically belongs in this forum. The fact that she is probably seeing other men leaves me feeling empty and hurt. She doesn't realize it but she is really hurting me. I feel jealous, and I have a sinking feeling in the put of my stomach whenever I think about it. The fact she is saying these things is making it EVEN worse. Everything she is doing is making these feelings even stronger. She is hinting at a relationship then she pulls back when I ask her which direction she wants to go. I can bear it for now but I can already feel things start to build. Putting my heart out on the line while she starts making it sound like we might be in a relationship then pulling back is starting to take it's toll. I feel like I'm on the cusp but yet I'm so far away. I feel like I'm being cheated on even though I know she's not commited or even exclusive with me and as I keep saying it hurts.

[Joe Normal]

Stop talking to her, cut off all contact, ignore her. For added effect, start flirting with others girls and let news get back to her through the grapevine. If she says nothing about this, then there is no hope - she just isn't into you enough. If she asks you about it, then you just smile cooly and say "I'm just playing the field, having fun. How are things going with you?" Act disinterested. If over the next few days/weeks she pays more attention to you, then you are getting her hooked. Just keep playing it cool and eventually she will confess she is getting more feelings for you. Then you tell her that you're not interested in being one guy amongst many, that she either is exclusive with you or you simply aren't interested.

 

Whatever you do, don't act like a wuss and blurt out that you love her again, ok? Always keep the upper hand in dating/flirting until you know the person has fallen for you, then you can let down your guard and have a normal relationship. The one who cares more, gets hurt more.

 

Work on yourself, your hobbies, fitness, your work, future plans. This will take your mind off her and also make you more attractive to her and other women. Dating and flirting with other girls will help you forget this girl. Even if it doesn't, act like you've forgotten her anyway - that's the best way to get her back. Wannabe player-chicks HATE when a guy goes cold on them, they see it as a challenge and wonder what they did wrong to lose his interest.