High Fidelity, The real and the imaginary, and the grass is always greener

[fiat500]

discussion about the "the grass is greener syndrome" and really why most people never bother trying in a relationship anymore reminded me of a film that my friend showed me after the first time i was dumped.

 

 

around 1:24 is the heartbreaking realization the main character comes to when he discusses that the same real problems will occur in any real relationship. that perfection only exists in fantasy.

 

in reality it takes a long time for some people to recognize this. after the honeymoon phase, there is no more fantasy. it only exists within the honeymoon period. after that there is no rose colored glasses. there is no veil. this is when you HAVE to decide this person's flaws are worth staying with. this is when you HAVE to either accept the ugly side of a person or leave them. but the thing is, there will always be flaws and an ugly side to EVERY SINGLE person. and relationship strains get a little more serious when it moves into long term or marriage.

[Eeyore79]

I love that movie

 

Nobody is perfect and everyone has some flaws - once you're through the honeymoon phase and you realize those flaws you have to decide if you can live with them or not. Hopefully the good should outweigh the bad!

[Graceful]

Nice. In fact, very relevant to something and someone I was just thinking about who told me he had a "story book romance" with someone, who ended up breaking his heart. Apparently, when things got very real, she up and left. Could not deliver on the promises; could not live up to whatever she said she would live up to. A very sad and painful ending to a "storybook" romance, that perhaps, wasn't a storybook at all.

 

there is no veil. this is when you HAVE to decide this person's flaws are worth staying with. this is when you HAVE to either accept the ugly side of a person or leave them. but the thing is, there will always be flaws and an ugly side to EVERY SINGLE person. and relationship strains get a little more serious when it moves into long term or marriage.

I see this a bit differently. For one thing, I see when two people stay together, that "the best is yet to come" in every possible way. That means "warts and all" but in feeling that is the best part, it is not defining someone by their flaws, it is being able to see them as a human being. If anything, when you love someone deeply, you love them holistically, and they wouldn't be the same person without those quirks, those weaknesses, those imperfections. I don't see those as flaws, though; I see all of it as the whole package. The person you grow to love in all their imperfect glory.

 

And when you know someone brings out the best in you, and you in them, you don't need those rose-tinted glasses. You're right, the rose-tinted glasses are what you were using during the honeymoon phase, but if they weren't thrown aside at some point, that meant you were not seeing the person for who they really are; quite honestly, that's when they become real, and should be considered the ultimate way of seeing that person.

 

Thank you for bringing this up. (and I can never get enough of John Cusack's soulful eyes, let's face it)