Mixed28 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 This was posted by a user and the question was about nice guys not getting the girls and how being aloof keeps them interested but he pointed out something rather interesting. I have found this to be true, but here is the problem.. When you do not care for a girl that much, you naturally do not want to be around her, take her out, buy her things etc. She might make an excellent girlfriend, but you are not into her, although she is crazy about you, since you are unavailable. When you meet a woman you are very interested in, and a woman who values herself, you are treating her in a more respectful way, and naturally because you are very interested. Would this woman also be crazy about me if I do not call for a week, like the ones i am not into? And sooner or later, even if you are the cocky cool guy who doesn't care that much, you will either feel like taking the relationship to the next level, (then she will become bored?), or you will live a life of acting and pretending as if you are not that into someone whom you really are. Of course being a big wuss or doormat is not appealing. But if you are with a woman who constantly needs to chase, is their much of a future?
smudge21 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I do believe that everyone wants what they can't have. That doesn't just apply to relationships, but everything. In fact it's probably the driving force for humanity as we always want something, no matter what we already have. Imagine life if we all reached that point where we just didn't want anything else. How dull. In regards to relationships, the line 'the one who cares less controls the relationship' is often true. As the one who does care less believes they have nothing to lose so can act any way they want, whereas the one who is keen and in love, will never be able to act that way. I know for fact when I've been in love (as I am currently) it is so difficult to play that game of being a bit distant. I love this girl so much that when she gets in touch I have to reply... I just can't play it cool. Yet oddly, I know how she got into me and this was because at first I wasn't interested in her. When I first met this girl it was work related and my focus was elsewhere. Now this girl is stunning and so very used to getting attention. I just wasn't looking for anything and even though we quickly became friends, I just wasn't thinking that way about her. It took a long time before I even realised she was interested in me. Back then, when the obvious flirting started I was able to even tell her that it was nice but we should stop it. That just made her more keen, as I was a challenge, something she couldn't have. By the time things happened, we'd become so close, and it was great. But the way I am now, I can't even imagine being that distant with her, even though I should (considering how things have gone). I just think it's all a game. When you are interested in someone, you will act obvious around them, and they will know it. What happens will more than likely be upto them. Just the same when someone chases you. You then have the control. The only exception to this is when two people are instantly attracted to each other at the same time, although I'm yet to see this. I'm not saying people aren't equally attracted, but there's always a starting point when one chases the other. I do believe in the early stages of any relationship there's a fine line between being distant and being too keen. It can be so hard to find that line too.
daphne Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Mixed, I'm in the same boat. Smudge said a lot of things that I find to be true as well. I have rarely ever met a guy who knew what he wanted and didn't need a challenge or a chase. I do believe this is universal, but tends to be truer in the case for men. Women have biological clocks and know that if they want to have kids they can't keep going after unavailable men. It's a tricky fine line. Personally, I wish it were easy enough to just meet a guy & you both know you like each other and it just happens organically. I think that is wishful thinking. Like believing in Santa Claus. I guess you just have to experiment with it and don't go hard core aloof on someone who is showing consistent interest. But also don't go overboard in the beginning or be a doormat. It's highly unattractive to both sexes
Author Mixed28 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Yeah you have to find that middle road for the people you deal with and each has a different tolerance level to. Its a pain. You can't be too distant but can't be too attachted.
daphne Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Yeah you have to find that middle road for the people you deal with and each has a different tolerance level to. Its a pain. You can't be too distant but can't be too attachted. Hard work, isn't it?
Author Mixed28 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Yeah I was physically clingy in my first relationship and of course she broke it off. Never Again!
daphne Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 When I was younger I was clingy and codependent. Now I'm quite the opposite. Maybe too independent out of habit. It's a tough balance.
Titania22 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 When I was younger I was clingy and codependent. Now I'm quite the opposite. Maybe too independent out of habit. It's a tough balance. I completely identify with this. And it's funny this topic has come up now, because I have been puzzling over it for the last day. Not so much about being aloof with contact, but rather on the first few dates, wondering should I endeavour to behave in a more sexual repressed way and aloof way?
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