mo mo Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 I am notorious amongst my friends for being the guy that talked to women that have boyfriends. "Talked" is the key word there, as I don't do it anymore. However, looking back after some new information about these women have come to my attention, I realize now they were really into me and I could have pursued them. Let me give a more specific example: this one girl I work with (let's call her A) was really shy around me at first. I noticed this and decided to break the ice. Once I did, I found out she was really sweet and cheerful and fun to joke around with. She quickly informed me she had a boyfriend. Since I had no reason to believe she was a cheater or a freak, I respected that-- even though over time she did start getting affectionate with me. I had A as a myspace friend, I had her e-mail, her phone number, etc. but I never really contacted her outside of work. I called her on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday, but that was about it. The whole time she had a bf, but I never really asked her to hang out or anything like that. A month or two passed and she started to distance herself from me. Then I found out she hooked up with another co-worker. Shortly after that she dumped her boyfriend and got into a relationship with another co-worker. When that happened, the new bf asked her about me and she said I was always pursuing her, that I was beginning to make her feel uncomfortable, etc. After I found that out, I decided to stay the hell away from her. Today, I saw nude pictures of her on the phone of yet another co-worker she was messing around with... OK, that's one of example (I have others, but I'll save them for some other time). Is it common for a woman to be in a relationship, constantly remind the guys she is friends with she is in a relationship, when realistically she is willing to hook up with them?
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Want another example?? FINE This other girl (let's call her B) started to talk to me at work a while back. She was ridiculously attractive, so naturally, she got attention from every guy at work. However, she seemed to be very conservative and did not flirt with anyone.. Until she met me I guess. Once we broke the ice, she used to accompany me to lunch. Some days she actually brought me food. She shared pictures of her family, she shared a lot of info about her life, etc. So one day I get the courage to ask her to come hang out with me at the park after work. She said she'd feel guilty because of her boyfriend... Now I didn't know she had a boyfriend at this point. I kinda assumed she didn't, because she asked me if I had a gf and it was pretty obvious she liked me. So once we had that convo, I kinda backed off, though I still greeted her every time I saw her. Slowly though, the lunches together stopped, and she quietly faded away until the day she left the company. She didn't say goodbye...
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Maybe I should go after girls with low interest level. I will see them once a month and never have sex with them. It seems to work for some people (so I hear)
SmileFace Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 ,or stop trying to talk to girls you work with . Since all of them seem to be shacked up. Is it common for a woman to be in a relationship, constantly remind the guys she is friends with she is in a relationship, when realistically she is willing to hook up with them? Yes, so she can say this was always pursuing her, that I was beginning to make her feel uncomfortable With out it all seeming to be her fault , when she ends up doing this sending nude pictures of her on the phone of yet another co-worker she was messing around with...
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 ,or stop trying to talk to girls you work with . Since all of them seem to be shacked up. Is it common for a woman to be in a relationship, constantly remind the guys she is friends with she is in a relationship, when realistically she is willing to hook up with them? Yes, so she can say this was always pursuing her, that I was beginning to make her feel uncomfortable With out it all seeming to be her fault , when she ends up doing this sending nude pictures of her on the phone of yet another co-worker she was messing around with... Haha. Well I don't really give a crap about A because it's obvious she is slutty and unreliable. I really do think I could have had something with B though because we used to hang out a lot, she introduced me to her sister and nieces, and she never messed around with any guys at work. In fact, I had tons of respect from guys at work because I was the only guy she talked to. I later found out that she was in a long-distance relationship and she only saw her boyfriend once a month at most. The thread is more about what I have been doing when I hear the "I have a boyfriend" line. I have been just backing off, but looking back at these situations (and others), I probably could have pressed more to see what was really up.
SmileFace Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Yeah,I understand what the thread is about. It is unfortunate you keep ending in a situation where you can end up being the other guy. Yet who really wants to be the other guy. Yes, I know you are giving the chance with great girls but why take that chance? Is it really worth it? Say if you did end up with B and she ended it with her LDR , how long do you think it will took before she found a next you. I don't think it is ever appropriate to start a relationship as the om/ow . I don't believe in karma but really... I think you should continue how you have been reacting to girls with boyfriends and stop trying to date at work... lol :-)
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Yeah,I understand what the thread is about. It is unfortunate you keep ending in a situation where you can end up being the other guy. Yet who really wants to be the other guy. Yes, I know you are giving the chance with great girls but why take that chance? Is it really worth it? Say if you did end up with B and she ended it with her LDR , how long do you think it will took before she found a next you. I don't think it is ever appropriate to start a relationship as the om/ow . I don't believe in karma but really... I think you should continue how you have been reacting to girls with boyfriends and stop trying to date at work... lol :-) But I'm not trying.. they kinda just land on my lap. I am friendly and once the ice is broken a lot of these girls immediately start initiating contact when they see me around. I have only described 2 situations, but there are many, many more that are similar.
smudge21 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Been exactly where you are friend, especially in the work situation. I've always been brought up to respect my fellow man and woman, and as such I am often considered the nice guy by the ladies. Sadly, nice guys do indeed finish last. I've got to know and sadly fallen for a few girls over the years that I've worked with. Some of which had the boyfriend that they weren't happy with (or whatever) and we've hit it off. But then it's gone quiet between us and I've gone on to find out that they've hooked up with others. One even got pregnant by a workmate whilst living with her boyfriend. I'm no relationship expert (not judging by my current problems) so I have no idea why some girls act like that. Seeming to want the nice guy but secretly happy to just get passed round the office, so to speak.
SmileFace Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 But I'm not trying.. they kinda just land on my lap. I am friendly and once the ice is broken a lot of these girls immediately start initiating contact when they see me around. I have only described 2 situations, but there are many, many more that are similar. Yes, and guys who only want to have sex with me keep landing on my lap. Believe me I have many situations I can list. What do I do ? I keep standing up ,letting those ****ers fall off of my lap. lol But seriously it may just be you. Something in you ,something you need to change about yourself. You think I am going to keep saying the same people are attracted to me. The real question is why am I attracting the same people.
Nexus One Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 (edited) No matter what the relationship status is of certain girls/women, some girls/women "just want to have fun", but you can grossly miscalculate what they are capable of and how intelligent, socially smart and aware they actually are. Edited February 6, 2011 by Nexus One
smudge21 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 No matter what the relationship status is of certain girls/women, some girls/women "just want to have fun", but you can grossly miscalculate what they are capable of and how intelligent and socially street smart they actually are. I think I've often forgotten that, that simply some girls do occasionally want the short term fun, not anything serious. Sadly it's judging the situation and if you are the 'nice' guy, you will find it hard to just see her as the one night stand she may only want.
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 No matter what the relationship status is of certain girls/women, some girls/women "just want to have fun", but you can grossly miscalculate what they are capable of and how intelligent, socially smart and aware they actually are. That sounds about right.. I only really feel bad about B and A2 (yes there was another A). I could have easily taken advantage of both of those situations but I chose to be the upstanding man. HOWEVER, with J, I knew she had a bf, but I still let her know I wanted her.. something I didn't do in those other situations. She told me she was committed, etc. so I backed off. Within a month she broke up with her bf and she was with me. hmmmmmmmmm
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Leave these women alone. How would you feel if you were the guy getting cheated on? Guys who fool around with women in relationships usually end up getting cheated on themselves and by that point everybody laughs at them and nobody feels sorry for them. They become the butt of everybody's jokes. Well only A was the obvious cheater. I think in most of the other situations I have been in, the girls were unhappy with their current bf's and wanted to reach out to see who else was out there. They gave me a small window and I didn't take advantage of the opportunities.
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Yes, and guys who only want to have sex with me keep landing on my lap. Believe me I have many situations I can list. What do I do ? I keep standing up ,letting those ****ers fall off of my lap. lol But seriously it may just be you. Something in you ,something you need to change about yourself. You think I am going to keep saying the same people are attracted to me. The real question is why am I attracting the same people. What do I need to change?? All I am saying is that these girls that have their boyfriends show interest in me after some meaningless convo and eventually things start to heat up. For instance, with T, I was actually talking to her brother in law about something, then she came over and started talking about how she was nervous about math class in school. I jokingly offered her tutoring lessons because I am good at math. After that convo she was all over me for months. What am I supposed to say? Get the hell away from me?? That's the thing.. the issue I am having is these women, and women in general I guess, are very subtle. They don't make it too obvious that they want more, but the attraction is there. By the way... Silva won by front kick. Who the heck saw that coming????????
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Any more thoughts or opinions? Anyone want to take a trip with me to see Silva fight GSP later this year?
SmileFace Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 You may be to nice but I don't know you ,so I can't actually say that. I don't follow MMA much anymore but that will be the fight of the year.
Author mo mo Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 You may be to nice but I don't know you ,so I can't actually say that. I don't follow MMA much anymore but that will be the fight of the year. heh, no. That's not the case. In the past I just took people for their word. That is all. And that isn't fight of the year, it's fight of the decade.
EasyHeart Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Been there, done that. I'm friendly and I like to talk to pretty much anyone. That gets misinterpreted sometimes. IME, married women and women who have boyfriends will shut you down immediately if they sense any attraction (on their part or yours) --- if they have any desire to remain faithful. The ones who don't are looking for validation -- either from attention, emotional connection or sex. Obviously, they are not girlfriend material, but they can be great if you're looking for a little fun. Go for it, if that's what you're into. If you really think it's a bother, you need to learn how to shut them down. It's a bit counterintuitive for men, but it's not hard to learn. You do it the same way women do it to men: avoid them and don't initiate any interaction; be very brief and brusque if they initiate interaction; always be "busy" if they want you to do something; never be alone with them; and there's safety in numbers -- always bring a friend along if you know you're going to encounter them. In other words, learn to be a bitch!!!
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