smile95 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 I am 34 yrs old and love children.However, I have not found that special someone yet that I would marry and settle down with... I know that risks go up with older Moms, but does anyone know if it is still possible to have healthy children at age 35-40? I certainly do not want to settle with the wrong person just to have kids, but I admit I am a little stressed about the clock ticking...
sb129 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 I know that risks go up with older Moms, but does anyone know if it is still possible to have healthy children at age 35-40? Yes it is. I know a lady who was a first time mum last year at the age of 45, and her son was fine. My boss is pregnant with her 4th and she is 40, baby is fine so far. I also know several other people who had healthy children in their late 30s, and of course lots of celebs do it. There are more risks involved with being an "older mum" (ie over 35) and they include a slightly higher risk of the child developing something like Downs Syndrome. There are tests that you have at several stages throughout your pregnancy that can can determine your risk for both this and other potential problems. Where I lived babies are also screened for developmental abnormalities via ultrasound scans. I can understand why you are getting anxious about it, but it is definitely possible to conceive and have a healthy child as long as your own 'bits and pieces' are in working order.
Author smile95 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Thank you. It helps to hear stories like that. My biggest desire is to be a mom. It always has been and it feels like a cruel joke that I have not been able to fulfill that dream. I have everything else together and in a great place...just did not know how hard it would be to find Mr. Right...
sb129 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 I am 34 this year, and I have several friends who are in the same situation as you. I know its tough for them, and it can't be made easier when so many of our gang are married with at least one child, so when we have big get togethers the conversation topics often veer towards children etc. I feel sad, because a couple of my friends are such great women- someone is really missing out by not being with them.
sb129 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 One more thing- you don't HAVE to wait until you meet Mr Right. There are ways to become a mum without being in a relationship, as I am sure you are aware! There was a thread on the topic a few weeks ago, it ended up in a bit of a mess as threads about such personal topics often do, but it could be worth a read.
Author smile95 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Yes, I have often thought about other options. Ideally, I want a Dad for my children. I also want to be able to give them a good life. I highly respect single parents, but I am not sure I could go into it being single...my mind may change in a few years, but I am hoping I will not have to go down that road. ya know society is so hard on people who are single and choose to have kids. It is almost like it is more acceptable to be divorced with kids than it is to be single with kids. I try not to let it bother me, but society really makes me feel awful...
Art_Critic Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 My wife and I have a wonderful and healthy almost 3 year old and she was about 39 when she had him... I was about 45.. It was a perfect pregnancy the whole way thru.. the only thing that was scary were all the testing that we had to go thru.. each test was a bit stressful but as each passed the stress went away.. I also have a someone in my family that is married to a woman that had her first baby at 45.. that was pushing it IMO...
Author smile95 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Thanks Art Critic...I was on this site in 2004 and actually remember you! Glad to hear that story. The tests would be scary. What happens if they find something wrong? Can they do anything to change the outcome? Or is it just informational knowledge after the tests?
sb129 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I also have a someone in my family that is married to a woman that had her first baby at 45.. that was pushing it IMO... I agree- the lady I know that was 45 was very neurotic in one sense, but not in others, ie declined to have all the tests the doctors wanted her to have. smile- as hard as it is, f*** society, do what feels right for you. If you are a loving single mother, you are doing alot better than many two parent families out there.
Author smile95 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 If you are a loving single mother, you are doing alot better than many two parent families out there. Never thought of it that way...I know many parents that fight in front of their kids and I just cringe...
sb129 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Never thought of it that way...I know many parents that fight in front of their kids and I just cringe... and the rest! I live in a country that has an absolutely horrifying rate of child abuse. See link While its a potentially inflammatory thing to see, IMO there are LOTS of people that should never have had children in the first place. I've said it before, the world needs more good, loving parents, and they can still be good and loving if they are single, gay, disabled etc etc.
Author smile95 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 While there are people that believe that single parents can be a good thing, most people would really give me a hard time I bet...I get comments about being single and 34...cannot wait to hear what they would say about single and pregnant!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I am single, 40 and four weeks away from delivering a big healthy baby boy. I had some serious preexisting stuff, but that hasn't affected my baby's health at all. No one is giving me a hard time about being single.
Author smile95 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 I am single, 40 and four weeks away from delivering a big healthy baby boy. I had some serious preexisting stuff, but that hasn't affected my baby's health at all. No one is giving me a hard time about being single. That is awesome! So you decided to have a child on your own?
january2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I live in a country that has an absolutely horrifying rate of child abuse. See link Truly horrific.
worlybear Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Had my youngest daughter when I was 43. I had nuchal scanning as I was "mature" (had to go to Harris Birthright Hospital in London for tests) at 11 weeks (I think.) She was/is absolutely ok and now 9 yrs old. As an older Mum I was worried I would get flak but nobody believes my real age (LOL .) However I am now a single parent (long story, not anticipated) and it does get tough sometimes raising a child on your own. Good luck!:bunny:
Eeyore79 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 My mom had me at 35 and I'm fine I see a lot of people (especially celebrities) having their first child at about 40, so I guess there are a lot more older mothers nowadays. I think you still have at least four or five years to have kids, possibly more.
Jonno_S Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I am 34 yrs old and love children.However, I have not found that special someone yet that I would marry and settle down with... I know that risks go up with older Moms, but does anyone know if it is still possible to have healthy children at age 35-40? I certainly do not want to settle with the wrong person just to have kids, but I admit I am a little stressed about the clock ticking... You seem nice. Hit me up, I'd have your baby!
Author smile95 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 You seem nice. Hit me up, I'd have your baby! Ha! I am not at a loss for finding volunteers! I am at a loss of finding a good husband/father type.
Jonno_S Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Oh of course, that would go w/out saying. I was just being crass
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 smile95.. your time will come.. My wife is the reason I have the signature line that I have.. She showed me why it never worked out with anybody else..
Author smile95 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 smile95.. your time will come.. My wife is the reason I have the signature line that I have.. She showed me why it never worked out with anybody else.. Love that quote! I cannot wait for that to happen for me!
Spark1111 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Love that quote! I cannot wait for that to happen for me! Hi Smile! Generally 40 is the excepted oldest age of child-bearing, though of course many do bear healthy children at older ages. The risks do start to jump dramatically at 40, with the largest jump between 44 and 45 for certain health related issues in the child. Until you meet Mr. Right, why not have some of your healthy, energetic ovums removed and stored for future pregnancy? Many, many women are doing this today. I do not know the cost of extraction and storage. I do know that invitro fertilization IS very expensive. You may not even need to go this route of extraction and storage if Mr. Right comes along, but hey, if it makes you feel better, why not?
Author smile95 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Until you meet Mr. Right, why not have some of your healthy, energetic ovums removed and stored for future pregnancy? QUOTE] I have thuoght about this in the past, but I kind of feel like if it is meant for me to have kids, it will happen. I feel like I would be interfering with God's plan if I freeze eggs...just my personal thought on that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 That is awesome! So you decided to have a child on your own? I did after the baby's father dropped the ball. There were conditions and stipulations to having a raising a child with me including: treatment for alcoholism and treatment and medication for bipolar/OCD/hoarding. After a year of him assuring me that it would happen, he waited until I backed him into a corner to admit that he hadn't even contacted anyone about it. So, I walked away. I don't have time for procrastination, lying, or a man who won't do what is in the best interests of his child. So, at 6 months pregnant and after a year and a half of lies/excuses/passive aggressive bullsh*t, he became sperm donor/child support payer. If he wants to be a father to this child he will get his sh*t together because there is no way I (or the courts) will allow any unsupervised time with a mentally ill alcoholic who refuses treatment. Evidently he mistook me for an enabler. He won't make that mistake again.
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