twinkle123 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 hi guys, i'm a newbie here and was wondering if anyone could offer some impartial advice please? My ex and i broke up 3 weeks ago after being together 2 years and living together for 1. Im 24, he's 27, he's never had a proper relationship before. He is in a very stressful job. We got on very well and were very comfortable with eachother. However our relationship could be quite stormy sometimes due to his problems with alcohol abuse and extreme mood swings. Any major arguments were caused by these. Towards the end i found myself walking on eggshells. He would try to blame me for his behaviour to justify to himself his hurtful actions. Pretty every major occasion including my birthday was ruined by him getting wasted and being nasty. He tends to drink alot when he is stressed with work. His family and friends say he has been like this for years before he met me and has a history of erratic behaviour such as disappearing acts when he is stressed. They have also suspected a mental health problem but he lives in constant denial about the alcohol abuse and mood swings. He drinks to the point where he cant speak, stand etc. Things came to a head when he did his usual looking for an excuse to storm out to the pub when stressed. He disappeared and got so wasted he broke his ankle. He then started talking about breaking up, i called his bluff and agreed because i'd had enough of all the stress and worry he put me through. I moved out the next day to go and stay with family as bizarrely enough broke my own foot badly a few weeks ago and need looked after. The day after we broke up he texted me saying he wanted to be best friends and that he was thinking about seeing a therapist to "sort himself out", and that he hopes il come visit him. That day he put lovey duvey photos of us together on facebook too? ! Since the break up he's been initiating contacting every few days asking how i am, pushing hard to keep the conversation going and being very nosey about what im up to. He keeps calling me by pet names. He said he misses me but hasnt mentioned getting back together. He said he'd like to meet up to "see how we get on and discuss things now we've had time to calm down". We had agreed a day to meet but i couldnt make it. He now hasnt mentioned re-arranging but still texts me? Im really confused at the way he's acting. Do you think he regrets breaking up? I miss him badly but know it wouldnt work until he gets a grip on his alcohol abuse and mood swings. Im also confused as a nice guy ive known for years and always had a crush on has been telling me he likes me alot and would like to date when im ready? Do i wait around for my ex who i loved dearly or give the drama free guy a chance? I wouldnt rush into anything serious which the guy knows. Xx
depplover_1980 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) As a former alcoholic I can tell you now that he won't get better to win you back and you can stop sitting around thinking your love will be enough to clean him up because it won't be. He will only get better by either waking up one morning with that dreaded feeling and say 'enough' or some family member will intervene and cart him off to rehab, where he will be presented with choices. Even if by some miracle he came to you admitting all his issues and said he was getting sober would you need to wait weeks then months of him to prove it. During my main relationships I tried many times sobering up, once I managed 11 days before falling back in dramatic style. I did it to try and save those relationships as my partner were tired of my disgraceful behaviour when drunk, but fundamentally it was all for the wrong reasons. It was only 8 months ago did I decide for myself to sort it once and for all, something in me just clicked and i've never looked back. You must cut him out of your life now and deal with your own pain and heartache which will be great considering the behaviour you've had to put up with from him over time. It won't do you any harm to date the nice guy, but avoid anything serious with anyone and stand on your own feet for a while. Edited February 5, 2011 by depplover_1980 spelling
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