Weird ending - Clues anybody? Feeling sad and confused

[Stiletto]

 

Anybody has a clue?

 

Long story - short: BF of almost 2 years. Very fulfilling and pleasant relationship. Then lost my job, lost his and deadline of me having to leave the country due to immigration laws, if had not found new job by a certain date. Was making me upset b/c we both knew we did not want long-distance relationship. Anyhow, one morning after heated conversation about this he said it was torture to have to count the days til potential departure, later at night-declared that it was probably best if we ended then. So, went home thinking he broke it off, b/c I would most like ly leave the country. But a few days later, he called me saying how much he missed me, still had feelings for me but that he still thought it was best for us not to be together right now. He invited me over for dinner two days later. He told me that night that it was not easy for him either but that right now, he needed to get back on track, find a job, make money. He also said that towards the end of the relationship he "had lost himself" and it had become suffocating. However, held me so tight that night telling me how much he misses me and that he did not want me to think that I did not need him.

He said we should stay friends. The next day I called him and said that I was confused about the situation. And I asked him whether this story was definitely over or whether we were on "a break". He said that at the time he could not tell me that were getting back together nor that we weren't. I was upset. The next day I have a message from him apologizing for his beavior on the phone (did not really know what that meant??? Apologizing for what and then after after that I heard from him, every other day or so. He showed up by my side in the middle of the park where I was walking and joined me for a walk that was an hour long. He left me 12 missed calls the night after I had mentioned I was out having a drink with -a friend-. I decided to write him a letter basically telling him, that I was obviously his friend but that being in contact every other day like that was difficult for me right after the break up. And that he should decide whether we were on a break, together or not together and asking that we finally talk about what went wrong between us that for the first time in our relationship we could not sit down and talk about. See, the strength in our relationship was communication up until a month before that. He received the letter and left me a message on my cell phone at 7AM on a Saturday saying that the problem was maybe that lately it was harder for him to manage other aspects of his life and being with me at the same time. With everything that was going on, his job, my job, my beginning of my emotional breakdown (Loss of job, stress about the deadline and not finding another job, beginning of a depression on both sides). When I woke up I got his message, drove there in a fury and we talked for 2/3 hours and I heard the most amazing things from his mouth, that made no sense whatsoever. That he realized that he was 25 and that he wanted to enjo his friends and go back to his old "him". That we should see other people, (...and so many other things). I cannot explain to myself what the hell happened to him. Especially, when I was never the one making plans on the Moon in our relationship, He was always so passionate and enthusiastic, supportive. Always saying how much of a blessing it was that we had found one another. Mentioned a few time that he was seeing himself growing old with me. (And that is just the beginning of a lonng list of things he/we said and did)

Does anybody know how my (ex) BF decided he wanted to be single all of a suddenafter 2 years? Do you stop loving like that? What is it? Oh an by the way there is no other woman- Clues anybody?

[Arabess]

I think the worst part of breaking up is realizing all the words and promises you shared....are now null and void. It's hard to let go of that or understand what went so wrong that it got to this point.

 

The deal is....you can't read someone else's brain or heart. You have to accept they want out and suffer the consequences.

 

Just before you go totally insane though.....you'll reconnect with yourself and get thru it. LOL!

 

I won't say it's easy....but I will say it's do-able.

 

[overseas2004]

I hate when someone gets like that all wishy washy and then they end up telling you awful things that hurt you. It happened to me recently.

 

And the thing I can tell you for sure is that I wish to god that I had at that time just stopped contact with them and been firm about it. I can't tell you how many times I have succumbed to the "lets see what he has to say this time" Only to be dissapointed again. That is because as humans we are weak and hope that it is not over and that if we shut the door... we may shut the door forever. In your case I am particularly perplexed by the fact that he acts like he has all these problems and he does without a job. But Jesus... you might be deported without finding another job. And the best he can do is respond by running away. Not nice. And I feel for you.

 

I would like to hear stories of firm people who shut the door from the outset and saw what happened then.

 

I am not saying that this would have changed anything in your situation. And I can't offer any insight except that he started getting wishy washy because he is most likely afraid of commitment. But what I can say is that it will get better with time.

 

But it wont get better until you cut him off and stop him from opening your old wounds and discussing this with you anymore. It was his choice to leave and you should make him stick to his decision if he won't. He is hurting you by playing these games. And the best thing you can do for yourself is cut him off at the pass and not let him see you anymore until he gets his act together. And if he doesn't then you will find yourself with someone better in the future.