TheThinker Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 So today is the day that my ex meets the guy i referred to in this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262435/ Now i dont think anything will happen - she has told me, but this isnt stopping me feeling like absolute crap. We have been getting on so well the last week. Everything has been really good when i have had to drop my daughter off. Last night when i dropped my daughter off i asked her what she was doing (i meant in terms of times) and She asked what i was going to be doing with our daughter. I just said i will find something to do, i dont know what ... HER: When i got home i got this: I have to admit I asked what you were doing out of curiosity and because I don't want to bump into you...it would feel awkward I don't mean that because anything is going on with any thing...I just think with the whole situation and as me and you are getting on well I don't want to be put in an awkward situation ME: I understand ... I wouldn't want you to feel awkward ... Let's not go into all that again, I have said to you all I ask is some respect for my feelings. HER: Ok, well I'm going to get in the bath. Have a nice evening! See you tomorrow So i left it at that ... She is with him at the minute and i am feeling so bad. I know she has feelings for him and is meeting him is enough for it to give me such an awful feeling in my stomach its like its all fresh again. Although i do trust her that nothing is going to happen (he is married with a kid and lives half way across the country) I cant believe how up and down my life is at the minute. It is literally one good day, 6 bad days and as much as people have said it would get easier, it isnt, its got worse over the 3 weeks since this happened. I had 3 or 4 good days one week, now i am all over the shop again. ARRGGGHH I know there was nothing i could do about it or anything like that, its just i feel almost back to square one again and after we were getting on so well. I think there was a glimmer of hope, yes i know i shouldnt be thinking like that, but this seems to have just set everything back. Talk about bad timing !! Then on monday its my birthday which is going to be awkward in its own right ... any thoughts ??
oldSOULe Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Cant really offer any advice im afraid, just some support, i know that i would feel terrible if i knew my ex was going to meet another man that has feelings for her and vice versa, it would probably drive me out of my mind. I guess you just have to try your best to put it out of your mind, there's nothing you can do about it, and anything you did do would probably make things worse. sorry mate
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 You are not a victim in your pain, you are a volunteer and your trust in her is misplaced. Just from this board alone, you can see that a man being married with a kid does not stop him from having sex with someone else. Things may seem to be going well - but that is only because you have bent yourself into a painful emotional pretzel to do whatever it takes to see that she continues to be nice to you. The second you unbend, stand up for yourself and take charge of the situation you will see immediately that she is only being nice because you are not interfering with what she wants to do: be with someone else. Seriously, if you want the pain to stop the only person who can accomplish that is you and that is by walking away, cutting her off with the exception of the bare minimum required to coparent, cutting yourself off from her with the exception of the bare minimum required to coparent and moving on. Consider the 180 (do a Google search for 180 and 'divorce busting') - that might help you get a better sense of control in your life be reclaiming some of the power you are all to generously handing her.
oldSOULe Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 How you doing fella, its been a while since you posted. Any developments?
Author TheThinker Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 How you doing fella, its been a while since you posted. Any developments? Alright lad ... No real developments unfortunately other than i managed to get through that day and my birthday, all be it with a hell of a lot of heartache. I think i finally made the "breakthrough" in terms of that i have finally 100% realised this is over. Ok in 2 months, 6 months, 10 years time we may get back together for all i know but as it stands, everything is over and i need to deal with it. Everyone has said there are glimpses of me back, able to laugh and even crack a smile and a joke again. I have managed to arrange a night out, which just so happens is the same night she is out on the town, so i am getting out of town now and am staying on a friends sofa. That will do me for the time being, ok i dont really want to drink but i am just looking as it as an opportunity to explore new horizons with friends that i am very close to at work but have never really associated with outside of work. Also i have been thinking about it for years and years about getting a tattoo for my little girl. It would be my 1st one but i have always wanted to get something for her even if it was something small. Got a few ideas in mind. Going to see my mate who i havent seen in a while who is an artist at a studio with a good reputation in Southampton to have a look at what he can do and if i like it etc so thats something to look forward to. How you getting on mate ?? Any further developments on your side ??
oldSOULe Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Hello mate, good to hear from you. Glad to hear your doing ok. No developments with me im afraid. Just got to accept she aint changing her mind any time soon. It really hurts to think that we will probably never be together again. I dont understand how someone who was your best friend for 6 years can forget about you and move on so easily. Anyway just need to stop torturing myself by holding onto any hope and over analysing things that she says. Its gonna be a hard road for both of us
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