gay long-distance relationships?

[Freak75]

any gay long-distance relationships out there?

i rarely come here but would like to share coping mechanisms, and to chat more.

 

much appreciated

~frank

[Tony T]

I'm sure they're out there but they are conducted no differently than heterosexual LDRs....probably a lot more the same since no genitals are involved. Long Distance Relationships are an oxymoron. They exist only in the mind. I think when they happen by accident it's OK but to seek one out is not good. There are usually underlying psychological reasons why people prefer LDR's to in person, in the flesh relationships unless the person lives in a very smal, distant town or in the middle of the desert.

[Arabess]

I don't know, Tony, if people actually seek out LDR's online or if it just happens bases on someone you end up getting attracted to.....then it leads to a deeper relationship. For some people, it's a better way to meet than in bars. I know the poor guys in the military would NEVER get a date if they couldn't fish online! HAHA!

 

As for the poster.....I can't see where being in a gay LDR would be any different than any other LDR.

[moimeme]

I doubt many people actively seek LDRs. They either befriend a distant person with the intent of being only friends and find that they become fond of the friend, they are looking for relationships and the only likely candidate lives far away so they have to be LD companions until they can arrange to live closer together, or else they are a couple that starts out 3D and then one has to go to school or to take a distant job.

[USAsian228]

[font=arial][/font] Leave it to me to get up in something that continues to cause me so much pleasure and pain at the same time...

 

I met a guy on a friendship message board a few months ago... He lives in SE Asia and I am a Southerner in the US on the Gulf of Mexico coast (dangerously close to New Orleans, but those are stories for another board)... We chatted back and forth regularly, exchanging pictures and discussing our different cultures and other topics that were on the board and important to us... Our friendship has progressed to the point where we now speak on the phone and we both admit that we have an interest in each other that surpasses friendship... I certainly wasn't looking for a long distance relationship... hell... I can't even find socks that match in the morning.

 

For someone who wasn't looking for a ldr, I now find myself experiencing a connection with him that is mighty special... I also find myself filled with joy and trepidation, and as I explore both sides of these feelings, I become more and more interested in this entire long distance relationship phenomenon...

 

I have never had a problem dating guys in my area, and I have dated guys from different races and cultures. I never gave a ldr much thought until now, and I am amazed at how comfortable I am in this friendship with him. When I run down my list of what is important to me in a relationship, he fits the bill... Our thoughts on monogamy, honesty, and integrity as it relates to a true partnership are the same, and we both enjoy many similar activities and subjects... He is strikingly handsome and is equally humble and sincere, which is a combination that drives me even crazier than I already am.

 

But most important, he possesses the internal qualities that, in my opinion, truly make a man, and definitely make one helluva life partner. He comes from a good family and places the same importance on family life as I do. He has a genuine spirit that just radiates positive energy, and I keep thinking, if I can feel this now through emails and phone calls, what will he be like in person? I don't expect him to walk on water, but he sure does shine brightly... And when I consider what I know of him up to this point and if I could see a possible future with him, I feel like he could be worth the journey... And I see myself writing that last sentence and I can't believe I am saying this... and I wonder what that journey requires...

 

He is fortunate to be in a career that allows him to travel to the US and other countries (not a flight attendant, not a male escort)... He has always wanted to settle in the US... He understands that we are far apart and we have not met in person, but he says he knows that we met for a reason and his heart tells him that I am his soul mate... He has mentioned relocation to the US within the next couple of years - I tell him that we have a long way to go before he can truly say all of this and really know it. He says he is sure of it. I say it takes at least a year to really know someone and that we need time together physically. He sighs, tells me I am so cute, and he changes the subject.

 

So I find myself faced with an incredible amount of questions and feelings and thoughts about this new path my life has taken... Obviously, in a situation like this, I have many concerns, and I communicate all concerns with him on whatever pops in my head on any given day... In this type of relationship, I do not think there can ever be too much communication... or honesty... One of my main concerns is the "reality" of all this and how to proceed properly... As pure and virginal as I am, I have dated enough to know that there are definite stages that one goes through in the dating process, so I temper my thoughts when it comes to how I communicate with him and with how I perceive this relationship in this initial phase. He is an incredibly romantic guy, and I find myself putting the brakes on some of our conversations as I try to keep us attached to some level of reality as we travel down this road together... And of course, my heart wants to take me somewhere completely different, so I vacillate daily and it is frustrating... no, it's wonderful..... nah, it's confusing.... wait - it is bliss... hell. it is all that and so much more...

 

What the heck have I wandered into... somebody get me an Alka Seltzer...

and put some gin in it.

 

So I continue to think of him and everything that is attached to this incredible connection... I wonder how many of these connections endure... I wonder if Whitney Houston will ever have another hit... The obstacles in ldr's are real and the realities are both real and blurred... The success ratios of ldr's are not that good from what I have researched online... But I also read stories of couples, both gay and not so gay, who navigate through fantastic obstacles and trials... and they end up together and happy and they are so glad they took the risk..... So I feel pulled daily - I want to proceed with this relationship but at the same time I know I have to stay grounded and focused on the present and future truths that we cannot escape. I want a guidebook but I know there is not one...

 

So as far as having any answers, all I know is that I have more questions than answers at this point... I do know that I am not interested in dating anyone else right now, and that opens up an entire new set of questions - am I dating this guy? How can this be dating? This is certainly not how we do things down here in the Deep South! Why am I not interested in dating other guys? Is this online connection that powerful? Is it that real? Will we ever get to see Janet Jackson's other boob? I am admitting he is worth this journey, but what does the journey include? Have I actually met my soul mate on a computer? Can I really handle a journey like this, and can I wait for the intimacy? Are daily emails and phone calls enough to sustain this relationship until we can spend time together? What happens when we do spend time together? Will we have set up an entirely different reality online and be disappointed to find we are not that compatible "in person?" And most important, what the hell do I wear when we first meet each other??!!

 

For those of us on this path, I think it is extremely important to remember daily that with every email, with every phone call, with every single thought of our connection, we are giving ourselves up to a process that is extremely powerful. This process has the capacity to be completely debilitating, yet it holds the possibility of changing our lives forever in a very positive way... It is our responsibility to educate ourselves, to communicate with others in the same boat, and to truly understand the effects of this process and stay grounded... We have no choice but to lead with our heads and not our hearts - this holds true for anyone, I believe, but especially for us folks in ldr's... From what I have learned and from my research, ldr's include many struggles, questions, and lots of interesting turns... Bi-national ldr's carry a completely different set of struggles and require that much more thought and commitment... It is obvious that one can get hurt very easily in this process if one goes about it the wrong way... But ldr's also include positive truths that I had not expected, such as a deeper understanding of another person in such a short amount of time, and a better understanding of one's self, whether one wants to evolve or not...

 

I do feel that I know him so much better than many of my "in person" dating experiences, and at the same time, I feel as if I do not know enough... So there I go being pulled again... I will say that I enjoy the discovery process as it is happening in this experience... I find myself opening up and showing more of myself when I write to him, which is every day... And in this process, I find that I have the opportunity to learn more about myself and to grow in a new direction as I experience all these feelings and thoughts. I only hope that time will deliver more clarity to my perspective and I will see this connection more clearly in the days to come...

 

This journey of mine has me intrigued, to say the least... When I was not expecting it, someone thousands of miles away from me in a land entirely different from my own has captured my attention, and I see the world and myself as I have never imagined... I have questions and feelings that I never dreamed of experiencing... I am forced to look at my future in a completely different way, yet I cannot imagine what this future will be... and it scares me to death... and it brings me incredible joy...

 

And today, it is a risk I choose to take.

 

I will be updating on this board as I move forward, and I would love to hear from others who have progressed further so I can hopefully learn more... I am devoting some time to research the topics of ldr's, gay ldr's, interracial relationships, immigration, etc., and I have lots of web sites bookmarked - if anyone would like some more info on a topic that I am collecting, please feel free to contact me - since I cannot list my email address here (can I? I dunno), use my screen name as a yahoo address and you will find me... and bring me a stiff drink, too... God knows I need it!

[JerSan02]

I am not in a gay long-distance relationship yet, but am facing one soon. I started seeing a guy and have fallen deeply in love, but he has to move in August for school. I have never been more in love in my life and I am struggling everyday because I know it is coming and I already miss him even though he hasn't left yet. I really could use some tips if you have the same kind of situation, or if you just want to chat about it.