Ex is using a mutual friend to try to get info from me. Should I respond?

[Google1000]

My story can be read here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=260811

 

 

Ever since that last thread, I've kept strict NC. It has been 3 months since the breakup. I started NC a little over a month ago, and it has helped me so much much to recover.

 

Recently I've been talking to another girl (although nothing serious, yet. I don't think I'm ready for another relationship at this point) and somehow my ex's best friend found out about it. Funny thing is, my ex's best friend is also a very good friend of mine.

 

So basically this best friend, we will call her Stacy, texted me a week ago saying she had heard I might be talking to another girl. I kept my answers very cryptic (because I KNOW that Stacy is relaying all of this info back to my ex.) I hinted that I "might possibly" be talking to another girl, but I never said yes, and I never said no. I was trying to give her the impression that I was playing the field a little bit so hopefully that would drive my ex crazy. So all throughout this convo stacy kept acting as if she innocently just was curious, but I'm absolutely POSITIVE that my ex is using her to get info.

 

Eventually I just stopped texting Stacy back. I hinted to her that I might have been talking to another girl, but I did not want to bluntly say yes or no.

 

Over the past week since that convo, Stacy has texted me 4 times with innocent messages like "Hey what are you up to?", but I KNOW that once I reply, she will start prying for more info, which I am not willing to give. So I have IGNORED all of Stacy's texts since then. Her last message was "why are you ignoring me?!?".

 

So my question is, am I doing the right thing by completely ignoring Stacy? I'm sure my ex and Stacy are both dumbfounded as to why I'm ignoring Stacy, but I'm tired of this stupid little game they are playing. If my ex wants info, SHE needs to be the one to text me (and even then I will just ignore her), and I want to send a clear message to them that I'm not willing to play their childish games anymore.

 

I'd like to have another chance at a relationship in the future if somehow something were to work out, but I know that now is not the right time. I am no longer desperate for her anymore and it feels great.

 

Opinions?

[NeNinja]

I've got bad news for you Google:

 

In a breakup there are no mutual friends. No matter what they say EVERYONE is on someone's side. You may still be on speaking terms with some of her friends and she may still be on speaking terms with some of yours but EVERYONE is on one side or the other.

[Google1000]

I've got bad news for you Google:

 

In a breakup there are no mutual friends. No matter what they say EVERYONE is on someone's side. You may still be on speaking terms with some of her friends and she may still be on speaking terms with some of yours but EVERYONE is on one side or the other.

 

Not exactly sure what your point is...?

 

Obviously Stacy is going to be more loyal to her BEST friend, but Stacy is also a good friend of mine as well. I'm fully aware that there is nothing that I can do to get Stacy to just tell me what my ex is thinking without relaying everything back to my ex.

 

...but that's not the point I'm trying to make. I'm just wanting opinions on whether or not I'm doing the right thing by not giving any info other than that I "might" be talking to someone to Stacy...and then ignoring her texts as she tries to scout for more info.

[eeazee]

I've been exactly through the same thing. Please do not contact her at all. Only if she does call you and tell you directly that she wants to get back together.

 

Don't reply her messages I beg you, cuz am saying from experience.

Just ignore her and don't tell your mutual friend about your feelings for hjer

[gator12]

We are both at the exact same point, my ex has been using a friend to snoop on me. The fact is you don't let her. She has no right to know what is going on in your life anymore, she lost that when she dumped you. You say you may want her back at some point, but you don't cling to it, exactly where I am right now. I applaud you for that. The fact is you have no reason to have someone spying on you so don't let her friend spy on you. Now you are officially in NC with two people. If your ex is that interested she will start texting you.

 

BUT YOU CANNOT REPLY. She will, email, she will call and eventually she will leave voicemails. You do not reply to her unless she is telling you she wants you back. And even if she does say those words you take it slow, wait a day or two to respond and be aloof about it. You have all of the power right now and keep it that way. If she wants you back she will come back. But just take caution and don't bite on the little crumbs she's sure to send your way.

 

-stay strong, things will work out for us

Gator

[Google1000]

We are both at the exact same point, my ex has been using a friend to snoop on me. The fact is you don't let her. She has no right to know what is going on in your life anymore, she lost that when she dumped you. You say you may want her back at some point, but you don't cling to it, exactly where I am right now. I applaud you for that. The fact is you have no reason to have someone spying on you so don't let her friend spy on you. Now you are officially in NC with two people. If your ex is that interested she will start texting you.

 

BUT YOU CANNOT REPLY. She will, email, she will call and eventually she will leave voicemails. You do not reply to her unless she is telling you she wants you back. And even if she does say those words you take it slow, wait a day or two to respond and be aloof about it. You have all of the power right now and keep it that way. If she wants you back she will come back. But just take caution and don't bite on the little crumbs she's sure to send your way.

 

-stay strong, things will work out for us

Gator

 

Yep. Unfortunately thats how it's gotta be. It's especially tough because the mutual friend is one of my very good friends (I met my ex through her).

[gator12]

Glad to see you're being strong about it, yep my mutual friend was one of my best friends that she met through me. Funny thing is she really thought he would spy on me without telling me? Girls are silly sometimes.

[Surfer203]

Be careful.. when I was going through our situation with my wife.. her friends tried to talk to me and get info. So, I let them know how great life was for me and how well I was handling the separation. Don't give up any info that you can harm you or make you look weak. So, your options are to either pretend to be strong OR ignore them and don't talk to them at all. In my case, towards the ends her friends were trying to feel me out because my wife wanted to come back to me and they were checking for her whether I would go for it or not. I guess to avoid humiliation or something.

[Rose T]

Well... if Stacey really is a friend you'd like to keep, maybe you could just stay friendly but not talk about your love life with her, and if she pushes it, just say that you don't want to talk about that kind of stuff to avoid putting her in a difficult position with your ex? I know how important NC can be and maybe you and Stacey will never have a meaningful friendship, but if you want to keep it civil... there's probably a way.

[gator12]

Be careful.. when I was going through our situation with my wife.. her friends tried to talk to me and get info. So, I let them know how great life was for me and how well I was handling the separation. Don't give up any info that you can harm you or make you look weak. So, your options are to either pretend to be strong OR ignore them and don't talk to them at all. In my case, towards the ends her friends were trying to feel me out because my wife wanted to come back to me and they were checking for her whether I would go for it or not. I guess to avoid humiliation or something.

 

Yea, I think that's why some women do it, but thats only a small percentage of the time. Most of the time I think it's just simple curiousity so no sense in getting his hopes up you know. But you are completely right about the two options, though I favor the latter because pretending to be strong could involve lying which can and almost surely will backfire.

 

Well... if Stacey really is a friend you'd like to keep, maybe you could just stay friendly but not talk about your love life with her, and if she pushes it, just say that you don't want to talk about that kind of stuff to avoid putting her in a difficult position with your ex? I know how important NC can be and maybe you and Stacey will never have a meaningful friendship, but if you want to keep it civil... there's probably a way.

 

This is also true, but it all depends on how good of a friend Stacy is. She could be more of his ex's friend I mean believe it or not, when people break up everybody is on a side no matter what they say. Idk, my advice is to not talk to her but both of you have very valid points.

[Google1000]

Stacy is my ex's absolute BEST friend, and she would probably consider me her 4th or 5th best friend. So yeah, it completely sucks that I have to ignore her, but it's the choice I'm going to make. I've already ignored her last 6 texts, and she seems to be getting pretty irritated.

 

If my ex really wanted me back, she would be stupid to get her friend to try to scope things out for her. I've already asked my ex to grab a bite to lunch a couple months ago before I started strict NC, so if she wanted me back, her best (and easiest) move would be to just ask if I still wanted to grab some lunch.

 

Just irritating. I'm so sick of her stupid games.

[gator12]

I know how you feel, the thing is women just aren't direct with their emotions. And at the same time they expect usto understand all the little things that make them tick. We are guys we are TERRIBLE with emotions compared to women, while they are terrible at communication compared to us. This fact alone ruins so many relationships that were based on real love. But you are right the ball is in her court right now, your invite definitely makes that clear. All you can do now is live your life knowing that no matter what happens in the future, the only way to go from here is up.

 

-Gator