kind of long ideas welcome

[choatic_angel]

Okay; me and my ex were together for just under 4 years, we broke up 2 months ago. We're both adults ( I'm 22 and he's 23) we lived together for 2 years. We had a very loving relationship, and still love each other; however, due to many things like my insecurity about his ex considering we started talking while he and his ex were breaking up and I didn't know anything about it, the loss of two babies due to problem that runs in my family, and the fact that I got too close to a male friend of mine and kissed him. I told him immediately after the fact I felt horrible for it and I thought we'd get past it considering he flirted with his ex and etc point is I know we both we're childish and when we broke up. We broke up a couple months after all the drama

I of course did all the wrong things and some of the right ones. We're talking and he occasionally visits but he was kinda upset that I wouldn't allow my little brother to see him because and as he says " He's gone from being my husband to a tool" I told him he made that decision and when he's ready to change his title let me know.

The reason I didn't allow him to see my baby brother is because when we broke up He was really hurt by it, it's like he tried to latch on to anything that was still there that was my ex he came one day to me so happy saying he learned to spell my ex's name because he found a name tag he left and one night he came in so depressed and hid under the covers to tell me he missed him and ask when was he coming back. Me and my ex where kind of like surrogate parents for my little brother and it took a lot of talks to my little brother to get him okay with the fact that we're not together and I'm okay if I get hurt again but not him. Anyways, we were talking and my basic understanding is that he felt as though we were going in different directions and that he feels that I technically cheated on him, he even jokingly said maybe I should get another bf and cheat on a new guy with him to which I responded I couldn't think that cheaply of him.

He keeps talking about how much better we're doing outside of each other which is funny because I started planning these "changes" before we broke up. I went to see him the other day and nearly fainted because I hadn't been well lately; I attempted to leave because I was embarrassed to be so "weak" in front of him; but he was hurt that I didn't want to be weak in front of him. Anyway to get him to chill I laid down and when I woke found out I'd be stuck there due to the blizzard. (lol ironic) he was a gentleman as always and we just did what we normally . this morning I woke and he was holding me He even suggested we go for an ice cream "date" this weekend.

However its been a couple days since then and I don't think we're going to go out for ice cream because he gave me this little note that talk about how he cares about me and will always love the adventures he had with me and how I'm the "best" (I added those quotes) and how I'm "beautiful" and he hopes I enjoy my day, however he's going to be a little broke due to the fact that he's taking care of his grandmother who has many "habits" and his car broke down a couple of days before the blizzard so he's riding the bus to and from where he's going which I know for a fact to be true.

 

Also, I told him last month (in an attempt at getting the upper hand) "I realize that with everything going on in my life (job got fire bombed, our breakup, moving to a new house,etc) that I wasn't ready for a relationship and that this would be the year I realize who's actually there for me for real and etc ( yea I was completely full of crap but at the time I believed myself too) He's not about to go against something I said so strongly like that (ugh I hate myself because the funny thing about it is that he was considering us actually getting back together but he doesn't want to rush things especially if I feel the way I said I felt. so yea I'm conflicted

does anyone think we have a chance, he's a really good guy and I really love him and urgh this is too much to continuously think about

[gator12]

Normally I'd advise no contact in most situations, but this one is complex and iI think it's clear he still has love for you. But the fact is this relationship ended. It is done, you will never have this back. and you know what you're better for it listen to me.

 

You guys obviously had issues in the relationship that lead to a breakup. Problems in a relationship will ruin even the most true of love. You need to spend some time working on whatever flaws you do have. And you need to realize how important communication is in a relationship. See guys, we are not mind readers, we ARE TERRIBLE with emotions it is a fact. Women are terrible with COMMUNICATING theirs. Those two together ruin even the best of relationships. You guys have to work past your problems together should you ever get back together.

 

Which brings me to the next point, your last relationship is dead. It's gone, you need to go into another one thinking it's a whole new thing. It's not a second chance, a second chance will end in a failure. You may need to talk to him about getting back together but only if you're sure you really can work through your issues. The love is there but don't think that's enough.

 

If he does not want to get back together then the best thing to do is go complete no contact, no matter how hard it is. Right now though I think the ball is in your court.

 

Whatver you do though, do not beg for a second chance etc. Be adult about it, just talk about it, nothing is worth your dignity.

 

Good luck

-Gator

[choatic_angel]

I'm curious as to how the ball is in my court? I feel like I'm losing in so many ways because as the old saying goes the one who cares the less is in control and I don't feel like I'm in control of anything right about now.