annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Hey i really do need help with possibly trying out this whole NC thing. Just a quick rundown of whats been happening in my life. I met someone in an online community about 6 months ago and it was complete connection from the start. We skyped, webcammed ect ect and i was going over to meet them in March, so not long. Anyway when we first met she told me about her mother who has got parkinsons and how she lives next door to her to keep an eye on her. Recently the time we spend together hs gone down alot because her Mom has recently got worse. That is understandable, i have missed her alot but she always texted me once a day. Anyway about 5 days ago she sent me a txt saying shes cracking up and cant handle this anymore. So i wrote back saying please call me if you need to, phone on 24/7. Anyway the last few days she hasnt texted me at all and ive been getting increasingly worried. Ive sent her about 4 texts in that time just saying i love you and im there for you. I didnt want to ask why she hasnt texted me coz i didnt want to put pressure on her like that. I just wanted her to know i ws there for her.I even msgd her friends on FB (they are on my contact list) They hadnt heard from her .Anyway lst night i finally cracked and sent her a msg asking her to please text me coz im worried. Went to sleep,woke up, still no msg from her. Went on Fb and one of her friends said that my SO has contacted them and they are going out for a beer tomorrow. She also said my SO has been mega busy You cn imagine my anger and hurt and confusion lol. So ive sent her about 4 text msgs saying i had to hear from one of your friends that your alive and well. I said i understand your super busy but you couldve taken 1 min out of your time to text me that your alright.I told her how hurt and confused i feel. I kinda regret sending those txt msgs now that my head is abit more clear and im not running on emotion. Im afraid its now going to end bc i stopped being the understanding patient gf. However i think i deserve just a little bit of respect!! I dont know,im sooo confused now. Where should i go from here? Wait for her to contact me and see what she says. Im afraid it will be the end because of my impulsive txt msgs this morn. If she needs space im willing to give her that. What we had was wondeful and it was only just before her silence we had a phone covo and she told me that we will get through this because our love is so strong. But if its only one way communication how can this work. So you should i go NC now untill ihear from her again? Im thinking of sending a snail mail just explaining how i feel with a little gift inside of it, and not having contact with her till she gets it. It will probably take a week to reach her. Please someone give me some advice on what to do, im soooooo confused and getting slightly depressed now. Anni...thakyou
WTRanger Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 It's probably the most painful thing to deal with when someone you care about falls off the face of the Planet. They'll tell you things like, "I was stressed, I didn't mean to forget, don't take it personally." That's all but impossible to not take it personally. Yes, you do absolutely deserve some form of message from her. Even if she needs to say, "I need to be alone for a while." Something, ANYTHING! Unless she has a diabilitating issue that prevents her from talking, texting, or even miming, there is no excuse. Stress, her life, all is not a valid reason to say nothing at all. That's the part that hurts. It's the fact that you literally feel you don't exist to her anymore. You can't hope to try to figure it out. You can't sit and go through everything you've said and done trying to figure out if it was something you said. You can explain to her how you feel, but you can't let any anger seep into the message. Anything like that, she'll see it as an attack and just close down harder. However, you can make it the safest and sweetest message ever written but that won't guarantee you get a response. When people run, the run for no reason. Maybe they know why, maybe they don't. Personally, you've done enough. She knows you are there. She's just not responding. No matter what you do, she'll just build her wall one brick higher.
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Well i cant let her do taht to me anymore. If her moms got an illness fair enough i understand that. But the fact that one of her friends has had contact and not me is what hurts the frikking most. Its a total lack of regard for me. It hurts and stings and punches my gut and heart. I jsut want to delete her number from my phone, break up on FB (we are in each others rship status). I need strength to do this but i dont know if i have atm. What if its a perfectly legitimate excuse? Grrr you are right. She couldve even must texted me to say she needs some space. Im just so angry and hurt atm, feel lost and sad and all those wonderful emotions we get when someone hurts us. Im even taking it out on my friends. I hvent been sleeping well, falling asleep at 5am every night, havent been eating, all the usual crap we do when we feel like abit of flotsam hung out to dry. I did try to be patient, all it needed was one text msg from her and everything wouldve been alright.
depplover_1980 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 The physical feelings will subside after a couple of weeks, you are in shock at the moment. Give her all the space in the world as you've done nothing wrong and she would have to apologise to you in the long run.
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Im just sitting her crying my eyes out atm. I hd to have blood tests recently to and found out i may hve bowel cancer. I have to get a colonoscopy done to see i have. I havent even told her this because i didnt want to be a burden on her. Now im having fights with my friends on FB of all things. I said as a status "i need to get away and just clear my head" One of my so called friends said " well go see your internet lover" I got so angry coz i could see what she ws implying, now ive put this huge thing on my FB telling them to all **** off. Dmmit im breaking down here. This is not good arrrrgh. Anyway its deffo the end here bc i sent a text msg to a friend this morn telling her what happened and how im going to end it with my SO. I looked through my sent text msgs to see what i had written to my SO again and i sent it to her by accident. lol GRrr. So if she had erected walls there is no smashing them down now
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Anyone else? I need a few different opinions. I havent heard back from her btw. This really is doing my head in. I dont want to do NC untill i get some sort of explanation from her and see if we can work on this again. Im stil in massive shock from all this. Dammit if she would only say to me she just needs to look after her Mom for teh time being, i would understand her, but her silence is deafening me. I guess she wouldve got the text that was meant to go to my friend though grrrrrrr. I told my friend that my SO never contacted me but did contact a friend of hers. So i wrote im going to break up with my SO. Sent taht text to my SO by accident grrrr.. I do think we need to talk about it but i guess my accidental text msg hasnt helped the situation along. How can i explain that one to my SO????
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 omg im really losing it. This really is sucking so bad right now. I feel like my heart is being smashed to smithereens. I jsut want to hurt her so much the way she is hurting me atm but i cant do that. Its so silly and such a game. How can someone do this? Know that a person is suffering terribly and yet ignore them like that. How can someone seem to have a heart and then all of a sudden come across like a heartless demon? Its so crasy to me. I could never do that to someone. No matter how busy i was, i would find anyway possible to be able to text someone if they knew how worried i was. Im so baffled, and i dont know how i can ever let go if i dont realy know what is going on in her heart. I dont want to go thru this insanity again. This has happened to me once before. This girl disapeared from my life, when she finally got in contact it was due to her depression. I just dont want to hve to go the excruciating agony againjh wondering wht the hell has happened, unanswered questions just hovering above my head. Dammittttttttttttttttt. Im trying to keep myself busy but my mind just wont let it go grrrrrrrr
D78 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 ... I feel like my heart is being smashed to smithereens. I jsut want to hurt her so much the way she is hurting me atm but i cant do that... This is normal. I recommend finding angry songs on iTunes, and singing at the top of your lungs. A punching bag is also helpful. It's incredibly unfair what you're having to deal with (girl, medical, and friends), and I'm sorry. ... How can someone do this? Know that a person is suffering terribly and yet ignore them like that. How can someone seem to have a heart and then all of a sudden come across like a heartless demon?... This is a common trait amongst people who break up with their SOs. It's like they are kind, loving people one day, and the next day they decide they are the only ones who matter and they stop caring about their SOs. For whatever reason, they are unwilling to put one ounce of effort into the relationship, or the break up for that matter. ... Its so crasy to me. I could never do that to someone. No matter how busy i was, i would find anyway possible to be able to text someone if they knew how worried i was. Im so baffled, and i dont know how i can ever let go if i dont realy know what is going on in her heart... I'm sorry if this is harsh, but I don't think she's not contacting you because she's busy. She's going to have a beer with her friend. In the time it took her to make those plans, she could have sent you a text. She knows you're worried about her, but she hasn't responded. She either doesn't care about you, or has emotional problems that cause her to completely withdraw (not likely, as she's going out with her friend for a beer...). I think you gotta assume she's gone, and start working on getting over her. Good luck.
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Thanks D I know that she has problems with her mom and that is very true. But as ive said ive been as understanding as possible, and theres no excuse for her not to contact me. Its completely wrong. My assumption is that she doesnt need a relationship atm because her life is consumed by her mom, and she hasnt got the time anymore to devote to a rship. However no FRIKKING excuse not to contact me!!!!!!! God i just wann go and delete her FB right now, i really do. Talk about a gutless horrible person ....yes i know i sound crasy right now but this has been building up for the last 5 days and im finally losing my composure right now. Anyway ive made a booking to go to Brisbane next week to spend some time with friends, so that will go along to healing hopefully. There will be no computers near me ect.
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Just quickly i dont know why im still listed as her girlfriend on FB. Very odd.
Spiral70 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 It's a bit worrying that it's being called a break up when you've not even met, I had a lot of feelings for my now partner before we met IRL but we couldn't say we were in a r/ship before we met, although we both would have been gutted if things had gone wrong and we'd never met, we met after 3 months of online contact. It wouldn't have been a break up though, you can't really be partners until you have met. I mean I think there's not much to hold you two together as you've not actually met, so you don't have that bond of having spent time together yet. I also think she is being way out of order still not contacting you, especially if she has contacted a friend, so it's not like she has had a breakdown and stopped functioning, I think that and any serious health problem (ie in hospital) are the only reasons which are feasible for not contacting you. It looks like she's made it clear she doesn't want to contact you, I would stop torturing yourself and walk away, you've given her several opportunities to get in touch and she's chosen to ignore you. I don't meant to sound harsh but I wasted 7 months pining over my ex and wanting him back (he left after nearly 20 years together, so believe me your situation could be much worse), going NC was the best thing I ever did. I got through it and you will too.
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 WELL THE bitch finally contacted me on text. This is what she said "Hi anni, been trying to think what to say for a few days now I didnt expect you to wait. This hs all been so wrong. Im sorry Lee. I should stop going onto sl for awhile. It not fair on anyone. Sorry again" WTF. she asked me to wait. I got so angry i called her and of cousre she didnt answer so i told her what a gutless wonder she was to text me and not even give me an explanation. I HATE HER SO MUCH ATM.
sammyd Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Hey Annisha, sorry to hear what you're going through. I think u have to try and move on. It's clear she doesn't want a relationship with you. At least you now have the answer, even if it's the one you don't want to hear.
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 After i had texted that shes cowardly for ending it via text, she wrote back to me and said "i didnt end it, i thought you did" I didnt reply to that...im just too angry and confused
sammyd Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Might not be a good idea to reply at the moment with you being so angry. Wait until it subsides before doing anything, you're hurting at the moment, and could lash out.
Author annisha Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Yeah i think ill leave it for awhile. She sounds really stressed out anyway. She told me shes practically living at her moms atm. And i jumped to conclusions, shes not going out to have a beer today. If we had some communication i guess i wouldnt hve jumped to all these conclusions. Part of me thinks now its over anyway. Tbh she doesnt sound like shes in a fit state to be having to be dating or being in a rship with anyone. I dont know if i can be there for her either now.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Well you sent her a text meant for your friend saying you were going to end it. After i had texted that shes cowardly for ending it via text, she wrote back to me and said "i didnt end it, i thought you did" I didnt reply to that...im just too angry and confused
Author annisha Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 That is true Heaven. One of those horrible mistakes you can make when you communicate via text ...arrrrrghhhhh!!!! Anyway just a little update. I sent her a single red rose and some chocolates to share with her and her Mom. Thank god for the net. You can order things online and send them to your SO even when you live in another country lol. Anyway i she did text me back and she said that i put a smile on her and her mothers face. She said she still loves me and she will try to keep in contact with me more with updates. She didnt end up going out with her friend because her Mom feels unsafe when she leaves her. Its a really horrible position for her to be in atm and i really feel for her. So im going to continue to be supportive and let her know im there. I think the best way for me and her atm is for me to do the limited contact thing. I dont want to bombard her with texts, she knows im here for her and if she needs me she can contact somehow. Unfortunatly her computer is in her house next door, so whilst shes at her moms its hard for her to contact me except via text. I know i can only do so much. I know its going to be tough for both of us. We havent actually discussed why she didnt text for a few days. All i can assume is that things are really getting on top of her and leave it at that. Im sure there are times i might not hear from her for a few days, i just have to be patient and i will still keep visiting LS and post any insecurities i have so i dont send them to her. I will keep convo with her light if we have any. If she does happen to be able to get on the computer i wont discuss us, ill just try to give her an escape from the unhappiness she is going through in her life. One thing i want to ask. What does she mean she cant handle this right now? Im wondering if it means that she is so stressed out with her Mothers illness she probably cant handle talking about us. So i think thats why i go light. I do miss her though and i really hope this doesnt end us. Any more advice? Am i going about this the right way? Thanks in advance for any replies i recieve Anni.
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