Jdw_Icequeen Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I have been on the same rollercoaster as everyone for a while. Broken up for 2 months.. LC for about 3 weeks now I told him I needed my space at first he didn't really give it to me and then he did. I was really angry with everything. Feeling good enough to do the right thing and let him see his son.. I did say I just wanted to put things behind us and be "friends" obviously what I really mean is civil with eachother.. You hang out with friends talk to them when your bored yadda yadda. But hey we will beable to work out everything now without fighting.. For some reason the word itself "friends" sounded nicer then me saying, Ok I'm ready to be civil now lol. I only really said it because I know he won't try to be "friends" other then talk about things for the sake of our child. So the things I think about that make me feel better. I am coming to accept we are never getting back together. It no longer hurts for me to say that to people and let it be known. I still repeat it to myself if I have to. I think it helps. I think alot about what I want to accomplish and where I want to be in the next 5 yrs. I landed a job volunteering at a hospital, which is in hopes of getting hired there eventually. During the time of volunteering I am going take refresher courses in the field I graduated from. So I can do my job to the best of my abilitys.. Thinking of a brighter future for me and my children helps alot. I often fantasize about the final stage of acceptance.. The one where you completley are over them and don't care about them anymore. The funny thing is when I do it I can actually feel it. Like I am there. Its a nice feeling.. Then I think about somtimes what if we did get back together I thought about it alot in the past. I don't see it working. I seriously can't fathem being back together. Sure I can imagine the good times and the things I enjoyed. BUt all those problems are still there and I could NEVER trust him again not to just disapear. I feel like he would definetly leave again. So I tell myself that so I can ignore any little nagging hope that sometimes pinches me. Even though, I am accepting that we are over. I am mostly looking forward to the part where I no longer care. Where he dosen't creep into my thoughts. Which happens alot still and I scold myself for. Somtimes everything will be going great, I am not even thinking about him getting work done and out of no where somthing reminds me of him. All of a sudden my head is planning out a reconciliation? Or we're back to where we were? I honestly don't know but were kissing and happy. Its like I am day dreaming and can't stop myself. Its like I am not even controling it or can't? Then when I snap out of it.. I think to myself where the hell did that come from? I was doing fine. It dosen't set me back as much as it use to. I just again remind myself were not getting back together. Then think about a future without him trying to be positive that everything will be fine.. Does this or has this ever happend to any of you? Not just where they pop into your mind and you can change the subject. But like a fantasy a story line out of no where? I can usually just think about somthing else when a thought of him or us pops into my head. But this weird out of no where day dreaming.. Like I am in a trance? I must sound crazy lol..
stopthemadness Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Thanks for the tips on feeling better. We could use all the help we can get........
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