adzent Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 ok ill give quick bullets about my current relationship, thank you if you actually read this thing and reply. -together for 2 years now - i love her, she loves me. - see each other like 5 days a week, only go out once a week at MOST. - i have no problem and i am happy with staying in, obviously going out is more fun. However, there is barely anything to do (that we have not alreadyd one a million times), and going out of town would cost money, money which im trying my best to keep because i may go to university and am currently learning to drive. Not only that, im a student, no job, xmas just been, her bday is day after valentines day. You can see why i need to save my money and not use it to get out of this *****ty place. I logged into her fb the other day to post a status (joking around), and see her talking to her best friend (female). She had previously offered me to go on a week long trip with her and her family, but when their conversatin popped up, it went a little like this; - I want you to come instead (her best friend) - he would be boring - tells her there is a club and drink (never thought she was like this, her reason was becase her best friend likes drink, but thte way she said it on the convo says to me she wants to get *****faced. She never drinks, so she will be out of her mind. - talks about our relationship, says we never go out (we went out the previous week twice, one for a meal), - says im boring. Ill quote "id have to kill myself if i had to stay there without the xbox for an hour". She did say she overexaggerated, but the intent was there and i knew when i read it. - was going ot go see a film on valentines day, says she doesnt even like it. That annoys me because she needs to be upfront and tell me, not gossip and talk ***** behind my back. - Her and her mother "plotting" for ways to get me not to come on trip because they miss the friend. pisses me off even more, be upfront, shouldnt of invited me in the first place. -oh also said shes jelous of her best firned because her boyf is taking her to the beach for a kfc and im not romantic? was actually planning on taking her out somehwere pretty nice but fk that. I dont even know what to do. I feel disrespected and annoyed that she thinks she can talk like that behind my back and not be upfront with me. At the end of the convo, she remembered this can happen and i can see the convo, even though this was purely coincidence. she chnged her password. she phoned me later and made up a lie about maybe some foreigner trying to hack her account. When i told her i knew, she tried to blow it off as if i had only seen a small part of the convo. We argued a bit, and then she kept on going on about how she overexaggerated everything. I think she didnt exagerate much because she didnt think i would see it when they were having the convo, so she was talking the truth. Help, i love this girl, i mean thats 2 years of my life....thanks alot if you read this and respond.
lenny Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Good for you for bringing it up right away. I would keep trying to talk to her about it; in person, not on the phone. I am thinking that she does want to stay with you right now despite having such a big list of complaints otherwise she wouldn't be trying to blow off the conversation. That being said, I wouldn't trust her from staying with you for much longer and I don't think there's anything you can do about it. I understand your feelings are involved here but I would probably not want to stay with this girl. She just showed you a pretty serious character flaw where she talks behind people's backs rather than deal with issues maturely. Also, she's being dishonest by acting one way with you and really thinking something different.
Jannah Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 That's mean for her to talk about you that way. She should be happy that her boyfriend likes and wants to spend time with her regardless of what it entails and that you make an effort to be with her and also realize that you are not in a position financially to wine and dine her every night of the week.
Author adzent Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 That's mean for her to talk about you that way. She should be happy that her boyfriend likes and wants to spend time with her regardless of what it entails and that you make an effort to be with her and also realize that you are not in a position financially to wine and dine her every night of the week. I'm not angry, but i wont stand her being disrespectful and takling behind my back. Good for you for bringing it up right away. I would keep trying to talk to her about it; in person, not on the phone. I am thinking that she does want to stay with you right now despite having such a big list of complaints otherwise she wouldn't be trying to blow off the conversation. That being said, I wouldn't trust her from staying with you for much longer and I don't think there's anything you can do about it. I understand your feelings are involved here but I would probably not want to stay with this girl. She just showed you a pretty serious character flaw where she talks behind people's backs rather than deal with issues maturely. Also, she's being dishonest by acting one way with you and really thinking something different. Yeah, i know dude. Shes just saying stuff like i mean everything to her. I dont now what to do. i think she loves me and wants ot stay with me....
Jazzari Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Logging into her facebook was flat wrong. People need to vent and often say things they don't really mean. Those were things she never intended for you to see. She most likely was just talking ***** and it means nothing. You screwed yourself by invading her privacy.
Jazzari Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I'm not angry, but i wont stand her being disrespectful and takling behind my back. Get over this one. Girls talk to their mom and best friend about their boyfriends. They will trash you and vent and get it out of their systems rather than take it out on you. It's a GOOD thing and it's never going to change.
Author adzent Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Logging into her facebook was flat wrong. People need to vent and often say things they don't really mean. Those were things she never intended for you to see. She most likely was just talking ***** and it means nothing. You screwed yourself by invading her privacy. i didnt invade privacy at all, she gave me the password herself and ig ave her mine a while back. Exactly. but this isnt just talking **** this is complaining about the actual relationship. its not girl gossip its pretty serious.
Jazzari Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 i didnt invade privacy at all, she gave me the password herself and ig ave her mine a while back. Exactly. but this isnt just talking **** this is complaining about the actual relationship. its not girl gossip its pretty serious.But that's what girls do. They complain about their relationship. They bitch about the guy's habits and what irritates them. It's usually just blowing off steam and is highly exaggerated. But I do retract my statement about invading her privacy. If she gave you the password, then I would ask her about it.
depplover_1980 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I agree with Jaz, as hurtful as it may be she could have been exaggerating to blow off some steam and she has every right to away from you. Often talking to our friends and family keeps the relationship out of turmoil and a good winge can put things into perspective. Will be hard for you to forget but take it as a sign to be more attentive and get the relationship back on full steam, rather than letting any resentment build up slowly. And respect privacy in future, you need some individuality.
Nexus One Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Adzent. As a guy I understand why you're thinking what you're thinking. You get the feeling you're not able to give her what she needs/wants and the fact that she didn't bring it up with you gave you no chance to fix things. Giving you the idea that she might not actually enjoy being with you and that you might even lose her.
Author adzent Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 Adzent. As a guy I understand why you're thinking what you're thinking. You get the feeling you're not able to give her what she needs/wants and the fact that she didn't bring it up with you gave you no chance to fix things. Giving you the idea that she might not actually enjoy being with you and that you might even lose her. pretty much. She should be more understanding. The thing i dont get is if she found it so boring why is she still with me. On top of this i may be going to university in june.
zengirl Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 I think she was wrong to say it, and you were wrong to read it, and neither point invalidates the other. Don't get me wrong, you reading it was wrong. And she never meant you to read it, and that means something. But those comments seem kind of extreme to me, not like normal venting, and saying that to my friends about my BF would be something I'd never do. It's disrespectful. If you value a relationship, you don't trash the person to other people. You may vent frustrations, "Oh, man he was being so annoying today, and we got into a fight, and I'm frustrated by XYZ" but you don't go that far with blanket criticisms of someone. That's over the line. If it were me, and I found my BF were discussing things about me in that manner, I'd dump him. YMMV. But I expect a partner to be respectful and not trash me to their friends and family.
Author adzent Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 I think she was wrong to say it, and you were wrong to read it, and neither point invalidates the other. Don't get me wrong, you reading it was wrong. And she never meant you to read it, and that means something. But those comments seem kind of extreme to me, not like normal venting, and saying that to my friends about my BF would be something I'd never do. It's disrespectful. If you value a relationship, you don't trash the person to other people. You may vent frustrations, "Oh, man he was being so annoying today, and we got into a fight, and I'm frustrated by XYZ" but you don't go that far with blanket criticisms of someone. That's over the line. If it were me, and I found my BF were discussing things about me in that manner, I'd dump him. YMMV. But I expect a partner to be respectful and not trash me to their friends and family. this is one of the main problems.. It wasnt just ***** talking as if i pissed her off, i did NOTHING. ITs making me doubt the relationship if im honest, why do i want to be with someone who is so bored? She keeps telling me she didnt mean it etc, going back on things she said. Now she is beggining to say stuff like i didnt mean any of it, which again just changing her mind about things = not truthful. ***** i did nothing to deserve this.
heartshaped Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 this is one of the main problems.. It wasnt just ***** talking as if i pissed her off, i did NOTHING. ITs making me doubt the relationship if im honest, why do i want to be with someone who is so bored? She keeps telling me she didnt mean it etc, going back on things she said. Now she is beggining to say stuff like i didnt mean any of it, which again just changing her mind about things = not truthful. ***** i did nothing to deserve this. I think she is just trying to take back what she said because you are reacted so badly to it. Honestly, it's up to you whether or not you break up with her over this. IMO this isn't a big enough thing to break up with someone over and really, the both of you were in the wrong. Yes, you have each others passwords, but she didn't give you her password in order for you to go and read her private conversations. It's a trust thing. It's like saying I am not doing anything untrustworthy, but I also trust you not to go and read through all of my private, personal conversations. She also shouldn't have said the things she said, but judging by your reaction to what she has said I can see why she might feel as if she can't be 100% honest with you. If you want to make things work, you need to go to her (calmly I might add) and ask her what exactly she feels is wrong with the relationship.
Author adzent Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 I think she is just trying to take back what she said because you are reacted so badly to it. Honestly, it's up to you whether or not you break up with her over this. IMO this isn't a big enough thing to break up with someone over and really, the both of you were in the wrong. Yes, you have each others passwords, but she didn't give you her password in order for you to go and read her private conversations. It's a trust thing. It's like saying I am not doing anything untrustworthy, but I also trust you not to go and read through all of my private, personal conversations. She also shouldn't have said the things she said, but judging by your reaction to what she has said I can see why she might feel as if she can't be 100% honest with you. If you want to make things work, you need to go to her (calmly I might add) and ask her what exactly she feels is wrong with the relationship. I didnt log on to purposefully read it, i logged into her account to post a funny status to annoy her jokingly, the conversation popped up as i logged in, COMPLETE accident. Well if she's not happy with the relationship, thinks im boring, cant be upfront with me about it....i dont know what i should do. i dont want to see her right now, i dont take people talking about me like that behind my back lightly, especially when its your 2 year long gf.
Leeway Harris Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Get over this one. Girls talk to their mom and best friend about their boyfriends. They will trash you and vent and get it out of their systems rather than take it out on you. It's a GOOD thing and it's never going to change. I disagree with this. Obviously a woman can tell her mom and her friends why she's dissatisfied with her relationship, but shouldn't she tell the boyfriend too? It's not "taking it out on him," it's being honest and responsible with your partner. Telling her mom/friends while keeping it a secret from her boyfriend is absolutely pre-breakup behavior, if you ask me.
Author adzent Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 yeah well she keeps promising she didnt mean it and all that....dont now wether i should let her come over tomorrow or not.
Jazzari Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 I disagree with this. Obviously a woman can tell her mom and her friends why she's dissatisfied with her relationship, but shouldn't she tell the boyfriend too? It's not "taking it out on him," it's being honest and responsible with your partner. Telling her mom/friends while keeping it a secret from her boyfriend is absolutely pre-breakup behavior, if you ask me. Venting to you BF and Mom is very different from calmly discussing things with the boyfriend. And sometimes people vent over things that don't really matter or are unchangeable. In that case, you vent in private and accept it in practice. If its an issue that is important to her and she believes can be changed, then yes, she should talk to him about it.
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