TheSageMan Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Today I'm moving to another city today to start a new life/find happiness again. I met up with the ex on Monday for dinner to catch up and see each other face to face one last time. It went smoothly until the end when we hugged and she left crying. Should I tell her that I still love her before I leave just to get it off my chest??
is2008 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Depends what the situation is, who is the dumper? If she's the dumper then perhaps not, if she wanted you to stay, she'd have said so as a last attempt to win you back.
is2008 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) Then again, contrary to my previous post, what have you got to lose? You're moving anyway, go for it Edited February 4, 2011 by is2008
Graceful Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Today I'm moving to another city today to start a new life/find happiness again. I met up with the ex on Monday for dinner to catch up and see each other face to face one last time. It went smoothly until the end when we hugged and she left crying. Should I tell her that I still love her before I leave just to get it off my chest?? I'm feeling overwhelmingly emotional today, so this might be my own emotions talking, but if you saw her earlier this week, you left off on good terms, and you're moving anyhow, I don't see any reason to hold back your feelings. As long as you don't expect anything in return, leave on a sweet note and it might really help you move on knowing you are able to be so gentle after your breakup. From the sound of it, she will appreciate your openness. Best of luck to you. I hope your new life will bring you love, light and much happiness. Take care.
january2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) I'm going to disagree and say "no". Judging from her reaction when you parted, she's upset enough as it is. My gut reaction is that she doesn't need to hear that you love her just so that you can "get it off your chest". You're moving to start a new life/find happiness. Focus on that. In my opinion, telling her that you love her is likely to confuse both of you if the possibility of reconciling is not also on the table at the same time. Let her get on with grieving for the relationship while you do the same. Edited February 4, 2011 by january2011
Graceful Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 You really know how to kill the mood, January! :laugh::laugh: (sorry, I couldn't resist, and I am not up to my usual "tender but tough" love advice today) ... Just thought one more "I love you" in the world wouldn't such a bad thing. I do think it's good for the OP to get the differing opinions, I really do.
Cee Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 She knows you still love her. Trust me on this. I've been in this spot before and I think it's best to leave the love you still feel unsaid. Making a point of saying "I love you" right before you leave town is a way of throwing a hook into a person. It's not fair because you are leaving and starting a new life. Even if you want a second chance, now is not the time. You are out the door. She left your presence in tears at dinner. I don't think she's needs the pot stirred any more.
january2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 You really know how to kill the mood, January! :laugh::laugh: (sorry, I couldn't resist, and I am not up to my usual "tender but tough" love advice today) ... Just thought one more "I love you" in the world wouldn't such a bad thing. I do think it's good for the OP to get the differing opinions, I really do. Sorry Graceful - I know what you mean about one more "I love you" However, I think that the words are too loaded with meaning for the majority of people to use after a breakup, particularly when the OP mentions that the purpose of saying "I love you" is to offload. He's starting a new life. They can't be together. Telling her that he loves her is not going to change that. After he tells her that he loves her, what is she meant to do with that information? ETA: cross-posted with Cee
Graceful Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Sorry Graceful - I know what you mean about one more "I love you" However, I think that the words are too loaded with meaning for the majority of people to use after a breakup, particularly when the OP mentions that the purpose of saying "I love you" is to offload. He's starting a new life. They can't be together. Telling her that he loves her is not going to change that. After he tells her that he loves her, what is she meant to do with that information? ETA: cross-posted with Cee January and Cee have good points, and I already admitted I am feeling a little wishy washy today. Of course it's a self-centered thing to say right now. Even if it is a sweet thing to say, it is misplaced in saying it to his ex. So, Sage, I have to retract my gentle advice today and get back on track here. There is a thread for posting instead of breaking NC, right here in the Coping Forum, so that's a great place to get something off your chest, and perhaps a better place at this time. Wishing you nothing but the best.
IfiKnewThen Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 i am a hopeless romantic. and life IS short. TELL HER. AY IT. what have you really got to lose? that you took a chance. still move...etc..but let her know she s loved. that you love her. gosh i hope this message didnt get to you too late. lol. but its still not too late. tell her. at least its out in the open. then maybe down the road love between you can be patched up. but you dont know unless you try.
Byren Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I'd tell her, you're probably not going to see her for a while and if for nothing else then tell her for your own sanity's sake! I personally don't think this is a time for holding your cards close to your chest, but this is another hopeless romantic on the line so it might be best to take this advice with a grain of salt.
Recommended Posts