EliteGal Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Greetings all, I'm new to this site, and this is my very first post here... I had been in a dilemma over the past week..There was just something I couldn't comprehend. The story goes like this: I've dated a guy (my first guy, to be honest) for about a few weeks, and unfortunately, it didn't last. The thing that sent me into such a deep dilemma is that he seemed to be such a nice guy, and willing to go all the way out just to win my heart. Everything about him spelled sweetness, as he would send me text messages on a daily basis. Other than that, we would have instant messaging chats every night. His words sounded so full of sincerity and promising then. However, I still do have doubts about him. (This was my first relationship and I'm sure you guys understand that its difficult for me not to have any.) I had a habit of expressing myself on facebook, and would post random posts describing what I felt. However, I made it a point to talk in riddles for "safety measures" of offending anyone in particular. I was not sure whether it was one of my posts that cause it, but his communication came to a halt one day. I sensed that he was avoiding me to a certain extent. He would no longer take the initiative to message nor communicate with me. I attempted to text him (in my cheerful mode), and his replies didn't reflect his usual self. Something just felt wrong. Immediately, I thought probably it was some of my facebook posts that had caused it. I've done my part by trying to clear the misunderstandings about it, and he listened. (However, I doubt he did really bother about it, really.) If my posts were what that bothered him, he should at least clarify and ensure its not a misunderstanding, right? In no time, I realized that he had deleted all the photos of me from his facebook, and even untagged himself from MY photos - without any reason or explanation or whatsoever. He did all these silently within a day - and left it at that. (Come on, we were still fine a few days ago!) We had no "official" quarrels, nothing. We were still behaving like any other couple the last time we met, and it was already a different story altogether within a few days. I tried to tell him to give me the honest truth -through text message- about what was bothering him, and that he could say it straight to me if he had to, but he didn't. He just left me hanging there. No breakups (even though it already felt like a breakup to me), no nothing. There was no closure, and I felt really uneasy. Definitely not a pleasant experience for a first relationship. I just thought it was very irresponsible of him not to mention anything of what he felt. This had me troubled. He would respond if I text him, but those were one or two-worded replies. There were so many a time I had the urge to send him a long e-mail about how I felt and that we should at least have a closure should our relationship has ended, but is that really a wise idea? So far, he hadn't been contacting me and I'm lost. One of my friends had told me that he just wasn't serious about me. (Because if he is, he would've tried all means to clear up whatever is bothering him and hang on to the relationship.) The fact that he had let it go so easily and let the days pass by without initiating contact with me just explains everything. Do you think this is a form of silent breakup, and I should just declare myself "single" and move on? But somehow I feel that it is unfair to me should I let the relationship slide as easily as that. (I am starting to feel that this guy is a coward. He doesn't even have the basic courtesy to tell me whatever is bothering him, and just took the silent way out.) Any advices or replies from any of you are much appreciated! May God bless each and everyone of you who actually took the time in reading my post...
sammyd Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Hi, and welcome to LS:) Well, sounds a bit odd to me, but sadly sounds like he's 'checked out' already with him deleting ur pic's and stuff. If i were you, i'd try and move on. Seems rude him not even offering some kind of explanation, and i can see how you're starting to feel he's a bit of a coward. That's because he is! Move on to someone more deserving:)
Author EliteGal Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Hi sammyd, Hi! Thank you so much for your warm welcome.. Yes, odd was the word too regarding everything. I just have no freaking idea what it was that he had issues with. Surely he could have explained or clarified it before coming to what could have been his conclusion. Thanks for your super fast reply though, I'm feeling a bit better now.. Yeah, I believe it would be the wisest idea for me to move on to someone more deserving.. But I am somehow in a deep **** now because many of my friends and relatives know about my first relationship, and it would be embarrassing to tell them that we have broken up - when it didn't even last for a month! Lol. But I myself had taken down all "traces" of him from my facebook. Probably I would just deny that I was ever in a relationship and brush everything off as a rumor or assumption. Haha..
comethemorning Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Welcome to LS EliteGal! If I may ask before proceeding, how old you are, as well as how old is the guy you were in the relationship with? Peace.
Author EliteGal Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Hi comethemorning, Thank you for your warm welcome! Well, I'm 22 this year.. and the guy is 6 years older..
Graceful Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) Hi Elite, Sorry to see the guy you liked just bailed on you like that. I can understand how confused you must be, and how disappointed. He just didn't turn out to be the person you thought he was, did he? If this was your first relationship, then I have to assume you and he are both relatively young and inexperienced. While I do think it's fair to say he did not have the courage to come clean with you, I also have to cut him some slack for being inexperienced and immature. Is that a fair assumption? EDIT: I just saw he is six years older than you ... so this is definitely very immature behavior for a man his age, and if he acted like this with you, he is probably keeping all of his options open and playing the field. Not very fair to you. He lacks character and courage, and those are important qualities. He's not the right guy for you. He should have at least said *something* to let you know he didn't want to see you anymore. But in his mind, since he didn't know you very long, he took the easy way out and just let himself out the back door. Yes, this happens. No, it's not nice. I think you will be better off just letting him go his own way and "hearing" what the silence is telling you. He's moved on and the reason may not matter at this point. Be careful with FB. It should not be used as an "open diary" when you are getting to know someone, and that person doesn't know your personality very well. It can lead to confusion. Sorry you're hurting. Stay on LS and hopefully, you will find some inner peace, learn, and go forward. Thank you for the blessing! Take care. Edited February 4, 2011 by Graceful
Author EliteGal Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Hi Graceful, Thank you so much for your words and advice... I'm glad I managed to stumble upon this site in the midst of my confusion while googling for my dilemma. (Yeah, this sounds silly, but that's how it led me to here, which I'm grateful it did!) I do feel better now after reading all the responses here, I can just conclude that this guy ain't worth my time after all! Yeah, it was really a disappointing experience for a first relationship. I thought I had understood his personality well enough then, but apparently he proved me wrong after all this happened. And yes, I'll be more careful with FB from now on. I'll refrain from posting statuses that will lead to confusion. I just hope that this isn't what that led this relationship to failure. But since I had already done my part clarifying with him, I guess the problem lies with him then. Thank you for being so kind in reading and answering me. I'll take one step at a time and hopefully find my Mr.Right one day. That guy can just get out of my life from now on! Take care too...
comethemorning Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Oh hunny, by the way you described his behaviour, I would have thought he was 16-18!!!! You really do not need someone who at 28 has the maturity level of a teenager He sounds like he is emotionally/socially retarded. (note - not meant to offend anyone with that word). As for it being your first relationship and how your family and friends will react, don't worry about that. If 'first' relationships didn't end, they wouldn't be 'firsts' . I am quite sure that your family and friends would rather you be with someone who treats you well and respects you. No One wants to see someone they love treated badly. And yes, I too think he was a coward. You my dear, deserve better. And chalk this up as a learning experience. Now you know what you don't want and what the signs are of an uncouth mate. Next time, at the first signs of misbehaviour from a mate, you will know to cut them loose and continue on in your search. The right one is out there somewhere. Like I tell my own daughter - the purpose of dating is to weed out the undesirables and find the things in a mate that you do want. Just because you are with someone now, doesn't mean they are the "forever one". When that one appears, you will know - because they will reciprocate your feeling back to you. Yep. You are a single, beautiful young woman, and the world is just waiting for you. Grab it and go!!!!!! Peace.
Author EliteGal Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Aww... comethemorning, your words and advices just brought me to a new level of confidence and made me feel so much better. Thank you.. Alot of people whom I know had told me that both me and him were advancing way too fast in the relationship, but silly me - I went ahead with it. But yes, now that he's out of the way now (I don't need cowards in my life! Hahaha), I should be glad that I am now open to more and BETTER options! I'll stick around here in LS... All of you here are such lovely people. Thank you once again, and I look forward to seeing you guys around here! *hugs*
sammyd Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Haha! You do sound like a confident young lady already:) Don't let this experience knock you, there's plenty more fish in the sea (such a cliche, but sooooooo true:) Good luck!
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