happythroughout Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I made an appointment with a co-worker to go watch a play after my business trip in another state. However, during this time that I was away, I heard of some things that aren't in his favor and that I believe are true (I have some access to personnel files). I would prefer to keep this information private. Anyways, after knowing what I came to know, I've decided not to go with him to the play after I return. My dilemma stems from the fact that we'll definitely see each other in the office. Should I just pretend to have forgotten about it, hoping that he won't bring it up? If he does, I'll say I'm busy? Or should I just go for the play and leave it at that? I'm not inclined to bring the information up and explain why I don't want to go for the play anymore because I'm not supposed to have known about it.
Jazzari Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 If you don't want to go out with him - then don't. I would absolutely tell him no. Don't complicate things or get in any farther with him by going out of a misplaced sense of obligation.
Author happythroughout Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 I feel a "sense of obligation" because I made a promise. He'll be left scratching his head wondering what hit him. Like what most LSers say here, they don't like to be left in the cold, not knowing why someone didn't call him/her when they said they would. He's not a bad character, just some information that made me think. I don't want to go but I don't want to "hurt" anyone.
Crow9726 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 You could be honest with him. Let him know you heard a rumor so you took it upon yourself to scan through his confidential personnel records for your own personal agenda. That should deter him from wanting anything further to do with you. Therefore...problem solved!
Jazzari Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 You could be honest with him. Let him know you heard a rumor so you took it upon yourself to scan through his confidential personnel records for your own personal agenda. That should deter him from wanting anything further to do with you. Therefore...problem solved! I strongly disagree with this! Admitting to scanning his CONFIDENTIAL personal records FOR YOUR OWN AGENDA is a good way to get fired. Being honest about hearing a rumor and leaving it at that would be ok but could get sticky. He denies and she can't say why she believes it to be true. I would make a polite excuse if you don't want to hurt the guy and leave it at that. Going out of politeness will make it harder to refuse him later and hurt him more if he really likes you. End it now and end it clean.
Cee Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 You have said he has "good character", so I am going to take that at face value. I agree with Jazzari. Keep things simple. People cancel on plans all the time and it can be done gently. It's ok to say that something came up and you can't go to the play. And you will be telling the truth. Another suggestion- Don't gossip with coworkers about the news you think you know. Gossip can create a toxic workplace for this person who is trying to overcome some sort of past situation or problem.
Author happythroughout Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Should I even mention that I won't be able to make it? I'm inclined to just let it slide. I can't bring myself to "lie."
Jazzari Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 You don't have a set date and time? Then sure, I would try the "let it slide" route. If it was a casual, off-hand invitation, maybe it will never be an issue.
Author happythroughout Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Nothing set in stone. I just feel really awful for doing that though, therefore the dilemma. Sigh.
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