TheThinker Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 ok well i dropped my daughter off last night and she asked me to stay for a little bit. In my curiousity i did (as i think most people probably would) ... She said we can watch CSI as it was something we always watched together and despite me saying dont worry about it, i can watch it another time, i have got to be somewhere in 45 mins etc she put it on anyway ... So we sat and watched it and talked. I asked a few questions such as has she been thinking about the future and she just said she doesnt really have any answers at the minute. Everything was really good, we shared a laugh and a joke. It was almost perfect other than i wanted to reach in and kiss her. Left to be where i needed to be. I got a message saying: _______________________________________________________ HER: Im sorry I don't have any answers. X ME: I don't expect all the answers, obviously you said before you said that you felt that we might one day get back together. When are around each other we are getting on really well and stuff. I obviously miss you ... I have finally sorted myself out so that I'm not the person I was 2 weeks ago because I was a mess HER: I know that wasn't you. I think about things all the time, past, present and future....nothing is clear to me though...I wish it was. ME: I understand x HER: I’m sorry x ME: I honestly understand ... I obviously miss you a lot. I know you probably don't miss me like I miss you. HER: I do miss you, yes some of it is probably in a different way at the moment but don't ever think I don't miss you or don't care. I am thinking about A lot of things and im not really sure what at the moment. That's why i can't answer anything. I told you I think about past present future....I don't have any answers it anyrhing that will make this situation better at the moment ME: I don't expect you to Click your fingers and make anything better. Even if you said to me know we would be back together tomorrow i would say no because it wouldnt be right ... It is a hard situation all round. I know what you mean about the past etc ... Hindsight is rubbish because there are so many things I would change but the past is the past ... It obviously can't be changed HER: I know its hard....trust me I know. I lay pillows along the bed next to ne to make me feel less lonely...I don't know what's going to happen and I wish I did...Just at the moment I have no answers to the situation ME: I know you have no answers at the moment HER: I know...as hard as the situation is its nice for me to hear you speak like that...not beat yourself up about it all ME: It doesn't mean I don't feel **** about how I treated you etc but yeah I know what you mean. I wouldn't ever want you to hate me HER: I don't, don't think that. I would never hate you no matter what. I’m going to go to bed now. Enjoy the rest of your night. X ME: I will let you go then. Night night x _______________________________________________________ I sent her an e-mail today as i needed to know where to pick my daugher up from as the childminder always contacts her ... ME: Howdy - Do you know where i am picking xxxx up from ?? Hope you have a good day. Hope your back is a bit better HER: You sound happy - My back is a lot better today. She hasnt sent me a message yet. ME: I’m ok; I wouldn’t go as far as to say happy. Let me know when you find out. I enjoyed spending a little bit of time with you last night. It was nice … even if it was sqweegel time (a reference to the CSI she put on last night) !! HER: DONT!! (a reference to the csi bit) It was nice to be able to just sit together...even if its as friends at the minute, i like your company. You sounded a bit happier... _____________________________________________________________ Ok so i messed up - i dont know why i done it, i dont know why i caved in and broke the limited contact that i had ... I dont feel any worse for it, if anything i feel a little better because everything went well when we were together (ok maybe not as well as i would have wanted i.e. us starting again, but then i wasnt expecting that) She likes being in my company, we have been getting on really well when we are in each others company. I realise at the minute thats in a friendship. I know that she is still confused and doesnt know what she wants at the minute. Where do i go from here. I feel that if i spend time with her, i may push her closer to us just being friends which i ultimately dont want. I would obviously like to be back with her at some point (not right away) ... i am not kidding myself any other way. If i go back to limited contact will she feel like i am pushing her away after. Its also my birthday weekend (BD is on monday) so i will be seeing her when i pick up/drop off my daughter this weekend a few times, plus monday as its my birthday (she wants to give me some presents, plus a present from her mum), then again on tuesday which is when i would normally see my daughter
is2008 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 that's a real tricky one! I know everyone preaches NC/LC but i think you spoke about your feelings too much... she knows how you feel (if she didn't, she does now) and i think you should leave it at that. she sounds confused and isn't sure what she wants, but by being there, you could find yourself "friend zoned" which is what you don't want. you now know she feels lonely too, with her pillow habit, i would give her time and space to let her come to you if she wants you back. if it makes you feel any better though, the CSI thing, anyone would have done... she reached out to you. depends in what capacity though... but that's what she's unsure about too so don't beat yourself up.
oldSOULe Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Mate i wouldnt beat yourself up too much about this lapse. I know that im trying to stay strong and use my head rather than follow my heart, but i know id probably crack at the slightest flicker of hope. Anyway i dont think its a disaster you reminded her that you still enjoy each others company and didnt blow it by doing or saying anything to pushy. Maybe try to return to LC, reply to any messages but try not to get into deep conversations about the future or anything.
Author TheThinker Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 I know everyone preaches NC/LC but i think you spoke about your feelings too much... she knows how you feel (if she didn't, she does now) and i think you should leave it at that. She knew how i felt anyway ... i have just toned all of that down and taken all the emotion out of the contact which is the complete opposite of when we 1st split. she sounds confused and isn't sure what she wants, but by being there, you could find yourself "friend zoned" which is what you don't want. if it makes you feel any better though, the CSI thing, anyone would have done... she reached out to you. depends in what capacity though... but that's what she's unsure about too so don't beat yourself up. I know most people would have and i can at least hold my head up in that i at least stayed strong enough to leave when i needed too (we didnt finish watching it) which i couldnt managed 2 weeks ago ... i ended up being late to where i needed to be and letting 5 other people down in the process although they understood Maybe try to return to LC, reply to any messages but try not to get into deep conversations about the future or anything i think thats all i can do for the time being at least - i dont expect anything to come of this weekend, in fact i am dreading it. I can honestly say i am not interested in my birthday, its just going to compound things even more i think.
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