isabella411 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I have been in a casual relationship with my best friend (he is 27 and I am 25) for about a year now. We would hang out almost every day after work and on weekends, and while we were intimate (though rarely had sex), most of the time spent together was over dinner and watching TV. We would have so much fun together laughing about random things and doing stuff together - we were literally best friends - and not to mention I had some feelings for him as well. After his winter vacation, the first thing he did was call me over to see me. We hung out and everything seemed fine. After a week, he seemed distant so I asked him what was wrong, but his answer was that work was busy. That week also turned out to be a very difficult week for me work-wise, and I needed some friendly advice, but he didn't seem to be available for that either. I was frustrated, but decided to let it go and went out with him one night for drinks. We got into a silly argument which made me want to take a step outside, and the moment I stepped back in, I saw him flirting with a girl. This usually wouldn't have affected me, but the bad work week, my frustration and also the alcohol made me go into a jealous rampage where we got into a huge fight. After a few days, I sent him a honest email where I apologized, and he accepted, but he told me that we could no longer hook up as he realized that he doesn't want to take chances of losing a best friend over the fact that I can't handle a casual relationship. I asked him how he could think that over one mishap over the course of the year, but his mind seemed made up. And while we have hung out as usual after that (sleeping over included), there still seems to be a wall up on his side, and I can't decide whether he even considers me as a friend anymore. Have I ruined everything by my actions? If not, is there any way I can mend this situation?
sammyd Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Hi Isabella, i'm guessing this is the same relationship you were in when you posted before? Remember the advice that Diesel gave you about pulling away? I believe this may be the best option. It will be really hard, but you've either got to make him realise that actually, he really does miss you when you're not available to him constantly. He needs space to sort himself out, and i think you do too. It's clear that you have feelings for this guy, and please be careful about investing them in a guy that says he's unavailable to you. I would give him some space, and if he still wants the friendship he'll come back. Just be careful you're not opening yourself up to more hurt. He says it's a 'casual' relationship, so, if he did find a girlfriend, how would you feel about that?
musemaj11 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 So he agrees to remain best friends, but the problem is that you want him to put out for you? If what you want is sex, then why cant you just find a boyfriend?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 It's my belief that if a guy really likes a girl, nothing would stop him from pursuing her. Your " friend" doesn't like you, because as the both of you agreed on, everything from beginning until the end was casual. If he had wanted a girlfriend, or at least wanted you as his gf, what could have stopped him from asking you in the first place?
Mad Max Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 It's my belief that if a guy really likes a girl, nothing would stop him from pursuing her. Your " friend" doesn't like you, because as the both of you agreed on, everything from beginning until the end was casual. If he had wanted a girlfriend, or at least wanted you as his gf, what could have stopped him from asking you in the first place? The same thing that could have stopped her from asking him.
Author isabella411 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Thanks all, for your responses. I understand I need to pull back. He texts me as if nothing happened and we are still friends, and the next minute, he just gives me the silent treatment. I guess we both need some time away from each other. It scares me that he may find someone else to spend his time with, but I guess it is what it is...
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