t0ri Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 How do you think father-daughter relationships influence girl's romantic relationships? I've seen my father once a year since my parents divorced when I was 4, as he was cheating. He doesn't KNOW me, and for the past couple of years, it has really effected/hurt me. I think about it much more. He's made no effort to know me, and still hasn't. I'm his one and only biological child, and neither of us are getting any younger. I'm 23, and he's in his early 60's. Now that I'm an adult, I've made more of an effort to know him, but it's gone nowhere. I feel completely unimportant to him, and more like a chore. I'm not sure, but I think my father "issues" affect my relationships somewhat. I think I feel "bound" to be neglected and thrown away. I'm confident in myself, honestly, and feel I should be appreciated, but I become insecure about if I am, and can't see a man standing by me forever. I think this also has to do with the few relationships I've seen my mother in... (all cheated). How do you all think father's relationships with their daughter's affect the women they become?
LifeIsGreat Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 It is well documented that a womans relationship with her Dad is a HUGE influence on her adult romantic relationships. I'm not sure of all the details, but I have read this many times. I have also seen it in the r/l's I have had with women. However, there are some women who have recognized this (like you) and have been willing to get help.
Woggle Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 It is a huge influence. If you look at misandrists and women who mistreat men there is usually a horrible relationship with the father. The same thing happens with mothers and sons. Look at me.
zengirl Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 How do you think father-daughter relationships influence girl's romantic relationships? I think they impact it a lot when you're not conscious of it, and the influence of it fades as you become conscious of some of the ramifications and take steps to change it. I believe people are empowered with the ability to control and change their own thoughts and patterns, but it's true that the "default" pattern is better for some than others and this is a major factor. I've seen my father once a year since my parents divorced when I was 4, as he was cheating. He doesn't KNOW me, and for the past couple of years, it has really effected/hurt me. I think about it much more. He's made no effort to know me, and still hasn't. I'm his one and only biological child, and neither of us are getting any younger. I'm 23, and he's in his early 60's. Now that I'm an adult, I've made more of an effort to know him, but it's gone nowhere. I feel completely unimportant to him, and more like a chore. I'm sorry this hurt you. My relationship with the bio-Dad (a serial cheater on my Mom and all his other wives) is a bit similar, though not quite as strained and the lack of effort is mutual at this point. But I was lucky enough to have an awesome Stepdad, who is basically my real father at this point because of the neglect from my father (who my mother gave every encouragement and change to remain in my life). I'm not sure, but I think my father "issues" affect my relationships somewhat. I think I feel "bound" to be neglected and thrown away. I'm confident in myself, honestly, and feel I should be appreciated, but I become insecure about if I am, and can't see a man standing by me forever. I think this also has to do with the few relationships I've seen my mother in... (all cheated). I think the pattern of bad relationships you've seen (your mother's) is likely to create trust issues. The key is to see WHY that happened to her. Are there any patterns or choices she consistently makes that explain it? What is the difference between a good and bad man? I --- perhaps reductively --- consistently sort out men by thinking, "Is he like my bio-dad or my step-dad?" basically wondering, "Is he a bad man, or a good man?" But I got to see a good man. Did you? Do you know any? Looking at some good relationships is often helpful. Do your grandparents have loving relationships? Any other relatives? Any family friends? I mean, very long-term ones, of course.
utterer of lies Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 How do you all think father's relationships with their daughter's affect the women they become? The relationship to their father is probably the most significant factor influencing their choice of partners.
Cee Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 It is a huge influence. If you look at misandrists and women who mistreat men there is usually a horrible relationship with the father. The same thing happens with mothers and sons. Look at me. I was physically and emotional abused by my mom. And my dad was good to me, but he got cancer and died when I was young. I had to go through a hot mess of therapy. I did the whole enchilada of mental health treatment-- inpatient, outpatient, group, and 12 step recovery. And many years later, I consider myself adequately recovered. Easy peasy. For the past 5 years, I have been happy. I'm happy because I'm healed. But I don't proclaim I have answers for anybody else. Abuse is a horrible thing and when people I have known OD on drugs or commit suicide, I realize that I just got lucky. I didn't do anything special to get better. I was granted grace.
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