P&R Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I've been dating this girl for 2 and a half months so far and I've known her for 5 months. We were friends prior to dating so i'm fairly familar with her and she is with me. I love her and said as much to her and ever since I've been feeling weird. Sometimes extremely affectionate, other times I feel distant. I think it's a mechinism to keep myself from getting hurt since she didn't say it back neither did I expect her too. From what I gather we're on the cusp of a relationship, however she seems like she is a commitment phobe. Her longest "relationship" before me was 4 dates. This girl is 23 and has never been in a relationship. She is always asking me relationship questions, and making future plans with me. She seems to be seriously considering entering a relationship with me but at the same time she is seriously hurting me. We've gone on about 13 dates in total so far and I don't even have exclusivity. I'm not asking for a relationship... just exclusivity. Since I've fallen in love the thought of her dating other men is starting to hurt me... especially when she is affectionate with me... I also feel her friends have something to do with it... although they've never met me. I know she obviously likes me a lot... she is concerned for me when I'm sad, and she is always there for me. Whenever she see's me she has a big smile on her face. Despite this she is causing me a great deal of pain. I can suck it up for now but I can already feel it start to build. How long would you wait for her to come around? I love her but I don't want to be waiting around forever for her to make a decision. Either way I'm going to be hurt by this... if I decide to wait or if I decide to leave. I also don't want to tell her that she is hurting me.... Doing so would only look like a pathetic attempt at manipulation. I don't want to manipulate her in anyway.
Author P&R Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Am I being a bit unreasonable here?
Author P&R Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) Have you talked to her about this? Like I said.... I don't want her to know that her dating other people is starting to hurt me. I think she would either: A. Walk away because she saw it as manipulation or B. Become exclusive with me because she feels guilty about hurting me. Both are things I do not want although I think she'll need a little push. She seems deeply affected by her parents now sour relationship. I have briefly brought up this issue... I asked for exclusivity but my tounge got tied and she was confused by what I was asking. I clarified later (1 month later) and said something to the effect that I asked to early. She switched from "we're just dating" to "this seems like more than just dating" yet I'm pretty sure we don't have exclusivity. I also let it slip that I have fallen in love with her. UPDATE* I asked her out for Valentines Day and she said she probably will be working. She also said it's something that isn't important to her. Excuse or no? Either way I'm going to suprise her with some flowers, and a few other things at her work. If she isn't there then I'll know she lied to me, would you end it if this was the case or confront the person? It isn't about spending V-Day with me that would piss me off... it would be the lying to my face. Edited February 5, 2011 by P&R
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