Is it possible for feelings to change for someone for no reason????

[chelle21689]

My ex of 5 1/2 years broke up with me last week and seem torn to do it. He was crying, he lost weight, couldn't sleep after he broke up with me. He said he felt he was growing apart from me and his feelings changed.

 

I asked if there was anyone else he said "no." i asked "was it the long distance?" he said "No..I can handle distance" (we've been distance for 2 1/2 years and I was suppose to move next fall after his deployment).

 

I asked him "Is it the deployment this year?" he said "no."

 

He said he honestly doesn't know why we grew apart even though we skyped every night and stuff. Me visiting didn't feel the same.

 

He thinks that maybe his focus on the Army and his busy schedule has to do with it. Everyone I talked to about this thinks it's cause we're young (22, 23) and because of the Army and distance combined.

 

 

A week later I asked "So it's been a week, did you ever find out why your feelings change?" he still claims he doesn't know and that he didn't want to make the decision to break up but he felt like he was stringing me along and felt guilty. That's why he can't be back with me. He didn't want to lose me from his life and he kept calling but on Sunday I cut off contact for a few months and he was upset. I promised to be there for him during his deployment though.

 

He leaves June for training and in September or October he will go to afghanistan. I think I sensed him drifting a couple weeks after he got his first own apartment and language school (army) to learn an Afghan language.

Edited February 4, 2011 by chelle21689

[Graceful]

chelle,

 

It sounds like you really do have the answer, and perhaps it's his inability to really put all of his feelings together into a coherent "reason" for you that's the problem. He doesn't want to crush you, and it sounds like he doesn't want to blame what's obvious: he has to focus on the military, his military career is really the most important aspect of his life. He is changing as a person.

 

You are growing apart because the life he is living is drastically different from the life you are living. The distance between you is more than just "miles" if you know what I mean.

 

He said he felt he was growing apart from me and his feelings changed.

He said he honestly doesn't know why we grew apart even though we skyped every night and stuff. Me visiting didn't feel the same.

Emotionally, he's got so much more on his mind, and he does not want you to feel like that has anything to do with you, because the truth is, it doesn't. You did nothing wrong. He has no emotional space right now.

 

Everyone I talked to about this thinks it's cause we're young (22, 23) and because of the Army and distance combined.

So all in all, I have to agree this is the case.

 

He didn't want to lose me from his life and he kept calling but on Sunday I cut off contact for a few months and he was upset. I promised to be there for him during his deployment though.

You're doing the right thing. And it's good to set that up now, before he is deployed. He's going to be so far from home then, and he is going to need a support system, perhaps by then you will have your perspective and you will be able to support him.

 

You're in a tough spot because he does need you on one level, but if he's not your BF and can't return the feelings he once had, then you can't pretend things are the way they used to be. If he contacts you for any reason, try to be as nice as possible and explain why you need to go NC for now, and that it's not because you don't care.

 

In the meantime, he sounds like a real stand up guy. He does not want to string you along and was honest with you. You need to be thankful for his honesty.

 

Wish him well no matter what happens. He needs support. I, for one, appreciate his service and his integrity.