dreamingoftigers Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 You already have a family.....and if it comes to it, your husband might not be a part of it, but still you and your daughter are a family. As the daughter of a father who had a lot of dysfunction, cheating, alcoholic, etc. I resented and was angry at my mother for not keeping me away from him. She was a doormat and watching her take my father back time and time again when he certainly did not deserve any more chances was a lot more painful than if she had just kicked his ass out and made him stay gone. Do you see that you ARE responsible for giving your daughter a good role model and that is YOU since your husband is dysfunctional. Your daughter will most likely have a happier outlook and future if you live your life being a strong woman who stands up for herself and her by not subjecting her to the dysfunction that is your relationship and the dysfunction in your husband. I had a father that was ridiculously abusive and alcoholic as well. I resented my mother for keeping him and berating me for hating him. I resent her to this day. The biggest problem I have here is that my husband is an excellent father. He loves her, cherishes her, is affectionate with her and plays with her. He makes all of her food from scratch and spends as much time as he can with her and gets her nice toys. He makes other things for her as well. He doesn't yell at her or get short with her, she loves him very much too and gets very excited when he comes home. He is like the father I would have wanted. The fact is, he is a conflicting **** to me but not ever to her. If it started to her, or if he berated me in front of her (again) I would have had no problem booting him down the curb so fast that his ass made skids as it went. And not in the cute "if he promises to change he can come back and then everything will be fine way." As in, gone, permanent and fighting tooth and nail to make sure he gets no form of custody. I always knew that I would be fiercely protective of my children because of the way that I was raised. If he treated her even 10% the way he treats me, he would be coldly, emotionlessly tossed out. I have no doubt of this whatsoever. The hard part for me here is feeling like I have put my own emotional needs above that of my daughter and her future with her father. She won't get to see him everyday, she doesn't have the same home and stability options that come from keeping a family together. Everyone can wail and say "they adapt, they'll be just fine" but the stats show differently. And quite frankly, one of the biggest problems I have encountered in my life is thinking that I am probably the exception and not the rule.
Ross PK Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Interesting, I never heard the term incel before. I would be a little cautious about applying such a term to yourself like it is a definite sure thing that can't change. It's one of those things where it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You say you are attracted to the majority of women. I wonder though what you mean by that, and if you are limiting yourself more than you think you are. I will use an extreme example and ask you, are you attracted to women who are 15 years older than you? I'm not necessarily suggesting you go and try to date someone like that, but it would be a lot easier. What I mean is that I find the majority of women physically attractive, even most girls who I can see would be classed as say a 4 or even 3 out of 10, for some reason I just really find hot. Chubby girls are no problem, as I find chubby women to be more of a turn on over skinny ones. As for dating someone 15 years older than me, I couldn't do it. I'm 35, so that would make them 50. The oldest I could go would maybe be 44 or something. Have you ever met women from another country significantly different from your own? Sometimes there are “international” groups in various cities where people from other countries get together. I went to one of those myself after a long period of no dating, and I found that women from other countries worked better for me for some reason. Maybe it's because people find others more attractive when they are exotic. Maybe it's because the women at those groups were not having a lot of luck dating Americans, but they wanted to. Maybe the dating culture in their native countries is just different enough that whatever the reason I was having relating to American women was not an issue there. It's something worth trying anyway. To take this to an extreme, if you really wanted to solve your problem, you could move to a country where Western men are in high demand. In a place like that you might find things were much different for you. I have heard men talk about things like feeling like they were “a piece of meat” or “an American supermodel” when walking down the street upon moving to some countries. Some of that may be overly hyped, but I think there is some truth to it. I've never heard of those, fact is though, I'm an Incel, no women anywhere are going to be sexually attracted to me. I'd hate the thought of living in another country anyway.
Ross PK Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Same thing here,brother.It's kind of pathetic but you take what you can get,right ? Its funny but If we drove ...We would never have the opportunity to be physically close to a woman I drive, but sometimes if I'm going far I'll take the bus, as I don't have much confidence with driving.
Joe Normal Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 The cure to porn is to be with a woman who really turns you on in bed. The cause of porn is the opposite.
LittleTiger Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 The cure to porn is to be with a woman who really turns you on in bed. The cause of porn is the opposite. What an insightful and intelligent answer!
Alma Mobley Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Well, the article is about men who prefer porn to being with a real woman, so it doesn't matter what she does in bed. As for the article being BS, I think the people interviewed are real, but it is a slice of life article, NOT some sort of scientific study and does not claim to be. I saw nothing strange about the interviews. Read it with a critical eye, sure, but if it mentions studies, look them up yourself. The journalist who wrote the article probably interviewed many, many subjects and then picked the most interesting and/or controversial to write about. It's probably harder to make it up than to find someone willing to talk about it.
IrishCarBomb Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The Last Psychiatrist nailed it: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/02/hes_just_not_that_into_anyone.html
dreamingoftigers Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The cure to porn is to be with a woman who really turns you on in bed. The cause of porn is the opposite. The cause of porn is different for everyone. In my husband's case it is very hard for him to get turned in by someone he is emotionally close to. Porn offers him the emotionless sexual release he needs, therefore it became a highly powerful drug to him. No real woman that he drew close to would be able to compare. Nor for very long anyways.
Engadget Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The Last Psychiatrist nailed it: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/02/hes_just_not_that_into_anyone.html Yes he did, its not an addiction and porn isnt the actual problem. Women that think it is will never listen though. A porn store near me was attacked years ago because a radical feminist group said it caused rapes. Madness!
Titania22 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 The Last Psychiatrist nailed it: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/02/hes_just_not_that_into_anyone.html Thankyou this was an interesting read, that provided a different perspective on the original article. And to me it made alot more sense.
waynebrady Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 If the boyfriend/husband is watching porn then it's the woman's fault because she is not giving enough sex. Give him sex and he wont watch porn. I don't think in any way men are entitled to sex, not at all. But if the woman is not giving it then whats the man supposed to do? Unlike women, most men cant go months and months without getting off someway.
MarlyStar Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I try to make a change but I just feel like I am putting blinders on. How many married women do you know that truly are happy with their husbands. The way some women talk about men these days you would think they would be glad to have men looking at porn and leaving them alone. I try to make a change and then I read how women really feel about us men it makes me just want to throw that hatred right back in their places. Men are criticized if we are players and use women for our gratification but when we truly do care and end up getting hurt we are told we are getting a taste of our own medicine. I am sick of it. You need therapy Woggle. Most women I know do love their husbands even ten years later. I reckon even if you knew such a woman you wouldn't recognize her, you are sooo bitter and frightened of women. I'm sure there are some good reasons for it, but you are just plain and simply WRONG. And if you don't do something about your mysognyny you run the risk of eventually messing things up with your wife, the one you love so well and whom you claim is different. She may be different from your first wife, but she isn't different from most women. It's just not healthy to be so hateful and clutch so closely to your heart all these odd stereotypes about women.
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