oaks Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 after a while he unzipped his pants and grabbed my hand to make me touch him...I would move my hand away but he would grab it and tell me not to be scared,to just let go...and started making me touch him.... So how did you feel about this development? Don't forget that you can always tell him to "put it away" if you're not ready for that.
nat_nat Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 and grabbed my hand to make me touch him...I would move my hand away but he would grab it and tell me not to be scared,to just let go...and started making me touch him....he was kissing me at the same time...then after a while he tried to touch me down there...I said no and he stopped...we kissed...then he tried to make me touch him again Look at the language you have used here, by saying he 'made' you touch him that to me means you weren't all that happy about it and probably wasn't quite ready for things to go that far. And if he keeps going on about wanting you to be comfortable, he shouldn't be 'making' you touch him unless you say you're ready to.
welikeincrowds Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 and something else that was weird for me,he said he was embarrased to ask, but he asked me for 10 bucks,he needed to put gas to get home and he would give them back tomorrow good lord, and you're impressed with him? I am so scaredOh don't be intimidated by this ****ing guy. Look, it's not exactly him that you're scared of, it's your lack of experience. Don't indulge this. Be clear on what you want, and enforce it in your life. If you don't know (or, more accurately, can't commit to) what you want, then its your job to unexpect any expectations if you decide to go along.
heartshaped Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 This guy is only in it for sex and it's obvious! You had to tell him no twice. A respectful guy would've stopped after you told him no the first time and on top of that you had just had a conversation with him about how you wanted things to slow down. What happened to that? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I can tell you are inexperienced and if I can tell, he can tell, and guys like that take advantage of women especially those that they think are inexperienced and can't see through their crap.
Gala Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) He asked for a loan for GAS MONEY?? Seriously? Wow. Had you been in an established relationship it would have been one thing. But you're just getting to know him, he's clearly broke, and not in financial control. This is not a person you want to be with. His preoccupation with you is also troubling. The incessant hard press he's using would be really disorienting - especially if you're not experienced. We girls like attention - and this can be tricky. It is worth giving thought to how you want to know someone, how you want to spend time with them...and how you want to feel when you're with him. Edited February 7, 2011 by Gala typo
LittleTiger Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 There are so many warning signs that he's just in it for the sex! He certainly knows how to talk, and tell you what you want to hear. He's trying to make you think he's one of the "good guys" by asking you "do you still think I'm with you for sex?" A man serious about getting into a relationship would not have brought that up. He wants to make you feel romanticized so you give it up to him! Stay away! He doesn't respect YOU for who YOU are. He just wants your body. I totally agree with this. A man who respects you would not treat you in this way. He's deliberately saying what he thinks you want to hear and that's a player through and through. Any man who says he loves you (or any version of it) when he barely knows you is after something. The fact that you lied to him about the keys suggests your instincts are kicking in - pay attention to those instincts, you have them for a reason.
Author lil325 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 when I said he made me touch him....he didn't use any kind of force,he just grabbed my hand and pulled it towards him...I moved away and he tried a couple of times again,when I wouldnt touch him,he stopped trying... I'm not impressed...I'm....intrigued...and no,I'm not scared of him anymore...I was at first... like I said, I'm not planning to marry this guy,his financial problems are not my problem...I did lend him the money...like I said I'm intrigued...I want to know what is going on with him,what he wants,what's going to happen...I haven't and won't give him money again... and about him, saying what I want to hear...he hasn't...like I said on my last post, he is not trying to behave like prince charming....he is not trying to make me swoon for him...he doesn't do all of the things you would think a guy looking to fool a girl would do....I know you guys probably think I was swooning when he said he loved me...I wasn't... and also, like I said...nobody commented on it... would a guy who is just looking for sex go so far as to spend more than 5 hours a day,everyday for a week with a woman?? I mean,there are easier girls than me out there....much easier and it is not hard to find them... and if this is some kind of...quest for him...wouldnt he be making more effort to fool me? I mean, he hasnt done things to make me go like this ...which I think is the easier way to get a girl to have sex...just by being prince charming....he hasnt tried that one...he doesnt make me swoon....and when he talks, it's on a more...serious way....not like...romantically...I don't know how to explain... edit: oh and something else...I'm no hottie...I'm a bit overweight,size 12 and definitely not sexually attractive...I dont dress provocatively either,I'm more the jeans and a tee kind of girl... and, if he was hiding something...would he call often during the day,at random times...would he send txt messages all day,would he answer quickly whenever I call him...would he let me meet his friends? know his friends and family names... I don't know,there are so many little details...
LittleTiger Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Lil, you asked us a question because, in your own words, you're inexperienced. So, presumably, you wanted people more experienced than you to give you the benefit of that experience. Both men and women, have responded to your question and we've all said the same thing. Yet, for some reason, you want to believe this man is a good guy. He isn't. I'd bet my bottom dollar on it. Why would he spend 5 hrs a day with you, every day for a week? Probably because, the way things are going, he thinks you're going to 'put out' any minute now, so it's not a huge investment of his time. Maybe he even thinks you're good company.......but you being good company doesn't mean he won't drop you like a hot-potato when he gets what he wants. If he's a player looking to score with a virgin - your size and weight is irrelevant. I don't want to scare you, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was taking bets with these friends of his that he's introduced you to, about how long it will take him to 'break' you. He's not expecting it to take long. If you want to have sex with this man - go for it. It's your body and it's your choice. Lose your virginity to him if that's what you want to do. It's not for any of us to judge you one way or the other and you've waited a while so maybe you just want to get it over with. If you don't want sex with him, and you don't see him as marriage potential, maybe you should ask yourself why you're wasting your time with a guy who needs to borrow 10 bucks for gas. Whether you decide to have sex with him or not, please get one thing straight. He is not interested in a relationship with you, so don't expect one. Whatever happens, at least that way you won't get hurt. NB: If I'm wrong, and you guys are all loved up 6 months from now, please come back and let us know because I'll happily eat my own words (well maybe not happily ).
Lilmisus Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Honestly, all he wants is sex. You are inexperienced, and he's on a quest to have sex with you because it will be more satisfying for him. According to your last post, you guys spend five hours a day for a week together..yea that doesn't mean anything. I've had friends spend months with their boyfriends who were just trying to get in their pants, and they were willing to to spend all the money they had on them, spend every second of every day with them, and go the extra mile, but as soon as they got what they wanted, they were gone. My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months and he doesn't push sex at all (we've had oral, but that was only very recently because I told him I wanted to try it). He says that he wants our first actual time to be special and not just spur of the moment. According to him, sex doesn't matter as much to him now as it did a few years ago, when if a girl wasn't putting out, then he'd leave her right then and there. And how he treats me is with respect, and like he truly cares and wants to get to know me first without going to that level. This guy is not doing that with you, and there's a reason for that. For your own benefit, tell him that you want to take things slow: no kissing, touching (hugs excluded), or sexual contact. This will test his self control and whether or not he will stick around to just do all that talking that you guys do all the time. Try going out even, and see how he treats you there with those boundaries. And you can put that boundary up for as long as you want: one night, two, a week, or even two months (what my boyfriend and I did when we first started seeing each other). If he passes "the test" then there's your answer, or at least part of it. I really hope I'm wrong though and that he is genuinely into you, but honestly, it doesn't seem like it. Best of luck regardless though
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 would a guy who is just looking for sex go so far as to spend more than 5 hours a day,everyday for a week with a woman?? Yes, absolutely! A guy looking for sex would spend that time because he's already invested effort and sees success potentially soon!
oaks Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 would a guy who is just looking for sex go so far as to spend more than 5 hours a day,everyday for a week with a woman?? I mean,there are easier girls than me out there....much easier and it is not hard to find them... Yes, and he's already done the easier girls.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I'm curious about why you are spending hours and hours alone making out and "petting" with a guy who does not socialize with you out of your apartment ... if you are not interested in having sex with him.
Author lil325 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I don't know...and we have socialized outside of the apartment...karaoke night....but...I don't know, I like talking to him...we talk about many things, not just sex...that's when he becomes good company...I enjoy his talk...about his life...he is a teacher..at an elementary school...he talks about his class...about his mother, his divorced sister, his father, his cats, his past...5 years ago he was going to get married...had everything ready and she left him a few weeks before the wedding day....he talks about his friends, who are all married and with children...and how he doesnt get to see them much anymore...he tells me he is more of a quiet and relaxed person...that his nightclub days partying all night are over...that he prefers going to cafes,movies,etc.... he really talks A LOT about himself...and like I said, I'm intrigued...he is different from anyone I've met....in a weird and interesting way...I'm not falling for him,believe me I know and I understand everything you all tell me...most of you are probably right...I know that...but I want to live this,to know what is going to happen....I will not have sex with him...I'm planning to ask him what he would think if I told him I want to wait at least 6 months...I was going to ask over the phone...but I want to see his reaction...I want to see his face when I say it...he's very expressive... I don't know...this is becoming sort of a quest for me I guess...to know him,to know who he really is...to know what might happen... and I would still like your advice and your words...
Yamaha Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I think You know what you want. I think you want him. Why play games if you don't want a relationship with him. What other reason can there be? Do you want him as just a friend?
Lilmisus Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Questions: How interested in you is he? Does he ask multiple questions? Does he seem to truly care about you? It's only been what, a little over a week? Some key features that you should be looking for in a potential boyfriend (no one's talking marriage here) are that he: cares about you, respects you, is interested in you, and vice versa. But from everything that you've said is that he doesn't seem to respect you very much by pushing the limits when you say no; and I gather he talks more about himself than about you, so does that mean he is truly interested in you? It seems like you guys are just using each other for means to an end since he likes to talk and potentially have sex, and you enjoy the attention and you're intrigued. It's still too early on to tell, but if you don't set boundaries then he's going to keep pushing them, and keep disrespecting your wishes. If you want to wait six months then sit down with him (don't tell him over the phone, that's just rude), and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you're interested, but that things are too early for you guys to make that move in what could POTENTIALLY be a relationship. Say that when things feel right you'll let him know, but you don't think it'll feel "right" for you until you've gotten to know each other for about six months. If he can't respect that, MOVE ON, regardless how interested you are (that's called infatuation by the way). I still believe that he's only looking to get some tail, but when all's said and done, it's your decision to make, and you're the only one who can say when you'd feel right to have sex with him (if you do) and what you feel towards him.
elastica Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I don't understand why is it such a shock that he wants sex. Of course he wants sex, everybody wants sex. I am a woman and I want sex too. But no, I would not spend 5 hrs a week just for sex with somebody. I would have to like that person a lot. OP, I would like to ask you something. My question is genuine and please don't get me wrong. Is it true (like most posters suppose) that you have waited so long because you think virginity is something special? OR, are you actually frustrated by your virginity?
Author lil325 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 *how interested in me is he? does he ask multiple questions? he does, he is constantly asking me what I want, what I think, questions about my family, about my work, about past relationships, about what I like...do I like to party a lot? do I like to cook? do I like 80s music? do I like horror movies? stuff like that...likes and dislikes....also about what I want for my future...do I want to get married? do I want kids? he also asks a lot of questions about himself...what do I think of him? do I think he's a bad person? do I find him attractive? did I think he was singing horrible at the karaoke?? do I like to be with him? do I like to talk to him? do I like his kisses? etc.. he also...explains things a lot...like...when he knows I don't know much about that subject...he gives a long explanation...for example...there was a tv show about the superbowl and he started explaining stuff about football...about past games and who had won...etc...after a few minutes it was boring...but I appreciated it anyway.. when we are together he is always asking if I'm ok,if the way we are sitting and hugging is uncomfortable...if his arm between my back and the sofa is uncomfortable, if he is crushing me against the sofa...etc... when he notices I'm quiet...he asks what's wrong...the other day when he came into my apartment, I was really tired,I had a bad day at work...he noticed and listened to the whole story.... I guess that's what intrigues me...on one hand he is all about sex...on the other...he is just...normal I guess.... I do plan on telling him I want to wait...I want to see what happens...he has been texting all day...he asked if we can meet tomorrow...I will say yes...and I plan to tell him....
Author lil325 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 Elastica, you are the first person with a different opinion! lol... you know what, you are right, to me it's not a shock he wants sex,I want it too,we all do! but I just don't want it to be all about that...that is the problem...if he wants sex from me,then he has to want everything else...the whole package... oh and it's not 5 hours a week Elastica,it's 5 hours a day, everyday for one week.... about the other question....I haven't waited because I want someone special...I'm not waiting for prince charming to have sex,because that is just stupid and unreal...there is no prince charming out there... I'm just waiting for...a feeling...I want it to feel right, I want to want it so much that it's just the thing to do....I don't know how to explain it...I guess I'm just waiting for the right moment...and that hasnt come along yet....
LittleTiger Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Elastica, you are the first person with a different opinion! lol... you know what, you are right, to me it's not a shock he wants sex,I want it too,we all do! but I just don't want it to be all about that...that is the problem...if he wants sex from me,then he has to want everything else...the whole package... oh and it's not 5 hours a week Elastica,it's 5 hours a day, everyday for one week.... I don't think Elastica has a different opinion - I don't think any of us is surprised that he wants sex. The question you asked was whether it was just sex that he wants..........and, as Stonecold pointed out earlier in the thread, some men will spend 5 hrs a day, every day for months, never mind a week, in order to get what they want. The more you say the more I'm starting to think you do want sex with this man. If so, then go for it - but not until you're ready. Even if his long-term intentions are good, he's pushing you way too hard in my opinion. Things should happen in your timeframe, not his.
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