teamtrek15 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I haven't lbeen 100% upfront w/my girlfriend lately about my financial situation. I run an online business that has dwindled badly over the last year and it's to the point now I've started scrambling to start applying to some regular jobs and am thinking of shutting down the company that worked so hard to build up over 3 years ago. My g/f knows I'm not rich and knows that the business is struggling but not to the extent it really is. It's to the point I need to borrow a couple of thousand of dollars from a relative to help me get by for the next month and change until I land a job. She doesn't know I'm borrowing the money. Am I wrong for not telling her this? We've been talking about moving in together over the course of the last month but the last thing I want to do is move in with her and not be able to come up with my half. She has a pretty decent job as a retail manager. This subject has been causing tension. She's been saying that I'm not moving fast enough about moving in together and it's either because I don't want to live with her or she asked is it because I don't have the money, and of course I denied that. Now I think she knows deep down that's what it is. I actually lost money on a side business venture that I was doing to try to make some extra money and I think she felt bad and offered me money. I told her no I will be okay but thank you. It felt so good that she was there for me but it felt so bad that she even had to offer that. The thing is her last boyfriend was a police officer high in rank and was pretty well off due to money his parents left him when they passed away. Her ex-husband ended up hitting a big lawsuit due to a work injury and they lived together in this huge 6 bedroom house, etc. etc. She tells me I treat her way better than those two and she loves me for me. but to be honest I don't have much to offer her financially right now and she says she doesn't care about all that but I am insecure that I'll lose her eventually because of my own personal economic windfall and that I haven't been 100% truthful about what is going on. I had to vent this on here to get it off my chest because it's been bothering me a lot. Any advice or tips are much appreciated!
LittleTiger Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Your relationship sounds as though it's pretty good so can you not just talk to her about what's happening? She wants to move in with you so that means she wants to share her life with you. That includes the bad times. There are many people going through the same difficulties as you are right now. I myself have a business that, although not yet 'failing', did far less well last year than in the previous 7 years - it's the economic climate and you can't see it as a personal failure or let it affect your self-worth. You're doing what you can to rectify your financial situation and she can't expect more than that. She says she loves you for you. Believe her. Talk to her and allow her to support you emotionally through this difficult time. That's just one of the many things partners are for.
Author teamtrek15 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Your relationship sounds as though it's pretty good so can you not just talk to her about what's happening? She wants to move in with you so that means she wants to share her life with you. That includes the bad times. There are many people going through the same difficulties as you are right now. I myself have a business that, although not yet 'failing', did far less well last year than in the previous 7 years - it's the economic climate and you can't see it as a personal failure or let it affect your self-worth. You're doing what you can to rectify your financial situation and she can't expect more than that. She says she loves you for you. Believe her. Talk to her and allow her to support you emotionally through this difficult time. That's just one of the many things partners are for. thanks so much for the advice little tiger!!
LittleTiger Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 You're welcome. Good luck with the job hunt (and the talk with your gf). I hope things work out for you.
Imajerk17 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Yes, I concur with Tiger, do let her know. Sit her down and tell her your situation. There is no shame in being in the situation you are in, as long as you are doing all you can to get out of it via honorable means. If she asks why you didn't say something sooner, tell her that it was hard for you to admit this, and that you wanted to try to fix your finances on your own first. The other side is that *what she is imagining to be the reasons* why you are stalling in moving in, is much worse than the truth. Even if she suspects that it is because you are having financial troubles, you are losing points for not coming out and saying it.
musemaj111 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Women don't respect men with less money. Go ahead move in with her. But don't be surprised if she treats u like dirt or dumps u once she finds someone better.
musemaj11 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Just remember that most women don't respect men with less money. Go ahead move in with her but don't be surprised if she treats u like crap or dumps u when she finds a better man.
heartshaped Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Just remember that most women don't respect men with less money. Go ahead move in with her but don't be surprised if she treats u like crap or dumps u when she finds a better man. Well, I don't think the OP would want to be with someone who didn't want him for him and only wanted in his pockets anyways. My boyfriend's finances aren't the best and he asked me once if I wished I had chosen someone with more money. I told him honestly, no. I don't need a man's money. I take care of myself. Good women look at a lot more than how much money you make.
musemaj11 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Well, I don't think the OP would want to be with someone who didn't want him for him and only wanted in his pockets anyways. My boyfriend's finances aren't the best and he asked me once if I wished I had chosen someone with more money. I told him honestly, no. I don't need a man's money. I take care of myself. Good women look at a lot more than how much money you make. I said most women, not all women.
dispatch3d Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I would just be straight with her. You probably have enough issues with the financials that keeping this stuff from her is only adding to things. Just let her know the business is going under and you are currently looking for a job in the meantime.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Your relationship sounds as though it's pretty good so can you not just talk to her about what's happening? She wants to move in with you so that means she wants to share her life with you. That includes the bad times. There are many people going through the same difficulties as you are right now. I myself have a business that, although not yet 'failing', did far less well last year than in the previous 7 years - it's the economic climate and you can't see it as a personal failure or let it affect your self-worth. You're doing what you can to rectify your financial situation and she can't expect more than that. She says she loves you for you. Believe her. Talk to her and allow her to support you emotionally through this difficult time. That's just one of the many things partners are for. this is solid advice. nice, tiger.
sammyd Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Yep, defo sit down and tell her. She sounds like the sort of person to understand:)
alexlakeman Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 TELL her.. I am a guy and am in your situation, basically. Either she accepts it or she takes a hike.. no sense playing like you are doing ok... If she accepts you in the bad times, then she is a KEEPER.
Joe Normal Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Just tell her the truth. If she reacts badly, she's not the right person for you, and you save yourself time and hassle with the wrong person. If she reacts well, you did better by telling than by hiding. Telling the truth here is a no-lose situation.
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