FaLALAla FREE Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I have posted on here before, under another name. My husband is verbally abusive, but claims he is only reacting to my lies, bad parenting, etc. I have readily admitted that I have lied to my husband about finances, my bad management, etc in the past. I have greatly imprived my budgeting skills in the wake of these issues, but he does not see it. We have been having problems for a long time, not just finanacial. Because of something I said here about how I felt at the moment, in anger, which he brings up all the time, I am reluctant to go too far in detail. He has used so many things to alienate me from friends, so they know the "real ____" they are dealing with. He has been telling me for months how much he hates me, what a bad parent I am to our 2 children, how dirty/un-organized our house is (really, the entire basement is filled with his brother's crap) I do not do the women's work around the house (yes, not kidding!) etc. We have not had sex in more than a year (yes, you read that right) I keep asking him, does he just not want to because of his medical condition (heart disease), but no he just does not want to be with me in that way... I realize most of our problems stem from his verbal abuse but something happened that has just shattered me. We were arguing (again) about money and our tax return. We finally get a refund this year now that my student loans are paid off and he wanted to make sure he gets the big refund before he goes on HIS trip for his 40th birthday and wso he can pay off HIS harley. In the heat of the moment, he called me "Kim" THAT IS NOT MY NAME NOPR DO WE HAVE ANY RELATIVES OR CLOSE FRIENDS WITH THAT NAME!!! Once he realised I had heard him say it, he just said just becuase he is friends with someone it does not mean anything... Any Thoughts?
iheartboobs Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I think you married a selfish, self-centered, chauvinistic, man who's cheating on you with a girl named Kim. I think he resents you for lying to him in the past and hurt by whatever you said to him, and that any tender feelings he may have had for you are overshadowed by this. I think that you need to get out of this marriage. Those are my thoughts.
cmh2002 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I think you married a selfish, self-centered, chauvinistic, man who's cheating on you with a girl named Kim. I think he resents you for lying to him in the past and hurt by whatever you said to him, and that any tender feelings he may have had for you are overshadowed by this. I think that you need to get out of this marriage. Those are my thoughts. I agree with the above statement! I would leave and not look back! I bet you he is cheating!
2.50 a gallon Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I have known several Kim's in my life, half of them were male. I think it is time to talk to an attorney, this is never going to get better
YellowShark Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 If no one in the family is named "Kim," and he said "Kim," I would be very curious where the name Kim comes from. It is very odd to call your wife a strange out-of-the-blue name like he did. On the other hand your husband does sound like a verbally abusive dweeb. And he fact that he is actively alienating you from friends is a hostile act, not a loving one. Love cultivates, it doesn't dominate FaLALAla FREE.
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Continue talking to your friends and family, get their help and support, along with a lawyer and get that abusive SOB out of the house. File for divorce. He is killing who you are! Sucking the life out of you, showing the kids a not normal unhealthy attitude of what family is. It's doing damage to them too. Please, get help and get strong so you can get him out of your life. I don't advocate divorce but when it comes to abuse and the person not willing to change (and it seems he is cheating too), there's no point in trying to make this better, or try to save the marriage.
Author FaLALAla FREE Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 for the last two days, I cannot even look at him without seeing the look he had on his face when he relaized I had heard him say someone else's name to me. Disgusting! I have cried so much in that time I think I am cried out. As a point of reference, we have been together for 18 years as of March 1, and married for 16. Our kids are almost 14 year old boy/girl twins. I am ashamed that he brought our shared friends into this by telling them about what I had said about him on this blog, making me look like the bad guy. Never mind that it was "said" in anger, like he's never done anything like that. To him, it was calculated and cold. Unlike him cheating or calling me another name!! He has this weird, know it all, he's perfect, does not make mistakes kind of attitude. My favorite line he says is that he remembers everything I have ever told him so that he can catch me in lies. Load of crap! He is disabled from a heart condition and does not work. Home all day doing whatever. I do all activities with our very busy kids, at best he will take the kids to practice or scouting, but only becuase I am not home from work yet. He also says my job at home sarts when I get home and that the 45 hours I put in at work don't count toward our household.... His disability pays the mortgage, but I pay everything else, including insurance on all his vehicles and motor cycle. I am not sure I can afford to be out on my own, but I am seriously trying to figure that out.
Author FaLALAla FREE Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 I made him move out of our bedroom, at least. The house is in his name only, at least the mortgage is. I filed the taxes and I meet with my attorney tomorrow. She is a man-hating shark and I am going for extreme cruelty and adultery, which are two of the "faults" here in buckeye land. I am going to start the process of gathering and copying all the necessary docs I need in the house, probably while he is out at various times. Just going to take it day by day. So far, that has not been working out too well. This happened on Ground Hog Day and it feels like I am part of the movie. That day just keeps repeating itself, where we argue and I see that look on his face again and again and I am desolate from the pain he has caused me.
BB07 Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 I made him move out of our bedroom, at least. The house is in his name only, at least the mortgage is. I filed the taxes and I meet with my attorney tomorrow. She is a man-hating shark and I am going for extreme cruelty and adultery, which are two of the "faults" here in buckeye land. I am going to start the process of gathering and copying all the necessary docs I need in the house, probably while he is out at various times. I think it's awesome that you are taking the bull by the horns and doing what you need to do to get your ducks in a row and if ever a POS deserved it, your hubby does. (A Man hating shark of a lawyer}! Please continue to stay strong and get you and your children out of there or better yet, he should be the one to leave. Your life will be so much better and more peaceful when you get him behind you.
Author FaLALAla FREE Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 I am practicing the 180 plan, but #30 is really, really hard! ( 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy Also going for minimal contact, like I left him a note regarding the kids activities today and to get milk, that was it. Last night, I was updating him on an exam my daughter is taking today (time/place, etc that he has to take her to...) and as I am walking downstairs away from him, he says "you're the one ending this and not even trying to fix it EXCUSE ME? I reminded him he is the one with the lawyer in his back pocket for months, and he is the one seeking other women to counsel him! I said no, you are the one who is ending this and walked away.
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