Gironbachs Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I've seen it said many times, here and other places: "If they wanted you back and they still loved you, they'd contact/tell you." I don't think that's neccessarily true. What if the ex was stubborn and proud beyond belief. Even if theyre the dumper, who's to say they don't miss you and still love you and are not reaching out because of that? Maybe I'm still looking for excuses, I dunno. This bothers me. WE broke up once before and she came back after a month. This time, it's been five. Maybe I just miss her - just been thinking about this a lot. I guess maintaining NC is still the very best option for me. I can't help thinking about it though.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 If they dont contact you to try again, they dont miss you enough. Thats all there is to it.
is2008 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 The answer is in your post minus one word...truly. If they wanted you back and loved you truly, they'd contact you. Love has no boundaries and stubborness is not an excuse. Sure it's a front which some people (including my ex) put on, but eventually that dies down. The stubborness arises from anger. Once it subsides and reality sets in, if they truly love you, they'd contact you. I'd rather lose my pride (if I was the dumper) than potentially the love of my life. I think it's time to move on. You need to accept that it's over, and that's what I'm trying to do from day 1 NC because if I keep hope, I'll waste my life away. Sure I miss her, but not what she has become, still stings like hell.
DustySaltus Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 If they loved you the way you deserve to be loved they would break their own selfish patterns. Sometimes during a breakup the dumper would rather just move forward with someone else than take the time to step back and realize that they were part of the problem too. It's easier to move on then go and rehash things. More than likely, the dumper was thinking about their decision for a while as well. I've had an ex come back to me after two and a half years. I'm sure six months after we broke up, I would've jumped at the opportunity to be back with her. But after taking time for myself (which is what you should focus on) and realizing what happened it that relationship, I realized that she wasn't the one for me. Her life has now headed in such a different direction I can't begin to tell you how much of a blessing it was that we didn't stay together. It's hard to see in this moment but this experience will help you earn your stripes so that you're ready for the person you're truly supposed to be with.
LifeIsGreat Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I have broken up with women, and then decided I made a mistake. What did I do??? I swallowed my pride, called her up, told her I made a rash decision/mistake, and asked her if we could try again. I truly believe my current ex felt she may have made a mistake by breaking up with me (since I was very good to her). However, if she doesn't have the balls to let me know that--- then I simply dont want her.
ALonerAgain Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 If they loved you the way you deserve to be loved they would break their own selfish patterns. Sometimes during a breakup the dumper would rather just move forward with someone else than take the time to step back and realize that they were part of the problem too. It's easier to move on then go and rehash things. More than likely, the dumper was thinking about their decision for a while as well. Speaking as having been a dumper and most recently, the dumpee, I can agree with this. As the dumper, I was focussed too much on the little (but potentially harmful) flaws my ex had but was too short-sighted to realise that I had some serious issues too. With my most recent ex, as the dumpee, I can see now he might have thought that it was just me that was the problem, just in the fact that he never admitted responsibility for some of the downfall of our relationship. I've had an ex come back to me after two and a half years. I'm sure six months after we broke up, I would've jumped at the opportunity to be back with her. But after taking time for myself (which is what you should focus on) and realizing what happened it that relationship, I realized that she wasn't the one for me. Her life has now headed in such a different direction I can't begin to tell you how much of a blessing it was that we didn't stay together. It's hard to see in this moment but this experience will help you earn your stripes so that you're ready for the person you're truly supposed to be with. Well said.
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