Xewkija Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Well I decided to email her and let her know EVERYTHING. I would post up my email here but I wrote it in microsoft word and it ended up being 4 pages long at 12 font and not double space.. so it's very long. However I will post what she had to say and I would really love to hear some advice on it (My name), You said a lot and I feel bad not responding as lengthy of a letter as I’d like; however, lately I really hate talking or thinking about the way I feel because for one, well, I honestly don’t know and two, I’m tired and just can’t think at all. I don’t know how or why my feelings changed and how it came about for me to randomly decide that I needed a break for you. I just know that I wasn’t feeling happy. I was feeling stressed and felt like you and I were arguing all the time and you couldn’t support me the way I wanted you too. I started to feel like my entire life was passing me by and that I wasn’t going to get to do anything I truly wanted to do because you’d have a problem with it. I felt like you weren’t taking the same steps that I was taking when it came to our relationship or our lives. I like school and enjoy learning, actually love it. I enjoy working I once could say I loved it, now not so much they **** on me there. I couldn’t figure out which would be the right or even the wrong decision. To be with you or not to be with you. I was deathly afraid of the thought of me breaking it off with you and then you finding someone new and me realizing what a big mistake I made, or staying together going on with our unresolved issues and me regretting it when I’m older. I still don’t know what the right decision is, and I don’t think I’ll ever know because life doesn’t appear so black and white ever. No matter which way someone decides to go there is always going to be a ****load of greys. I guess I figured that I have to grow up and make a choice and decide that we need to go through some pain in order to gain. I don’t think us ignoring our problems although you say you didn’t think we had any would be a beneficial thing for us in the long run. I feel as though sometimes you need to crack a window, air it out. I feel like you dumped everything in center for me, your friends, your life. I know that at the end of the day me and you were never made for that ridiculous lifestyle; however, you also dumped your friends, the good ones like chris and vito, I’ll even say craig although he can be a douchelord. I don’t think that was a smart thing. As much bull**** I went through with my friends at times, I never avoided them just because I was in a relationship. People can be a couple but at the end of the day we aren’t married and we don’t have a family together, therefore we need to have other aspects of our lives that don’t involve eachother, like work, and sometimes play like friends. It’s not so much about the space that gets me when we were together. I loved being with you and I never wanted you to leave in the morning or early afternoons and I would dread the thought of you doing so, it’s the just the idea that when we were away from each other we didn’t get along. I remember the last break I called you on and you seemed so annoyed with me and just wanted to watch NCIS. It was like you were punishing me for being at work and the only half hour I could talk to you with you chose to watch a ****ing tv show. I don’t say ****ing as in im mad, I just get so confused and baffled by the way you used to act. You say all these great things to me now but it’s always too late. You never can say it when I actually need to hear it. You always wait for me to gather my thoughts and emotions up myself and keep my back bone strong on my own, you can never say me the trouble and make me feel better when it’s needed. I mean its better late then never, right? But don’t you see what I mean…we need to have communication with one another, and I can’t have me yelling, getting at you, while you sit there with no soul in your eyes and don’t have a clue as to what to say or what I’m even saying. You didn’t wanna bring it up but I think I will because it’s a big part of a relationship as you would say. The sexual part. I didn’t like the way you treated me when you didn’t get what you want. Thinking about it makes me want to cry and punch something all at the same time because of how UNFAIR you were to me. That is one factor that will take me a lot of time to forgive you for. I understand that we were together for a very long time and you weren’t using me but you have to understand that when I’m not getting the emotional or mental connection I need with you there is no way in hell a woman wants to provide for the physical, unless of course she isn’t in a relationship and is only having fun. Even then women fall for men when physicality’s get involved, it’s how women operate, therefore you should know how that made me feel. Our sex life died when our emotional did. I’m sorry I gave you no fair warning but I can’t believe you really didn’t think we had any problems that needed fixing. I don’t think I owe you an apology for me asking for a break. Love is also respect and that’s what I need with this decision. I appreciate you giving me the space I have asked for but at the same time I love you and can’t stop worrying about you every 2 seconds of my life that I’m not working and running around. I don’t want you to move on and I certainly would die inside if I ever found out you were with someone else but like I said yesterday on the phone that is something I have to own up too if it happens. I don’t want to lose you and I understand that you cant have your hopes up because if you set your expectations to high and they don’t happen the way you want them too then the results can be devastating, at least that’s what I went through when you went with casey a few summers back. I’m not moving on and I don’t want you to think that if I continue this break that eventually my mind will change and I’ll decide to be with someone else. I still have a lot to think about and right now my mind is still in race mode. My head will let me think about it when I’m ready too but I’m not ready to think about it yet, because everytime I do I get frustrated and want to forget about it all. It’s not fair to you I know that but it wouldn’t be fair to me to force or pressure myself to make a decision because it could be the wrong one, and I know which one I would like but I can’t force myself to want it one way. In order to be true to myself and be true to you I need time to think and in time to think I also need a chance to start thinking. It probably sounds crazy but I’m going to let my mind think about everything when it’s ready and I can unconsciously do that I know it. When it feels right, it will feel right. And same goes for this break. I will feel when it’s time to be back together but I can’t predict or determine that right now. I’m gonna go because I’m really tired and can’t think anymore. I love you very much and I don’t want to lose you in my life. I just need to know that you love me enough to let me breathe a little. As much as you don’t want this and want to be with me, you need this too whether you realize it or not. You know I read somewhere that couple who got together as high school sweet hearts and take a break and get back together are the couples that stay together forever and have the most amazing relationships. I thought that was nice to know and gave me some positivity about all of this. I love you so much and I just need to do this to save us and to make us strong and make it set in stone that I want to be with you but if I don’t give myself a chance to grow a little I’m afraid I wont be able to be happy with you if I don’t give this time for myself. I need to live for myself a little bit as hard as this, and so do you. We need to be individuals before we can be one again. I wanted to see you on your birthday but I still don’t know what kinda idea that is, if it’s a bad one or a good one. You tell me and I’ll do it. You call the shots for your bday. I love you (my name) Now what I would like to ask is how come she didn't answer all my questions I had to ask? I don't really mind but I asked her this What are you doing with the ring? You also game me a pair of your socks and I don’t think you gave me everything back but that’s okay I don’t mind just don’t want some new person seeing your ex boyfriends clothes lol. I just didn’t know if you didn’t want to give me everything back for a reason or you just forgot. I do have something’s of yours which I don’t know what to do with I can keep them were they are I don’t mind but it’s just another memory. How come she didn't answer this? Did it upset her or something? ANY advice would be GREAT! After sending her my email and she emailed me back their was some closure but... I still miss and want her. I didn't respond and I don't plan on to I think NC for now. Thank You LS
oldSOULe Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 She seems like she has her head screwed on straight, and is taking a break for all the right reasons. Theres a lot of hope to be taken from this email, if i recieved a similar one i think it would probably make my week. She probably didnt answer that question because in the scheme things its not that important. Give her the time and space she needs, it sounds like she really wants things to work out for you guys, id kill for that right now dude.
timchambo Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 sounds fairly positive to me. I'm no expert, but compare to what I got. 2days after split: "Your the only one for me. I love you and we will be together again. I don't want to lose you. The thought of you with another girl kills me." 7days after split: "Yes I was talking to xxxx, but I was also flirting with other guys too. I'm not in love with you anymore. Go screw a couple ho-bags. Time heals all." For reference we were also high school sweet hearts. 7 year relationship. These were not exact quotes, but summaries of the limit conversations we had since the split. In my case my ex-bitch found a new guy. Yours has not yet. It could only be a matter of time unfortunately, but at least she sounds like she has some morals that may get you guys through this.
Author Xewkija Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 (edited) She seems like she has her head screwed on straight, and is taking a break for all the right reasons. Theres a lot of hope to be taken from this email, if i recieved a similar one i think it would probably make my week. She probably didnt answer that question because in the scheme things its not that important. Give her the time and space she needs, it sounds like she really wants things to work out for you guys, id kill for that right now dude. Yeah she definitely wants the break I did feel better after receiving this email but things can change a lot in a day. sounds fairly positive to me. I'm no expert, but compare to what I got. 2days after split: "Your the only one for me. I love you and we will be together again. I don't want to lose you. The thought of you with another girl kills me." 7days after split: "Yes I was talking to xxxx, but I was also flirting with other guys too. I'm not in love with you anymore. Go screw a couple ho-bags. Time heals all." For reference we were also high school sweet hearts. 7 year relationship. These were not exact quotes, but summaries of the limit conversations we had since the split. In my case my ex-bitch found a new guy. Yours has not yet. It could only be a matter of time unfortunately, but at least she sounds like she has some morals that may get you guys through this. How long have you both been apart now? and that's what I'm so afraid of is her saying all this and then one day someone better comes into her life. She knows what she wants but her mind set could change at any given time and its very upsetting of the things that could happen. Thank You both and any other advice is more than welcomed I'd post what I sent her... but no one on here would read it. it's toooo long. Also, should I keep it no contact or limited contact or what? should I email her back saying anything? I told her in my original email that it may be best if we didn't talk and for you to have your space. I hope she understands. Edited February 3, 2011 by Xewkija
timchambo Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 We seperated just over a month ago. There was limited contect for the first couple weeks. She had this guy lined up before the split. I think what spurred her vicious reaction was that I found out what was really going on. She was embarrassed and can't clean up the mess. She needs to look confident in her decision. Someone new may come along. Whose to say they are better. I'd like to think that the relationship we build over that length of time is worth more than the excitement of a new relationship. In my case I took care of her. Gave her as much freedom as needed. Supported her emotionally through tough times. Once the new honeymoon is over she may sing a different tune. Just make sure your #1 focus is yourself. In the end we are brought into this world alone and we leave it alone. I suspect you guys will get through this. She seems emotionally mature enough to see what you had for what it was.
Author Xewkija Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 So do you think I should do NC and see where my life takes me? What if she calls? do I pick up or no? Thank You
depplover_1980 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Hmmm from my honest perception that is one girl who does not know what she wants, but is desperate to have you waiting in the wings to make her feel important while she decides. I would not have any hope for the near future regarding her and you cannot put your life on hold. No really you can't. Personally I would give a simple reply like 'Thanks for the response and being so honest. I too look forward to learning more about myself. I would prefer to enjoy my birthday without you there considering your need for space. Take care' Then NC and move on.
Author Xewkija Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Hmmm from my honest perception that is one girl who does not know what she wants, but is desperate to have you waiting in the wings to make her feel important while she decides. I would not have any hope for the near future regarding her and you cannot put your life on hold. No really you can't. Personally I would give a simple reply like 'Thanks for the response and being so honest. I too look forward to learning more about myself. I would prefer to enjoy my birthday without you there considering your need for space. Take care' Then NC and move on. Thank you too for your honesty, I do hope one day we will be back together maybe after college and after some time as being our selves. I took your advice and pretty much said what you said. My mom actually said something nice well I thought it was nice and she said "It's better to have it happen now and maybe in the future you both will want to be together after time rather this happening when you were both older and married" What about facebook... I have not deleted her but I don't mind it to much... the time I may mind it is when I see her status to in a relationship.
depplover_1980 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Get rid of her off Facebook too, it will crush you if she does get into a relationship and every male friend she adds you'll wonder who it is, esp if he is hot. Learn the willpower, it is a tremendous thing and the strength you gather from it makes you solid. Your self esteem will go through the roof if you keep being strong and defying those natural urges, the wants to contact or spy - by ignoring the urges you don't feed them and in time they become weaker. I was an alcoholic until 7 months ago and what I have learnt about willpower can be applied to anything, proving that anyone can do anything if they hold strong.
Author Xewkija Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Thank you for the advice I think I will remove her after the weekend for some certin reasons but for now it set so I can't see her statuses... For some reason I'm not bothered by the breakup the thing that bothers me is knowing that she's out drinking prob doing stuff with other guys because she's drunk I jut can't stop thinking about that. All I'm doing is watching tv nothing else to do. Also should I expect her write me back after I told her Id prefer not to be with her on my birthday and to take care? Thanks
depplover_1980 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Thank you for the advice I think I will remove her after the weekend for some certin reasons but for now it set so I can't see her statuses... For some reason I'm not bothered by the breakup the thing that bothers me is knowing that she's out drinking prob doing stuff with other guys because she's drunk I jut can't stop thinking about that. All I'm doing is watching tv nothing else to do. Also should I expect her write me back after I told her Id prefer not to be with her on my birthday and to take care? Thanks No she won't write back as she has said all she can for now. Sorry you feel so dreadful, me too. I suffer from a sleep disorder anyway, but had NO sleep last night and been to work all day. It's 5.45pm here and I'm going to snooze for abit then see if I feel less gross!
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