Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 This is not normal for our dynamic. You don't understand guys... we have been extremely close for the past month.
dispatch3d Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I do not think it's working for me anymore He is very PA in general and doesn't communicate clearly. With the way he is now treating me, I have no enthusiasm for spending the weekend with him. It is very easy to say he is treating me like x, or he is doing x, or he is not communicating, yadayadayada. It is much harder (but more beneficial) to think things like, why is he reacting to me like x, what am I doing that he is not liking, etc. etc. Do your best to be a positive influence on him, and he'll do the same back to you. Stop focusing on is he acting normal, is he not (this is all in the negative, and the wrong way of looking at things). You want to be thinking of stuff like, what fun can we have this weekend, or I wonder what kind of supper would be a special treat, or what type of television show do with both enjoy watching? Get where I'm going? This relates to the stuff in my previous post as well. There's direct connections between the two of them.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 It is not normal for him SG. He is at home right now. I asked him "What's keeping you so busy? :)" No response... I couldn't help it. You've only known him a month, you really don't know what's normal for him and what's not. For all you know, he has a bad case of diarrhea keeping him more focused on the toilet than his telephone... or anything else. It's a new relationship, you're figuring each other out. Today is just one day of different communication. Try to keep that in perspective...for now. If it's not meant to be, you'll find out. No need to jump to the worst conclusions possible today/tonight.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 It is very easy to say he is treating me like x, or he is doing x, or he is not communicating, yadayadayada. It is much harder (but more beneficial) to think things like, why is he reacting to me like x, what am I doing that he is not liking, etc. etc. Do your best to be a positive influence on him, and he'll do the same back to you. Stop focusing on is he acting normal, is he not (this is all in the negative, and the wrong way of looking at things). You want to be thinking of stuff like, what fun can we have this weekend, or I wonder what kind of supper would be a special treat, or what type of television show do with both enjoy watching? Get where I'm going? Very good advice. There needs to be a lot more introspection here, in general.
pandagirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 whoa whoa WHOA! Let's just take a moment here. I think you're putting too much pressure on every nuance of this relationship. You've only been dating a month. ONE MONTH! You just need to have fun, enjoy your time with him, no pressure on the relationship. You're a new new new couple. If I were you, I'd just forget this whole delayed text thing ever happened, and have a great weekend with him to reset back to a good place.
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I think you're putting too much pressure on every nuance of this relationship. You've only been dating a month. ONE MONTH! You just need to have fun, enjoy your time with him, no pressure on the relationship. You're a new new new couple. Pandagirl made that point before I could. Yes, you've only been dating for one month. Even if you spent 100 hours together or even if you've moved in together -- nothing changes that! You've only been in this relationship for one month! Think about how much your life changed since one month ago, and think about where you want it to be one month from now.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 My advice is for you to try to sort out whether you really want to be in a relationship with this man. If you do, then I think you are going to have to work on your communication with him. For example, if you are close and you two really care about each other, there would be nothing wrong with telling him that since you had such massive contact for a couple of weeks, it really throws you off when he suddenly changes gears so abruptly. I think you are so terrified about being rejected that you might not be able to discern whether or not you really want to be in a real relationship with this individual. Hating rejection is so understandable, but fear of it (or craving for validation as well) are not reasons to be in a relationship.
Confusedalways Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 My advice is for you to try to sort out whether you really want to be in a relationship with this man. If you do, then I think you are going to have to work on your communication with him. For example, if you are close and you two really care about each other, there would be nothing wrong with telling him that since you had such massive contact for a couple of weeks, it really throws you off when he suddenly changes gears so abruptly. I think this is very excellent advice.
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 + 30 minutes now and no response to my new text This is really inconsiderate. I am pissed off
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 My advice is for you to try to sort out whether you really want to be in a relationship with this man. If you do, then I think you are going to have to work on your communication with him. For example, if you are close and you two really care about each other, there would be nothing wrong with telling him that since you had such massive contact for a couple of weeks, it really throws you off when he suddenly changes gears so abruptly. I think you are so terrified about being rejected that you might not be able to discern whether or not you really want to be in a real relationship with this individual. Hating rejection is so understandable, but fear of it (or craving for validation as well) are not reasons to be in a relationship. I really do love you, MC.
Confusedalways Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 One of my biggest pet peeves is when people text me, I respond immediately then they don't respond for a very long time... it is really irritating from ANYONE.
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 One of my biggest pet peeves is when people text me, I respond immediately then they don't respond for a very long time... it is really irritating from ANYONE. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people text me when a phone call would be a much more appropriate form of communication.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 + 30 minutes now and no response to my new text This is really inconsiderate. I am pissed off Hun, it's really not inconsiderate. It's just not. It may be annoying, but it's not dismissing of your feelings (what inconsiderate is). It's just 30 minutes. He responded to your text saying that he's having a busy day. Patience grasshopper! Please try to take a step back and think about the advice you'd give me if I was about to throw a temper tantrum because my brand new BF hadn't responded to a text in 30 minutes, particularly in light of of the fact that he'd just told me he's having a busy day, and...well, how you've acted in the past with this guy. (Not beating that dead horse again, just trying to keep this all in perspective!)
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 One of my biggest pet peeves is when people text me, I respond immediately then they don't respond for a very long time... it is really irritating from ANYONE. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people text me and expect an immediate response. The world does not revolve around the person sending texts...
threebyfate Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Watch for patterns in behaviour instead of what's happening at the moment. For the interim, back off and observe. If he's consistently cool with you for a reasonable length of time like a week, there's a problem. If he's hot, cold, hot, cold, there's a problem.
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 One of my biggest pet peeves is when people text me, I respond immediately then they don't respond for a very long time... it is really irritating from ANYONE. Especially when they have previously been responding immediately for a month. Especially because he could have said "I am busy with X or Y". This is just not cool.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Especially because he could have said "I am busy with X or Y". But, he did. He said his day is going okay but that he's "really busy." Why do you think he should drop what he's doing or always be available to have a textversation with you whenever you want? I don't think you really have that expectation. I think you're looking for excuses to be angry with him. Please don't do this, OG. Don't be that girl.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Also... maybe he's "really busy" getting things ready for your special weekend together?
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Watch for patterns in behaviour instead of what's happening at the moment. This is so, so important. There is no concerning pattern here, OG. Just yesterday he was doin' the naughty-naughty with you over the phone. And I think it was the day before that when he asked you to make special plans for this weekend. I think you're paralyzing yourself with your fear of rejection and hurt. Fear always distorts our perception and confuses us as to what is going on.
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 To put things into perspective: You've been dating for one month. You've gotten extremely close. You've been texting each other frequently. You are freaking out because he's suddenly not responding to your texts as often. And this was spurred by your text conversation today: Him: Good morning You: How is your day going? --6 hours pass by-- Him: "My day is going OK but pretty busy. How is yours going?" You: "What's keeping you so busy? :)" -- 30 minutes pass by -- Still no response. And you're pissed off.
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 He responded just now with: "I am running around doing errands before my shift today. I just had an appointment with my home loan manager. I hate having a mortgage lol" Again, I feel like this is off. I am tempted to text him "Is everything OK with us?" Is this a bad idea? The problem is, when this sort of thing happened in the past and I did text "Is everything OK with us?" guys would proceed with telling me "Actually, I don't know how to say this..." and then they proceeded to dump me. Guys are horrible at just dumping you unless you help them along. They can prolong the facade for weeks/months. At this point my thoughts are: a) He is about to dump me b) He has spent a day with another girl but wants to keep me on the back burner
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 BTW what would a normal, level headed response to his last text be? Or should I not respond?
SmileFace Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 "Is everything OK with us?" Is this a bad idea? Yes................
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 BTW what would a normal, level headed response to his last text be? Or should I not respond? A normal, level headed girlfriend-y response to "I hate having a mortgage lol"? "Me too! :D"
SmileFace Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 A normal, level headed girlfriend-y response to "I hate having a mortgage lol"? "Me too! :D" Or "I would hate having a mortgage,too-lol" Depending on your situation
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