OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 As I said things haven't been going well with the new bf this week. He still texted me every morning and called me every night but he was really disconnected and couldn't wait to get off the phone with me. Last night, he texted me that he is not going to call again until Friday as he is finding it difficult to call from work. He is working second shift but he does have breaks and it was never a problem before WTF. I responded with "that's OK". This morning he texted me "Good morning" as usual but when I responded with "how is your day going?" he never texted back (this has never happened before). It's been over 5 hours now and he is at home so WTF. At this point, I am not feeling enthusiastic about spending the weekend with him even if he does call. His loss of interest is obvious and it's making me lose interest too. I still feel like I need some sort of talk/closure. I do not not think that it's fair for him to just dissapear like this. What would you do? Attempt to call him or text him? It's hard for me just to wait and do nothing. Please, please stay on topic.
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Suggestion: try to find something else to occupy your time while you wait. You just started a new relationship, so let it grow naturally. And if it's growing too slowly, then have a chat about it with him. But until you two do talk -- find something else to do!
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 I am just worried that this is his way of fading out and dumping me, by never talking to me again.
Confusedalways Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Normally I'd say maybe he's busy, etc. I can kind of relate in the sense that when someone texts you all the time at a regular time and is reliable, it IS a little off putting when they don't text, even if the reason is completely unrelated to you. Given your obvious uncomfortableness about this, I personally would probably just call him. It doesn't seem like you're going to be able to rest/ relax with this hanging over your head, so why not? Give him a call and tell him you just wanted to hear his voice and say hi, you were thinking of him, etc. See how he reacts. I don't see what you have to lose. I generally love to hear from my boyfriend for any reason
Confusedalways Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I am just worried that this is his way of fading out and dumping me, by never talking to me again. If he was really truly doing that, I don't think he would have texted you good morning to begin with. Rationally speaking, it doesn't make any sense. Would you [general you] initiate a conversation with someone you wanted to get rid of? No.
ivalm Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 As I said things haven't been going well with the new bf this week. He still texted me every morning and called me every night but he was really disconnected and couldn't wait to get off the phone with me. Last night, he texted me that he is not going to call again until Friday as he is finding it difficult to call from work. He is working second shift but he does have breaks and it was never a problem before WTF. I responded with "that's OK". This morning he texted me "Good morning" as usual but when I responded with "how is your day going?" he never texted back (this has never happened before). It's been over 5 hours now and he is at home so WTF. At this point, I am not feeling enthusiastic about spending the weekend with him even if he does call. His loss of interest is obvious and it's making me lose interest too. I still feel like I need some sort of talk/closure. I do not not think that it's fair for him to just dissapear like this. What would you do? Attempt to call him or text him? It's hard for me just to wait and do nothing. Please, please stay on topic. Maybe you two are having TOO much contact? Try giving it some space -- find something to occupy your time. I know it can be very hard as I, too, get obsessed in relationships but perhaps space can save you. Or, if you think this is incompatible with you, you should call him and talk frankly with him; but there is some chance this will result in a break up.
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I am just worried that this is his way of fading out and dumping me, by never talking to me again. Relationships arise from mutual interest. Let it play out naturally. Do what you feel is right, but realize that if you try to promote communication when he isn't interested, he'll probably close himself off to you even more.
ivalm Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 If he was really truly doing that, I don't think he would have texted you good morning to begin with. Rationally speaking, it doesn't make any sense. Would you [general you] initiate a conversation with someone you wanted to get rid of? No. Two days ago my gf broke with me although she talked to me/initiated contact two days before that and was generally up beat and talking in future tense about things we should do.. so yeah, people can be weird. When someone fades like in OG's experience, it's a bad indicator, even if they still go through the motions like texting good morning. His not replying is a further reason to be concerned. I think OG should either be willing to give him space, or talk FRANKLY to him and be prepared for repercussions.
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 If he was really truly doing that, I don't think he would have texted you good morning to begin with. Rationally speaking, it doesn't make any sense. Would you [general you] initiate a conversation with someone you wanted to get rid of? No. It doesn't make any sense, no - but then again nothing makes sense. He would respond to texts as clockwork ALWAYS. Even at work, during meetings etc. He is just not the type to leave texts unanswered for hours.
NYCGirly Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 OG- don't read too much into it. I think you have too much free time on your hands if you're freaking out that your relationship is over just because he didn't respond to your text message or wants to minimize phone contact. As was mentioned earlier, find some other things to do to preoccupy your mind so you're not overthinking things. Things might be going on in his life that have nothing to do with you which might be the cause of his not contacting you as much. Only thing anyone can tell you is just talk to him to make sure everything is OK- he is your bf after all.
Confusedalways Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Two days ago my gf broke with me although she talked to me/initiated contact two days before that and was generally up beat and talking in future tense about things we should do.. so yeah, people can be weird. When someone fades like in OG's experience, it's a bad indicator, even if they still go through the motions like texting good morning. His not replying is a further reason to be concerned. I think OG should either be willing to give him space, or talk FRANKLY to him and be prepared for repercussions. I'm sorry but I don't think it's typical for people to intiate communication if they're mad/upset/ about to break up with someone. I don't see how him not replying is automatically a bad thing. There could be a lot of reasons he didn't answer. IIRC, they have already made up from the fight, no? If he's still mad and accepted OG's apology then he is the one with the communication problem. I do agree with you that a frank discussion is needed IF he continues to ignore her today.
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Two days ago my gf broke with me although she talked to me/initiated contact two days before that and was generally up beat and talking in future tense about things we should do.. so yeah, people can be weird. When someone fades like in OG's experience, it's a bad indicator, even if they still go through the motions like texting good morning. His not replying is a further reason to be concerned. I think OG should either be willing to give him space, or talk FRANKLY to him and be prepared for repercussions. Something is definitely not right. Yeah, I feel like he was just going through the motions with texting "good morning". At this point, even break up would be a relief to not knowing. I just him to at least respect me enough to tell me that it's not working
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 List of things I do when I'm single (and even when I'm not): - have dinner with friends - sports: tennis, rock climbing, running - go shopping - read books - geek out trying to customize my Android phone - make travel plans - call friends who I don't see because they're far far away - work - try out a new recipe - pick up a new hobby All of these make me a more rounded individual. Pick something YOU like to do and occupy your time with it!
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it sounds like he's the one initiating all of the contact. Can I ask why you're not initiating contact? Taking turns to establish that interest is mutual?
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 He texted me back just now: "My day is going OK but pretty busy. How is yours going?" No apology for 5 hour lag.... I am going to text him "What have you been up to?" I know that he isn't busy with work as he works the second shift today.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Something is definitely not right. Yeah, I feel like he was just going through the motions with texting "good morning". At this point, even break up would be a relief to not knowing. I just him to at least respect me enough to tell me that it's not working Is it working for you, OG? Regardless of how he feels, I think you need to answer that for yourself first.
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it sounds like he's the one initiating all of the contact. Can I ask why you're not initiating contact? Taking turns to establish that interest is mutual? I initiate sometimes. Yest. afternoon I initiated a sexting session. He seemed responsive and pretty into it. So his behavior today is just weird.
TryingToMoveOn Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 At this point, even break up would be a relief to not knowing. I just him to at least respect me enough to tell me that it's not working I've been there before -- feeling unhappy because I wanted communication and/or closure -- but life's too short to worry about someone you've been seeing for just one month.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I initiate sometimes. Yest. afternoon I initiated a sexting session. He seemed responsive and pretty into it. So his behavior today is just weird. You mean the 5 hour lag during his busy day is weird? If he responded favorably to yesterday's sexting, try focusing on that, rather than your impatience today. Trust in his feelings for you, OG. They seem very real.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 OG, are you sure you're not trying to find problems with your bf so you can break up with him? Your own self- sabotage is so obvious especially since it hasn't even been a month into the relationship. Have you ever wondered that perhaps he's away from his phone or his phone is out of batteries? I certainly do not reply to every text from my girlfriend and I'm usually away from my phone alot. As long as there is a little communication, I'm content. Maybe that's what you need, to figure out how much is enough ( in terms of attention from bf) and how contented you are at the end of the day. Obviously no one can be there for you 24/7, so what are you doing to move positively in the right direction without " freaking out" every day or so?
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Is it working for you, OG? Regardless of how he feels, I think you need to answer that for yourself first. I do not think it's working for me anymore He is very PA in general and doesn't communicate clearly. With the way he is now treating me, I have no enthusiasm for spending the weekend with him.
dispatch3d Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 He texted me back just now: "My day is going OK but pretty busy. How is yours going?" No apology for 5 hour lag.... I am going to text him "What have you been up to?" I know that he isn't busy with work as he works the second shift today. Yeah, I agree with the other guy. You need to get something to focus on besides the guy you are dating. Just take it for granted that you have a boyfriend, and ASSUME he's attracted to you unless given other feedback. Right now you are ASSUMING he IS NOT attracted unless given feedback to prove he is. You can understand how this would be a natural problem? The guy can't continually prove he's into you - it would be kinda exhausting, ya know? It sounds like you are demanding a lot of apologizes (or expecting them) as well. Again, this sort of thing is likely the result of having a lot of personal rules. Like you expect him to do x. The rules are what's killing you. Think of ways you can chill out on stuff, and just realize you are being slightly overbearing. Coolio?
Author OceanGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 It is not normal for him SG. He is at home right now. I asked him "What's keeping you so busy? :)" No response... I couldn't help it.
ivalm Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I do not think it's working for me anymore He is very PA in general and doesn't communicate clearly. With the way he is now treating me, I have no enthusiasm for spending the weekend with him. Well, don't break up quite yet! He did reply, this is really good news, no? Be ultra positive with him. May be he is having some doubts, but then you should work to alleviate them! What happened does sound strange, but by being open and positive I think you can make things better.
Star Gazer Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I do not think it's working for me anymore He is very PA in general and doesn't communicate clearly. With the way he is now treating me, I have no enthusiasm for spending the weekend with him. I do not think one day of waiting 5 hours to respond to a text message during a busy day is poor treatment, OG. You have no reason not to believe that he was legitimately busy during the past 5 hours. Also, communication patterns evolve in a new relationship as comfort and familiarity grows, especially given that you work opposite hours of one another. I'm in agreement with Paper. I think you're actively seeking reasons for this relationship to fail - more self-sabotage. Please don't do this. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and enjoy the lovely weekend he has planned for you.
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