chelle21689 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Why did his feelings change? Is it possible for the dumper to ever fall back in love? My story: We've been together for 5 1/2 years since we were 16 but 2 1/2 years long distance. We have a very good relationship, communication, and we got through just about anything that came our way no matter how difficult, we held on to each other to work those problems. I never ever thought we'd break up... A week ago, he was crying really hard. I got scared because the only time he cries is when something is seriously wrong with us. He told me his feelings have changed and that it's been this way for over a month. He told me that he tried everything he could to get it back but he can't control his feelings. He felt guilty being with me when he kissed and hugged me during my visit...that it didn't feel the same. He told me he felt he was growing apart from me even though we Skyped every night (video games, movies, share screen, sexy time, etc). I asked "WHY?" He said he honestly doesn't know...it's not anyone else, he doesn't think it's the distance (he said he could handle distance), was it the deployment coming up in a few months (he said no)...but MAYBE the Army changed his priorities...he said he's unsure WHY this happened. I was suppose to move next fall after he came back from Afghanistan! We were almost there!! He told me he did not want me to disappear from his life and so he kept in contact the first week and we still had the same great conversations but I had to go "No Contact" to heal however long it took and he was upset. Before going no contact we poured out how we felt after the break up... He told me he didn't want to make this decision and that he feels like this isn't supposed to happen. He lost weight (me too 5lbs in 3 days), couldn't sleep, thought of me, missed me, and was sad..but said he tries not to because it's his fault. He said he is sorry that he failed us and that he could "keep up doing sh*tty runs but couldn't keep up with the one stable thing in his life (me)" I know we could talk again one day...we've always been the type to try to keep people in our lives... *sigh*
newrule Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 You seem like a great person. You don't seem to blame him at all! I admire people like you . Well, he seems fickle. Maybe something life-changing happened recently that you don't know about. Maybe he has commitment issues that he is just now realizing. Nobody knows but him, so there's no point in dwelling over why he does it. The important thing is how to handle the situation now. NC is almost always the best thing to do, so maintain that. It's not just for you, it's also for him. Give yourself and him some space to clear up confusions and know what you really want. Make him understand how important the NC is for you. I also would like to say your post has inspired me today. I had a fight with my boyfriend and I was harbouring ill-feeling the whole morning. He didn't even do anything THAT bad. Thank you .
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