zengirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 From the posts, it appears that female LSers believe relationships from friendships are a good start to a romance. Male LSers, however, think otherwise. Interesting. I think it depends on what you mean. I'd never date my good friends, and they could never be my friends if I'd date them. That's not a real friendship. I certainly don't want them hanging around for 10 years, thinking someday they'll date me! However, if it's just someone in your social circle for awhile, that can be good. Then you have the foundation of trust and a few mutual experiences ("Hey, you remember Cathy's birthday party last year?") to build on. But, still, I don't advise waiting 10 years!
Author mr.jekyll Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 I think it depends on what you mean. I'd never date my good friends, and they could never be my friends if I'd date them. That's not a real friendship. I certainly don't want them hanging around for 10 years, thinking someday they'll date me! However, if it's just someone in your social circle for awhile, that can be good. Then you have the foundation of trust and a few mutual experiences ("Hey, you remember Cathy's birthday party last year?") to build on. But, still, I don't advise waiting 10 years! I don't know their details but I doubt either one was hanging around waiting for the other. What would your cutoff length of time be for a "friendship" or "foundation" before dating them?
zengirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I don't know their details but I doubt either one was hanging around waiting for the other. What would your cutoff length of time be for a "friendship" or "foundation" before dating them? The men who are my friends, I'd never date. Not because they're my friends, but because if they were guys I'd want to date, they couldn't be my friends (close friends, I mean). A guy in my social circle? There's no cut-off one way or the other. I'd probably have to be more sure it was LTR material before proceeding----one or two dates with someone in your circle is more trouble than it's work, in terms of disrupting group harmony, possibly----but it's not about some arbitrary cut-off. I date whomever catches my eye and seems interesting, when I'm free and interested.
Author mr.jekyll Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 one or two dates with someone in your circle is more trouble than it's work, in terms of disrupting group harmony, possibly That's part of the reason why I think a friendship to a relationship could work better than some other routes. Because dating someone in a circle is MORE TROUBLE THAN WORK, so if two people decide that they want to risk that, it must mean they really believe in it and will work toward a successful relationship, no?
zengirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 That's part of the reason why I think a friendship to a relationship could work better than some other routes. Because dating someone in a circle is MORE TROUBLE THAN WORK, so if two people decide that they want to risk that, it must mean they really believe in it and will work toward a successful relationship, no? I meant to write "More trouble than it's worth." Typo. Sorry. I don't know that when two people decide to risk it, they're always saying they're serious about it. Many people just don't think of the ramifications of their actions. I see that a lot. They want to feel good now, rather than think about the big picture. Depends on the people, of course.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I could *possibly* envision two people, both in relationships, being 'friends' for years and, if both single at the same time, perhaps acting on an attraction which was always there but suppressed. This is how it was for me. We were in other relationships when we met, and once we found ourselves single at the same time, after we'd had some time to get over the previous relationships, we got together.
Eeyore79 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I was friends with my bf for about 7-8 months before we got together. It's hands down the best relationship I've ever had However I must admit that I thought he was attractive when I first met him, and I crushed on him a little for the whole friendship, so he was never really in my friend zone. I never saw him as "just a friend", there was always that spark of attraction there - but when we met we were both a little entangled with other people, and when those entanglements were brushed aside we got together. So maybe what makes a friendship turn into a relationship is if there was a little spark of attraction all along but the circumstances just weren't right before. If there was never any spark then the friendship will stay as a friendship.
Recommended Posts