Nixx Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Just signed up....after constantly typing in questions and searching for advice about ldrs. this site always popped up and a lot of what I read really helps. But now I just really need someone to talk about this stuff with. Its incredibly difficult being in a LDR...I wouldnt wish it upon anyone. So why should I give this one up? I've been talking to this guy non stop for over a year. We met online first. Talked everyday for hours. Then I came out to visit him and we just got along really well. Then he came out to visit me...same thing. But in the midst of all of that I got the opportunity to spend about 8 months out of the States...and I went for it. So currently we are thousands thousands thousands of miles away from eachother. And I'm having a very difficult time enjoying my life out here. Not only is it difficult being away from him but not having anyone I am truly close to to talk about this stuff with is really getting to me. And I feel as if I am constantly bombarding him with my whinning about how much I miss him and how much this sucks being apart. I feel like he might just give up on me because I seem like such a miserable person. I tell him how I feel all the time....maybe I should stop? Also, our conversations have just become so lifeless compared to how they used to be. Almost as if we're both waiting till we're closer to eachother to pick back up where we started. Thats another thing....we've both agreed that we're not in a relationship. Its just too new to really consider it a serious one. We're close friends but when I come back we both want to see where it goes. I'm sure I'm not explaining this right. I'm in a depressing mood and am probably sounding like a incoherent idiot. Maybe someone can scrape up some sort of sense out of this rambling. I just needed to get it out. Instead of crying to my so called "non relationship but really like eachother best friend". ugh. this sucks.
folieadeux Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 You first have to figure out where you guys are in your relationship. If those things are never brought up, it may be overwhelming for him to hear about these issues over and over again, if it isn't already. I have no clue what the dynamic is between the two of you right now but, as is, it sounds like you're just friends. If you want to be more, have a chat with him about it when you get back. Conversations like this are best left to have in person whenever possible. The good thing about your situation is that your distance is temporary. Until then just relax and enjoy yourself with your new surroundings and opportunity to meet new friends. So many would love to be in your situation right now. Don't cloud it up with negativity.
Author Nixx Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 well even when I do come back, we will still be far apart. He's a few states away from where I call home. But I know the communication will be heaps better. I do wish to know where the relationship stands. Actually, I do know. We're just close friends. And this just kills me because we cant really move forward at this point. I really want this to work out. Also, another thing. I know being out here has just elevated my feelings for him and I know I may be taking things way too fast. How do I stop that? I feel as if when I come back I'm going to expect things to be so amazing and slow motion run into eachother's arms like we're finally being reunited after years and years of separation...but its obviously not that. Our relationship hasnt even really started. So its even possible that I might be disappointed? I just wish he was here with me so I can find out and get this thing moving. I really have ruined my time out here by focusing too much on the things that suck about being so far away. But as for now its incredibly difficult because I'm saving up for the last few months of exploring the rest of this amazing country. He's been awesome. I dont know why he still talks to me every day even if its just a simple hello. The fact that after all my whining and complaining....he still hasnt dropped conversation...even though its very limited (given the circumstances...i know). This brain of mine has wayyyy too much down time to dwell on this stuff and create twists and drama when there isnt any. ahhhhhhh. Can I please get a new one?!
folieadeux Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 The possibility of rejection always exists, but it's worth the risk because at least you'll know where you stand. It sounds like your time apart has ignited your feelings for him, which happens, but it's not fair to place that burden on him at this point because you're just friends and most likely he has no idea what's going on. I wouldn't let being a few states away when you return stop you either. It didn't seem to be a problem before you left to arrange visits. Bottom line, enjoy your time away, and just let things fall into place. If it's meant to be, it'll just happen and isn't something that can be forced.
Author Nixx Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Thanks. You're completely right. It just really sucks that there really isnt much we can do about "us" while I'm here. And I just want to know sooooo badly if he really wants to be with me and start a relationship or not. And the thing is, whenever we have that conversation he says he wants to see where things go with me and that he doesnt want to see anyone else. Why cant I just continue to believe that? I just emailed him asking if we could talk soon. And I mean really talk. Before I moved he would talk so much more to me. We were getting to know eachother more. And i liked that. But now its like its all on pause. Why? I need to feel like I'm talking to someone with a brain and emotions. Its making me look like I'm the craziest emotional one. But yes....I need to relax. Enjoy my time. And know that when I come back him and I can start where we left off. btw....thank you for responding. everything i say may sound completely repetitive but I need to talk it out more often. Or else my brain will play HILARIOUS( )tricks on me.
sammyd Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Hey Nixx, I know how you feel:) U need to really try and enjoy your time away whilst u can. It'll be hard, but the guy sounds like he will still be there when u get back. You're still in contact as well, so it looks good. Worry about the relationship when u get back. Try to stop yourself from thinking about it too much (us women tend to over think - so i've been told! Haha!). Anyway, enjoy your trip:)
Author Nixx Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Its a good feeling to know that there are others that go through the same thing. Changing perspective starting now. I'm seriously sick of crying and whining all day long. What a way to ruin an awesome opportunity. At least I still have time to squeeze out as much as possible out of this country. Also excited to take on a new perspective. I deserve to be happy. ...channeling 90's phrase "Girl Power!"....
sammyd Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Haha! You go girl! Have a great time:) (ps, it will also give you something great to talk about with your guy:)
Author Nixx Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 ugh. I just need to write this out. Also, I can't believe I actually wrote the words girl power...even in a joking way. how embarrassing! Anyway. I am heartbroken and don't know how to handle it. A few months ago our conversations started getting more serious. We did talk about being in a relationship and we kept asking eachother if we were sure about it. Then he asks if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I hesitated. I said I didn't want to make any decisions till I was back home. I wish I had just said yes but something was holding me back. Anyway...after that it was a bunch of "I really like you!" and "hi super awesome best friend!" conversations. So we were both not on the same page. Are we just friends or what? So then right before I go back home reality hits and things get a little scary. He doesn't see us working out. There is a lot going against us. I tell him that I want to see where this goes and it's up to him. I go out to visit him and it's really difficult. He treated me like a friend. But we cuddled here and there and slept in the same bed. I wanted to kiss him so badly. But I knew I would just get rejected. He doesn't want to lose me as his friend...and told me that if we were to be in a relationship he would ruin it because he's not ready and has a lot he needs to fix in his life at the moment. So I get it. We're just going to be friends. Still hurts but I think I'll live. Then my uncontrollable wandering eyes catch a text on his cell while he was texting. I see a girl's name. Then it starts making more sense. So I'm pretty sure he's interested in someone else. Which is fine. But I'm completely gutted. He still texts me surface crap just to keep a connection, I guess. But this is killing me. I want to hear from him like I used to. I know I can't but this sucks. I do want to still be his close friend, but how do I do that? Honestly, right now I just want him to tell me that he is with someone new and just never talk to me again. OR tell me that he wants to be with me. UGH! Both are terrible. I have my better days and then something triggers my awful thoughts. :/ I'll close this venting session now. It probably doesn't even make sense.
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