january2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 My experience pretty much echoes Stung's except that I don't have a wedding ring or kids. I'm also very wary of random public encounters but have had one fling that grew out of such an encounter - though that was when I was much younger. I also get the 'staring but no approach' that other posters have mentioned.
Eeyore79 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Or that they're just flat out obnoxious, which in my experience is the case. To be fair, most good looking guys are the same. I think that's true. I once had a conversation with a guy and he said in amazement "Wow, you're not like most pretty girls!", as if it was a shock to find that I was friendly and not totally dumb! I've been informed by guy friends that I'm a "solid 8", so I think I'm probably on the wrong side of the "approachable" line, and slightly into "she's out of my league" or "she must be dumb/nasty/taken" territory. I have to admit, however, that I don't judge a man on his looks; if he's handsome I don't immediately assume he's a douchebag. I'd be interested to know if any other women judge men on their looks, or if it's mostly men who judge women on that basis.
Mad Max Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I think that's true. I once had a conversation with a guy and he said in amazement "Wow, you're not like most pretty girls!", as if it was a shock to find that I was friendly and not totally dumb! I've been informed by guy friends that I'm a "solid 8", so I think I'm probably on the wrong side of the "approachable" line, and slightly into "she's out of my league" or "she must be dumb/nasty/taken" territory. I get the same thing. Most people think I'm stuck up, but they get to know me and it goes from that to "You're a pretty cool guy". I have to admit, however, that I don't judge a man on his looks; if he's handsome I don't immediately assume he's a douchebag. I'd be interested to know if any other women judge men on their looks, or if it's mostly men who judge women on that basis. This is where we differ. I assume the hot girl is a b*tch because most have been in my experience. If I happen to be wrong, I'll certainly admit it. But I don't expect anything.
zengirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I totally judge people on their looks, but mostly on the parts they choose. The obviously fake bake or tanning-bed-tan guys (bordering on orange), guys with tips, guys with jewelry that doesn't suit me, guys with an obvious gym habit (every day, no fail). . . these would be controllable symptoms that we're not compatible. Guys who are just blessed with good looks? Who knows? They could be fantastic, or they could be crap. I've been told I'm very pretty plenty of times before, but also that I'm not intimidating if I'm not wearing make-up. I guess that's along the same lines. A lot of eyeliner and suddenly men think I'm a bitch. Which is fine. I only wear the stuff on certain occasions.
pandagirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I don't know. I've seen average looking girls(and overweight ones as well) get approached and asked out. I'm guessing either one of those two apply to you or you don't put yourself out there. OK, if you mean approach by crazy men who like to call me inappropriate things on the street, then yes, men approach me. If you mean, nice, normal men, no.
january2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I'd be interested to know if any other women judge men on their looks, or if it's mostly men who judge women on that basis. Yes, initially, in terms of the whole look rather than just the face and/or body unless they have some striking feature that demands immediate attention. After that, how they carry themselves, personality, intelligence, etc. come into play and can add a substantial modifier to the original 'assessment' in some cases.
Mad Max Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 If you mean, nice, normal men, no. And you can change that by approaching men you're into. You'll avoid the creeps that way.
sweetjasmine Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 And you can change that by approaching men you're into. You'll avoid the creeps that way. It's practically impossible to avoid creeps if you're out in public on a regular basis alone. The only thing that deters them is the presence of a male. Trust me on that.
daphne Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 It ebbs and flows. Sometimes, I do get an extraordinary amount of attention doing activities that dont' involve alcohol. I must have some sort of pheremone going on that I'm unaware of. Or I'm friendlier than normal. Otherwise, women get hit on more often in bars and at parties.
Mad Max Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 It's practically impossible to avoid creeps if you're out in public on a regular basis alone. The only thing that deters them is the presence of a male. Trust me on that. If you pursue and initiate, then you can date a guy that isn't creepy. That's what I'm getting at. You have no right to complain about creepy guys approaching you if you're not putting in any effort to find non-creepy guys.
sweetjasmine Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 If you pursue and initiate, then you can date a guy that isn't creepy. That's what I'm getting at. You have no right to complain about creepy guys approaching you if you're not putting in any effort to find non-creepy guys. ...huh? I'm already in a relationship. That doesn't stop creeps from following me around and scaring the crap out of me. That doesn't stop drunk old men from slurring a pass at me while I'm waiting for the train. Am I not allowed to complain about it because I should be approaching non-creepy men even though I'm in a relationship with a non-creepy man? That was my point. If you're female and out in public alone, it's pretty much impossible to avoid creepy men approaching you.
Mad Max Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 ...huh? I'm already in a relationship. That doesn't stop creeps from following me around and scaring the crap out of me. That doesn't stop drunk old men from slurring a pass at me while I'm waiting for the train. Am I not allowed to complain about it because I should be approaching non-creepy men even though I'm in a relationship with a non-creepy man? That was my point. If you're female and out in public alone, it's pretty much impossible to avoid creepy men approaching you. You never mentioned you were in a relationship and still, I was referring to those that complain about creepy guys approaching them but not putting in effort to find non-creepy guys. You want to avoid creepy men? I'm all for mace.
jenifer1972 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Exactly what the other women said. It doesn't matter if a bunch of ugly dogs are clamouring to take you out, if they don't meet your standards, you will still be alone on Saturday nite. So, therefore it doesn't matter if we CAN get sex any night of the week, we don't WANT it with most of the choices out there...The point is moot. The field may be huge, but the viable options are still limited,.. at least by my standards.
pandagirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 If you pursue and initiate, then you can date a guy that isn't creepy. That's what I'm getting at. You have no right to complain about creepy guys approaching you if you're not putting in any effort to find non-creepy guys. I'm sorry, but how many times have you walked down the street just trying to get somewhere, and crude comments were yelled at you, or some guy comes up to you and whispers something disgusting in your ear? You have no idea what it's like to be harassed like that. And who said I'm not putting in any effort to find non-creepy guys? You make it sound like I can just snap my finger and a get a date with someone.
Feelin Frisky Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Come on girls. You know you could go to the supermarket and come home with a guy if you really wanted. We're not talking how good-looking you are or how good-looking the guy is. If you flick your tongue out at old Mr. Kleinsausser at the market, he'll follow you where ever you lead thinking whoa baby. If Mr. Kleinsausser flicks his tongue out he gets hand-cuffs. Word.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Exactly what the other women said. It doesn't matter if a bunch of ugly dogs are clamouring to take you out, if they don't meet your standards, you will still be alone on Saturday nite. So, therefore it doesn't matter if we CAN get sex any night of the week, we don't WANT it with most of the choices out there...The point is moot. The field may be huge, but the viable options are still limited,.. at least by my standards. This post right here, I'll raise my glass to. Thank you! Just because one has multiple options available to them (not by choice!) doesn't mean that those options are being explored. Most of the time, those options aren't up to par, so they aren't even wanted. I'm still waiting for a woman worth my time. Anybody with a decent body and face can pick up numerous sleezbags easy. That's not what should be focused on though, but rather that attractive person's self control, self respect, knowledge of self and preferences.
pandagirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Come on girls. You know you could go to the supermarket and come home with a guy if you really wanted. We're not talking how good-looking you are or how good-looking the guy is. If you flick your tongue out at old Mr. Kleinsausser at the market, he'll follow you where ever you lead thinking whoa baby. If Mr. Kleinsausser flicks his tongue out he gets hand-cuffs. Word. Not to put a blanket statement over my gender, but 99% of the time, women aren't motivated by our sex drive. I know men are, but we just don't operate like that. Hence, this idea that it's so great to be a woman because we can get sex whenever we want is a fallacy.
BentSpine Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Sometimes I get hit on despite the ring when I'm out by myself, and just last week a dad asked me out while I was at the park pushing my son in the swing. Usually it's men misinterpreting my normal friendliness as something else, and the implication is that it's for an affair, base sex, not really a dating situation.You're making a gross generalisation: I don't think men misinterpret you friendliness, it merely raises the odds that the woman is romantically interested from let say 1/10 to roughly 1/3. In other words, still unlikely that the friendly woman will be romantically interested. Looking at the probablity, having to get rejected nine times by nine women before you get a bite can be daunting. In comparison, having to get rejected twice by two friendly women is considerably less heart breaking when you're feeling up the third friendly woman.
zengirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Come on girls. You know you could go to the supermarket and come home with a guy if you really wanted. We're not talking how good-looking you are or how good-looking the guy is. If you flick your tongue out at old Mr. Kleinsausser at the market, he'll follow you where ever you lead thinking whoa baby. If Mr. Kleinsausser flicks his tongue out he gets hand-cuffs. Word. True enough, but, frankly, most of us don't feel there's any advantage to this because we don't want to flick our tongues out and we don't really care so much about sex with strangers. Women, on average, aren't motivated that way, which is precisely why the statements above are true. It's a little bit of nature's/society's (depending on whether you think this state is biological or socialized) irony for you.
utterer of lies Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 True enough, but, frankly, most of us don't feel there's any advantage to this because we don't want to flick our tongues out and we don't really care so much about sex with strangers. Women, on average, aren't motivated that way, which is precisely why the statements above are true. It's a little bit of nature's/society's (depending on whether you think this state is biological or socialized) irony for you. Women have sex to increase status, while men need status to increase sex.
Eeyore79 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Yes, initially, in terms of the whole look rather than just the face and/or body unless they have some striking feature that demands immediate attention. Hmm. Okay, I probably do judge guys on their looks to some extent - but only on the style they choose, not on the looks they were born with. I don't go around assuming that all guys who won the genetic lottery in terms of good looks are also selfish, rude, unfaithful, etc. Men seem to judge women that way all the time...
Questionis Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 In general, only the cocky over-confident douchebags approach really pretty girls, and they aren't the type that any woman wants to date. After years of only being approached by douchebags, I've found that if I want a decent man I have to choose one and give him the come-on before he will have the nerve to make a move on me. Only problem is you eye up a boy, he will instantly pretend to be single even if he is not. This is the single greatest frustration of my single life. Followed closely by guys who are not demonstrative enough, who eventually lead you feel underloved and neglected which is just like the worst part of being single. But at least when you are actually single, you have lots of time to spend with friends, having fun and spending time and energy on yourself...
susanfollows Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 As a girl in my 20's I was hit on every single day (I often went out to clubs and such) now that I'm 29 if I'm at a club or coffee shop I'm not noticed as much. However should I wear something provocative then I'll get a few hits from guys. I like the attention still and it makes me feel good. I have never made fun of a guy who tried but ALL of my friends at some point openly laughed and joked about a guy who was asking them for a number. I think that sort of thing is cruel but if I don't like a guy I will just say no sorry I have a bf that's the easiest way. I remember one time I was at a club and spilled something on my shirt, a guy walked over and said "can I help you with that?" and he wasn't talking about cleaning it LOL
Ay Diesel T Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 How is a guy an "overly cocky douchebag" because he sees a breath takingly beautiful woman, who instantly turns the situation into a now or never affair, and decides to approach her to see if she would like to get to know each other better? Just because a guy has the huevos to do so doesn't make him a man who's full of himself, and more importantly, it doesn't make him a douchebag. Holy ****. When was there such a fine line between cocky douchebag and confident? Jesus. People are way too judgemental.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 (edited) As a girl in my 20's I was hit on every single day (I often went out to clubs and such) now that I'm 29 if I'm at a club or coffee shop I'm not noticed as much. However should I wear something provocative then I'll get a few hits from guys. I like the attention still and it makes me feel good. I have never made fun of a guy who tried but ALL of my friends at some point openly laughed and joked about a guy who was asking them for a number. I think that sort of thing is cruel but if I don't like a guy I will just say no sorry I have a bf that's the easiest way. I remember one time I was at a club and spilled something on my shirt, a guy walked over and said "can I help you with that?" and he wasn't talking about cleaning it LOL How come women who go clubbing alot thrive on attention? Or just in general, why do women wear provocative clothing to, oh say, go to school? Or go to the grocery store? Is it wrong of me if I look at a woman who's wearing something that grabs attention, and just kind of already know what she's about? Like "Wow, that's hot. She knows what she's doing wearing that..cry for attention." Type of deal. Cause that's what it is isn't it? Something for them to feel good about themselves due to the amount of external validation they get? Like women who go to the gym in just a sports bra and very tight leggings. So basically the only thing covered is their breasts, and everything from the waist down. And they'll usually be frequenting the areas with mostly men in it. Isn't that the same thing? Yeah she's working out, but did she really have to get all sexified out? Is the attention really THAT important to some women? Is that some way of placing value on themselves? I saw this one woman, she was wearing just that. She had on a sports bra, and some leggings...with the classic Ed Hardy hat. Ontop of that, when I was looking in her direction, I noticed her pull down her leggings so her "Tramp Stamp" would be visible. Laughing, I shook my head. Like wow, really? Attention means that much to women huh? And what's good with women who are already in a relationship but still need that kind of attention? Isn't that a bad thing? Why would a guy want to be with a woman like that, one who's going to require the attention of other men aside from her boyfriend/husband...and dresses provocatively to secure that attention. How about women who own a facebook, and they've only got pictures of them wearing provocative clothing up. And in half of them, her cleavage is like a foot away from the camera. **** like that just irks me lol, attention whoring wouldn't you say? Another example is a classmate of mine, she ONLY wears extra tight black leggings to class. And her ass is just ridiculous, yeah I checked it out. Guilty as charged. But she actually has the nerve to say that it's the only thing she can fit into. And she's always saying things that direct attention to her leggings. So I called her out on it, told her that it's just a cry for some external validation. She was pretty upset, and then got EVEN more upset when I proceeded to flirt with another woman in class, a woman who I am thoroughly interested in. Why do some women THRIVE on attention like this? Wow it's mind boggling and kind of annoying. Is that hard wired in the biological make up of women? Do they LIVE for being valued by men? Wth? That **** just screams insecure to me. :S Edited February 3, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
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