tiger20 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 What shall I do if I am in a situation where the woman I'm dating wants marriage in her future but I don't. Let's say I have been honest & upfront with her from the first date that I don't want to get married or have kids but she goes ahead and continues to go out with me anyway? Does this mean she has false hopes that I will change my mind over time? Should I take charge of the situation & break it off with her anyway? I get the sense that even if I am honest & upfront from the beginning about not wanting marriage & the woman continues to date me then that usually means she hopes I'll change my mind with time. Therefore to continue seeing her would be taking advantage of her even though I have been honest? I am 1000% sure I don't want marriage. Ideally if a woman was ok with it I would date her the rest of my life by seeing her 2 to 3 times a week until the end of time. But I don't think any woman would be happy with that arrangement even if she verbally agrees to it.
edgeofdarkness Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 b upfrnt bout what u want, b homest and be strsight. rest is up 2 her. she cant say l8-r that u led hr on.
O'Malley Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I get the sense that even if I am honest & upfront from the beginning about not wanting marriage & the woman continues to date me then that usually means she hopes I'll change my mind with time. Therefore to continue seeing her would be taking advantage of her even though I have been honest? Unfortunately, some people will believe that you'll change your mind when you're older, or that some kind of ultimatum can be reached if you've been in a relationship long enough. You did the right thing by making your feelings about marriage known early on. However, you're now fully aware that it's not compatible with her needs. I'm sure you know what you should do, even if it's not the easiest choice.
Seamless74 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 no she cant say that but what she will do is at some point maybe at your most vulnerable.. Is issue the no pussy ultimatum and try to get you to bite down hard at that point.. High risk move on her part but if you fall victim to pussy deprivation like 90% of men then youll say..... Okay, maybe i do wanna marry you. And then your life as u know it will be over...
HappyAgain Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Being a woman myself I can admit that many women are like that - they hang on hoping that they will get you to change your mind in time. You have been honest with her and if you are a 100% certain that marriage is not in the cards for you, break it off because she will continue to think that she'll be able to change your mind until one day she will have to finally admit it and then she'll be hurt and will blame you. I'm probably going to get flack for saying it but it's true no matter which way you dice it. OTOH, I am one of those women who has no plans on getting married again. I've been with my partner for a while now and we are happy as we are. We each have our own homes although we spend most of our time at one's place or the other but we don't see any reason to change our arrangement. We are both independent, financially self-sufficient, secure in ourselves, and have lives outside of each other. It just "works" for us. However, we have both been married in the past so we already have gone that route and see that marriage would make no difference to our feelings for each other. We both feel secure in our mutual respect and feelings for each other. We may decide to move in together in the future (I'm the one stalling on that change) but marriage I don't see anywhere in the future. It may be because of our previous marriages that this works for us but I just wanted to say that there are women who would be content to "date" you for the rest of their lives - you just have to keep looking for her.
Eeyore79 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I think perhaps she's hoping that you might change your mind in the long term. You need to have a chat with her and clarify your position; it's possible that she's just using you for company and sex until a more suitable guy comes along. Either way, the relationship is unlikely to have long term prospects because you both want different things. If you're both happy with a short term fling then by all means continue dating, but neither of you should be under any illusions about the relationship lasting in the long term.
Author tiger20 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Well I've eliminated the possibility that any woman will use me for sex because I don't like to have sex anyway. I've also eliminated the possibility that they could withold sex as a weapon to give me an incentive to marry them since I don't like sex. So these tactics wouldn't work on me. So she might be using me for my company until a guy comes along that wants marriage. That's possible. So I have to be on the lookout for that. I won't even bother starting anything serious with her. I just need to find women who have already been divorced. Those women are the best chance I have of being compatible with.
SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Laughing my ass off!! Wasn't this discussed before in your previous threads under a different name?
Author tiger20 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Yeah I'm back again. Just don't report me this time.
anne1707 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I didn't report you last time. Or the time before that or the ti..... There are plenty of others on here who find you irritating and are happy to report you without me having to do so
Author tiger20 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 I didn't report you last time. Or the time before that or the ti..... There are plenty of others on here who find you irritating and are happy to report you without me having to do so So what made you stop reporting me?
anne1707 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Maybe I don't report you because you are not worth the effort.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I'm guessing this thread will get shut down if we continue to talk about reporting the OP. Obviously we know that you have posted on this before. She probably is hanging on to false hope. Break up with her if you don't ever want marriage, otherwise you are taking advantage of her.
Author tiger20 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) I never made a thread before on this subject. In the past I did ask how early in dating I should let a woman know that I don't want marriage. That question was already settled long ago. However today is the first time that I asked about what to do if the woman agrees to continue seeing me anyway even after I've made it perfectly clear that I don't want marriage in my future. We already know that she can't withold sex as an incentive to get me to marry her since I don't like sex anyway. Many women complain about men getting the milk for free & not buying the cow. I don't even want the milk. I can get my own milk through masturbation. If anything I want sex even less than I want marriage. If a woman would be content with a sexless marriage then I might give some thought to marrying her. Edited February 2, 2011 by tiger20
LexiB Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I never made a thread before on this subject. In the past I did ask how early in dating I should let a woman know that I don't want marriage. That question was already settled long ago. However today is the first time that I asked about what to do if the woman agrees to continue seeing me anyway even after I've made it perfectly clear that I don't want marriage in my future. We already know that she can't withold sex as an incentive to get me to marry her since I don't like sex anyway. Many women complain about men getting the milk for free & not buying the cow. I don't even want the milk. I can get my own milk through masturbation. If anything I want sex even less than I want marriage. If a woman would be content with a sexless marriage then I might give some thought to marrying her. Wow. Does your current SO know how you feel about sleeping with her as well? If she's choosing to stay with you knowing both of those issues [assuming your sex drives are at odds the way your views on marriage are], then she's a glutton for punishment, poor dear.
zengirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 This sounds like it shall not end well. You really don't like sex? How sad. I don't mean that in a condescending or critical way. It really does sound sad.
Questionis Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Some women don't want to get married and not every relationship ends in marriage. I think if later on she wants to get married she can always break it off with you and find someone who fives her what she wants.Its true she may just stay with you till she finds someone else but divorced women could do the same thing
Author tiger20 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 (edited) So in other words if a woman agrees to go out with me even after I have made it perfectly clear that I do not want marriage in my future then I should continue dating her at my own risk. There's always a risk that she will change her mind in a year or two & say "This isn't working for me. I want to be married" even if marriage is not an important issue to her now. But I guess there's all kinds of risks that you take when dating huh. The only way to not take any risks is to not date at all. We can't help the fact that people do change their minds over time about what they want & don't want in a relationship Edited February 3, 2011 by tiger20 information included
Questionis Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 But if you catch her checking out wedding dresses ....:laugh:
stillafool Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 no she cant say that but what she will do is at some point maybe at your most vulnerable.. Is issue the no pussy ultimatum and try to get you to bite down hard at that point.. High risk move on her part but if you fall victim to pussy deprivation like 90% of men then youll say..... Okay, maybe i do wanna marry you. And then your life as u know it will be over... If a woman thinks like this she would have to think she is the only woman in the world. Fortunately for OP there are more women out there so sex deprivation shouldn't be a problem for him. If the OP really feels she is trying to trap him, he should walk away.
Titania22 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 If anything I want sex even less than I want marriage. If a woman would be content with a sexless marriage then I might give some thought to marrying her. Seriously tiger20, It sounds like you are looking for a female best friend, rather than a relationship. As you know I agreed with you that I also would be happy to find someone who is happy to see me a couple of times a week forever and no worries of marriage, but I still want to have sex. If I didn't want to have sex, I wouldn't be wanting a relationship.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 I won't even bother starting anything serious with her. I just need to find women who have already been divorced. Those women are the best chance I have of being compatible with. Many women love sex. So, since you don't like sex, I suggest you find someone who doesn't like sex either and is looking for something casual, not too serious, just friendship and companionship.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 So in other words if a woman agrees to go out with me even after I have made it perfectly clear that I do not want marriage in my future then I should continue dating her at my own risk. Chances are once she finds out you don't like sex, she isn't going to want to get married.
Recommended Posts