Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Based on your other threads, I'd be out of there if I were you. But if you want to make a last ditch attempt, identify the key issues where you want him to change, tell him you need to see improvements in those areas by some kind of set timeline, and make it clear to him that otherwise you're out. What uol said, basically. Thank you for your reply. I'm sitting upstairs at the mo thinking about what to do, listening to him chatting to his friends on xbox. If I ask him to move out of here then like the last relationship, it'll be for good and I'll be moving on. I like to make sure I have made every effort.
tinktronik Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Like I said, if you can't be helpful then please go post on some other threads. I don't need to be called a doormat by people I am asking for opinions and advice from. Weeble, do you just want to be told his actions are OK? You are being a doormat... So stop it! Stick up for yourself. Best advice is he is not going to change, he does not want to, so your option is to just take whatever bits he is willing to dole out or leave.
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Well, go find someone else, then. Doesn't look like it's possible with him Maybe you're right and I'll be posting again single in a month. Thank you for being kind though.
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Weeble, do you just want to be told his actions are OK? You are being a doormat... So stop it! Stick up for yourself. Best advice is he is not going to change, he does not want to, so your option is to just take whatever bits he is willing to dole out or leave. Nope, I basically want to validate my feelings because I don't trust myself not to overreact sometimes.
denise_xo Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Thank you for your reply. I'm sitting upstairs at the mo thinking about what to do, listening to him chatting to his friends on xbox. If I ask him to move out of here then like the last relationship, it'll be for good and I'll be moving on. I like to make sure I have made every effort. I think the best effort you can make is to play the ball back in his court. You can't 'change him'. It's up to him. And if there are things he wants to be different in your relationship, he has to communicate them and then it's up to you whether you accept it/want it that way or not. If he starts shouting at you again when you're having that chat, it's a dead end. There's no way you'll survive in the long term if you can't communicate together.
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 I think the best effort you can make is to play the ball back in his court. You can't 'change him'. It's up to him. And if there are things he wants to be different in your relationship, he has to communicate them and then it's up to you whether you accept it/want it that way or not. If he starts shouting at you again when you're having that chat, it's a dead end. There's no way you'll survive in the long term if you can't communicate together. Do you mean play him at his own game? I'm thinking of talking to him, as denise_xo said. I feel frustrated and helpless.
utterer of lies Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Maybe you're right and I'll be posting again single in a month. Thank you for being kind though. Better single than in a R like this. I have never regretted ending something, only ending it too late.
denise_xo Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Do you mean play him at his own game? I'm thinking of talking to him, as denise_xo said. I feel frustrated and helpless. No, no game playing. I meant that you should allocate responsibility where the responsibility belongs. Make him accountable for his part of the job in terms of making this relationship work (just like you should be aware of and accountable for your part of the equation). Does that make sense?
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Better single than in a R like this. I have never regretted ending something, only ending it too late. I think I can agree with you there, I'm not going to wait several years and 3 stone later again..
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 No, no game playing. I meant that you should allocate responsibility where the responsibility belongs. Make him accountable for his part of the job in terms of making this relationship work (just like you should be aware of and accountable for your part of the equation). Does that make sense? He just came and asked if he'd pissed me off - I said I thought he'd been inconsiderate. Which then led me on to tell him that I'm fed up of always being considerate of him which I don't feel is reciprocated, that it has been 2 months of things being like this and I've had enough. I said I want us to actively pursue a happy relationship and that I feel like I'm the only one doing it and that he's taking me for granted with household tasks etc. For once it got said not in an argument. He trotted out the excuses of not having money and having been stressed starting a new job. I said putting effort into the relationship doesn't need to cost money and we can talk about stressful things and have fun to make life not so stressful. He's downstairs cooking dinner now. I've said that if things carry on the way they are then I will think about moving on, as I feel I've already said this and not got anything back.
denise_xo Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 He just came and asked if he'd pissed me off - I said I thought he'd been inconsiderate. Which then led me on to tell him that I'm fed up of always being considerate of him which I don't feel is reciprocated, that it has been 2 months of things being like this and I've had enough. I said I want us to actively pursue a happy relationship and that I feel like I'm the only one doing it and that he's taking me for granted with household tasks etc. For once it got said not in an argument. He trotted out the excuses of not having money and having been stressed starting a new job. I said putting effort into the relationship doesn't need to cost money and we can talk about stressful things and have fun to make life not so stressful. He's downstairs cooking dinner now. I've said that if things carry on the way they are then I will think about moving on, as I feel I've already said this and not got anything back. Good job!
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Good job! Thanks for the advice!
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Like I said, if you can't be helpful then please go post on some other threads. I don't need to be called a doormat by people I am asking for opinions and advice from. Weeble you are out of order. The last time you needed 'help' the EdgeofDarkness put a lot of effort into it if I recall. Now you don't like what you hear you're being rude.
denise_xo Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Weeble you are out of order. The last time you needed 'help' the EdgeofDarkness put a lot of effort into it if I recall. Now you don't like what you hear you're being rude. As an aside, his text speak doesn't help. I think someone else said that to him the other day. I find that when I have to decode text message language it doesn't do the poster any favour. Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm getting old
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Hi Denise, I know I sometimes read them in code, but maybe he has a learning disability or an eye problem. I have one forum friend who has to have the screen size at 400% to see the posts.
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Weeble you are out of order. The last time you needed 'help' the EdgeofDarkness put a lot of effort into it if I recall. Now you don't like what you hear you're being rude. It was certainly not my intention to be rude, but rather than being called a doormat I'd prefer some constructive advice. I appreciate all advice and 'help' people can give me.
harmfulsweetz Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Weeble you are out of order. The last time you needed 'help' the EdgeofDarkness put a lot of effort into it if I recall. Now you don't like what you hear you're being rude. I do agree, in part, because I feel the edge of darkness has it spot on. But as denise said, it's all to do with how it is written, and I don't think it's caused by a learning disability, it just looks like laziness to me. Text speak on a forum is difficult to read, and a lot of people will instantly think 'troll'. Also, from what I read, the edge of darkness did seem to be goading Weeble, so I think he/she was out of order there. Just because a poster put a lot of effort into helping someone in one thread, does not grant them free reign over every other thread to say as they please, due to the OP feeling indebted or grateful for previous advice. Anyway, Weeble, you've posted a lot about this guy, none good, I just wonder how much you will put up with before snapping? It seems like a lot or I have a low tolerance? I think he's become complacent about your relationship, not interested in meeting your needs, and trying to work with you to have a healthy, happy relationship. I honestly do not know why you took the step in moving in with him, maybe you thought things would change? I've always found that when I've had to bring things up to a partner before, they change it for a few days, then it just goes back to normal. I just think if he was bothered about you, he wouldn't be sitting playing xbox all the time while you cook/clean etc. He also wouldn't drop you in it. There is zero excuse for what he is doing to you, but the fact that you put up with it, makes it acceptable. If you accept bad behaviour, and poor treatment, that's exactly what you will get. Do I think he cares? Maybe, but if he cared about you, you wouldn't have to tell him these things for him to know. In my opinion at least. It is your responsibility to ensure your needs are met, and I sincerely hope he does change, and it works. I just think in another month there'll be something else.
Author weeble78 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 I do agree, in part, because I feel the edge of darkness has it spot on. But as denise said, it's all to do with how it is written, and I don't think it's caused by a learning disability, it just looks like laziness to me. Text speak on a forum is difficult to read, and a lot of people will instantly think 'troll'. Also, from what I read, the edge of darkness did seem to be goading Weeble, so I think he/she was out of order there. Just because a poster put a lot of effort into helping someone in one thread, does not grant them free reign over every other thread to say as they please, due to the OP feeling indebted or grateful for previous advice. Anyway, Weeble, you've posted a lot about this guy, none good, I just wonder how much you will put up with before snapping? It seems like a lot or I have a low tolerance? I think he's become complacent about your relationship, not interested in meeting your needs, and trying to work with you to have a healthy, happy relationship. I honestly do not know why you took the step in moving in with him, maybe you thought things would change? I've always found that when I've had to bring things up to a partner before, they change it for a few days, then it just goes back to normal. I just think if he was bothered about you, he wouldn't be sitting playing xbox all the time while you cook/clean etc. He also wouldn't drop you in it. There is zero excuse for what he is doing to you, but the fact that you put up with it, makes it acceptable. If you accept bad behaviour, and poor treatment, that's exactly what you will get. Do I think he cares? Maybe, but if he cared about you, you wouldn't have to tell him these things for him to know. In my opinion at least. It is your responsibility to ensure your needs are met, and I sincerely hope he does change, and it works. I just think in another month there'll be something else. Thanks for your response. I guess I felt I wanted to give moving in a go and if it all went t*ts up then so be it. I'd rather it goes completely wrong than waste years finding out. I've got to the point where I'm fed up of this excuse or that and am now starting to look elsewhere for people to be with and plans for what I can do should we split up. In my gut I feel that things may be not right and coming to an end, but I've walked away from a relationship too early before and regretted it, I would rather it be this way round.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 If he's treating me this way does it show he has fallen out of love with me? No it means he's settling himself to be pampered. Really, you clean, cook and f--k him? You're better than the maid and he doesn't even need to pay you. Get the drift?
edgeofdarkness Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 As an aside, his text speak doesn't help. I think someone else said that to him the other day. I find that when I have to decode text message language it doesn't do the poster any favour. Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm getting old I hv a sreious disroerder. Its very har fr me 2 posrt accrately. soery if it effoends ppl. Tony tgv me an infraction fr my psots but i cant hlp my aflfction. but writtying keeps me alerr n in touch witj ppl but if ebeery word is perfrct it wd tk me a week to werite a pst. i cut n past wen i can ok m levinfg forum now. thnkx to all who sad smthingh fr me. sorry 2 otrhews fr n e offense. by all.
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I hv a sreious disroerder. Its very har fr me 2 posrt accrately. soery if it effoends ppl. Tony tgv me an infraction fr my psots but i cant hlp my aflfction. but writtying keeps me alerr n in touch witj ppl but if ebeery word is perfrct it wd tk me a week to werite a pst. i cut n past wen i can ok m levinfg forum now. thnkx to all who sad smthingh fr me. sorry 2 otrhews fr n e offense. by all. I remembered vaguely there being a reason for the way you typed but I couldn't recall what it was. Don't leave, carry on posting if it makes you happy.
utterer of lies Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Sorry to derail the thread even more, but ... I hv a sreious disroerder. Its very har fr me 2 posrt accrately. soery if it effoends ppl. Tony tgv me an infraction fr my psots but i cant hlp my aflfction. but writtying keeps me alerr n in touch witj ppl but if ebeery word is perfrct it wd tk me a week to werite a pst. i cut n past wen i can ok m levinfg forum now. thnkx to all who sad smthingh fr me. sorry 2 otrhews fr n e offense. by all. If one looks at your posting history, it seems this affliction came over you quite recently, after a long string of posts with mostly normal (but bad) spelling. Looks like this is just a troll to make people feel bad...
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Or the condition worsened...though I am intrigued as to what the condition is!!
utterer of lies Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Or the condition worsened...though I am intrigued as to what the condition is!! Laziness when posting from a mobile, I would guess.
zengirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Laziness when posting from a mobile, I would guess. All the posts from January are similar. His posts were better before then, but there was a big gap between August and January; he could easily be telling the truth, and he doesn't seem troll-like in other ways to me. FWIW.
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