giveittofate Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) well to give you a quick background on my breakup, my ex gf broke up with me late November. We were headbutting a more than usual and she was going through a lot with her Grandma dying, finals for school, and having to work...she just said she was overwhelemed and felt the relationship hit a point where the only thing to do was breakup. of course for the first 4 week I did all the things you shouldn't...told her I'd always be there, sent her some lovey dovey texts, called her cold hearted (even though she just turned off that switch and acted like she was fine with it to me) and just didn't give up. After 4 weeks of a pathetic existence and feeling at my all time lowest state ever, I decided to send her one last email explaining every emotion I had, how I still care for her, how I understand I might never talk to her again, and just wishing her luck...after that I went NC Weeks went by and i defintely felt better than that month of december...I mean i still though about her everyday, and longed for her touch, but the pain wasn't nearly as sharp as the first month...after a little over a month of NC I got the call...it made my heart drop and i had no idea why she was calling, maybe it was a misdial?...so i didnt pick up or respond...the next day i got a text saying "i know i didn't take your feelings into consideration with the breakup and I can't go on knowing there's bad blood or hate between us"...i didn't respond initially but a few hours later I responded pretty much saying I don't agree with the way you handled the break up, and you were quite harsh, but I don't hate you. The next day she asked me if I'd like to catch up as 2 people for drinks or dinner...I was at work but responded later with it just wouldn't be right for me because as much as it would put a huge smile on my face and melt my heart I made a lot of progress with getting my life back on track and i don't want to go back to feeling broken again...she then immediately responded with saying how she felt like she had just been hit by a bus, and how that hurts her but she understands. that same night way later at like 2am, she send me a huge text just spilling her guts to me...telling me how she feels like half a person, is depressed, and misses talking to me and sharing stuff with me...she also was saying although she got the best news she's gotten in months with getting into nursing school, she can't seem to drag herself out of bed til 2 everyday and all her friends think she's fine because she acts like a hard ass, when she's really not. I gave it a day to sink in then i called her back..i was quite nervous to hear her voice again in a month and a half...anyways we caught up and at first she just told me how she had so much going on that she couldnt just sit there and be worthless so she acted like the breakup didnt happen, because if she did with everything else going on it would have just consmed her...i told her how i was devestated and worthless the whole month of december, but now am getting better with time...we talked for almost 2 hrs and towards the end like last 30 mins was a ton of laughing and reminicing...i told her that what's meant to be will be always (kind of hinting and hoping for something in the future) That call was a few days ago and since then there has been a few texts exchanged back and forth..nothing about love or missing each other, but just very casual stuff...i haven't even asked her about the whole grabbing drink thing she suggested at first yet. Now my question is how do i handle this? Yes i do love her still and would love another crack at this... I really REALLY don't want to be stuck in a friend zone or something (even though i don't think thats possible with us) She made the initial contact again after a month, do you guys think thats just some crumbs, or by her saying how down she has been a hint for something more in the future? I now feel like texting her a lot, but I'm not allowing myself to do that, because I want to keep my respect and not seem like a doormat and see more initiative from her to talk. anyways fellow LS people, I know many of you have been through the ringer and have gone through a ton and have many experiences and advice to share...I'm 24 and this was my first REAL gf that meant something to me, so any advice or words of wisdom is highly appreciated...thank you all also I should add in that She knows I'm still in love with her and care deeply about her and hope one day to be with her again, but I have did the NC thing wonderfully and I think she see's I can get by with my life (even though its hard) without her, even with all my love for that girl. Edited February 2, 2011 by giveittofate
SDA Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I kinda went through the same thing. It would always be a week of NC on my part and after a week I always got the text..."I miss you so much" "I wanna be with you" but then the next day her feelings would change. So when I left for school I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks and she texted me "just wanting to say hi" I answered and we texted for awhile and it was like how we used to talk, she mentioned that one of the songs i wrote for her was playing on her itunes and how she missed doing things for me. I was so happy to hear from her but at the same time it hurts. Does she miss me? I sure as hell bet she does. Will she come back? Very rarely because of lots of different reasons. But I will not beg anymore and will not try to persuade her to do anything. What I'm saying is that I believe you when you say you wont contact her and don't let her chase you down and build back the respect you deserve. She broke up with you to take a break from everything it seems like. So give her the break and alll the space she wants. Let her contact you and go on without a hitch. If she comes back it will take time so hang in there.
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 You are the man! She will be dropping to her knees for you very soon. But all seriousness keep doing what you're doing, let her contact you EVERY time and only every text her back, never call her - if you miss a call wait for her to call again. Just keep building your own confidence up and work on that in the meantime, she'll dig it.
Author giveittofate Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 SDA- you're right, if anything were to come about again it would take time and have to happen organically....I know damn well she misses me like yours misses you (even though the one i love texted me spilling how emotionally wrecked and sad she is...it was a breath of fresh air to see that side of her and know she has a heart, because she played a stone cold bitch for the first month and a half) I won't lie though hearing from her again after that month of NC gets me excited everytime my phone gets a text, hoping its her...thanks for your words man. depplover-haha, you gave me a good laugh..thanks for that...and you are totally right...i texted her just some small stuff yesterday, no flirting or anything, but I need to let her initiate things....everything I read says girls HATE when guys seems desperate or overly emotional...i was that emotional wreck/doormat dude the first month of our break up, and she was the heartless one....that month was more than enough of being so weak...got to stick with bettering myself and not begging...let her make the moves.
SDA Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 SDA- you're right, if anything were to come about again it would take time and have to happen organically....I know damn well she misses me like yours misses you (even though the one i love texted me spilling how emotionally wrecked and sad she is...it was a breath of fresh air to see that side of her and know she has a heart, because she played a stone cold bitch for the first month and a half) I won't lie though hearing from her again after that month of NC gets me excited everytime my phone gets a text, hoping its her...thanks for your words man. Yeah I had her crying in my arms at one point, December and January we're very confusing months for me and I'm glad to put it all behind me. NC has also helped me to look at the aspects of the relationship as I'm sure you have for your relationship as well. Take it day by day like me.
Author giveittofate Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 I was wondering, she had asked me 2 times like a week ago to grab dinner or drinks and to "just catch up as 2 people" both times i replied now is not good (even though i really wanted too) and there has been no communication in the past couple days...if I don't hear from her in a few more days should I say something like "so about grabbing those drinks?" or will that just be feeding her ego? I just don't want to seem like a pushover or weak, because that always turns off the ladies (that's all everyone says)...and I do know that if we ever did make it work again it wouldn't magically happen overnight...any input? thanks
2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Hi Giveittofate When you said: "it was a breath of fresh air to see that side of her and know she has a heart, because she played a stone cold bitch for the first month and a half) " What kind of things did she do/say? I was wondering because when I broke with my ex (it was kind of mutual break but none of us said it as such) she seemed like she didn't care at all and any time I talked to her on MSN/Text she was kind of cold, a bit cheeky and stuff, never answering texts back after she had initiated etc and not picking up the phone. Did you experience any thing similar? I went NC as I was not healing and kept digging holes for myself. I reckon she was pissed off that it never worked out or something but she has a lot of personal issues i'll not lie, and I think she knows because she half admitted it. How long was your RL? Mine was about 6 months, not very long but we seemed to get on very well and she seemed over the moon first 4 months but went cold, for some reason that i'll probably never figure out. She is quite sensitive and was hurt a lot before and hasn't had that much in way of RL of BFs. 2011
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