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Future reconciliation or no?

cboy90

By cboy90
in Second Chances

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cboy90 Member

cboy90

Posted
Posted

Just need some input on the situation at hand.

Here's the background of my relationship with my ex and why we split

 

  • Starting dating at 17 (both same age)
  • Were together for over 3.5yrs
  • Serious talks of moving in together and getting married
  • Kinda broke up in October of 2010 (tried working on things, only lasted a week)
  • She started being friends with someone from her work during that time and then they started dating the day we broke up (he's a complete 180 from me, no head on his shoulders, 2yrs younger, former drug addict, in rehab for alcohol and drugs, complete loser)
  • Last time we talked (1st of November) she yelled at me and told me that she never wants to see me again and if I come to her work or her apartment that she will be pissed off

Anyways, I initiated NC on the 1st of November and haven't broken it (well sorta). In mid December I phoned her parents (who live 3hrs away) and wished them a merry christmas and happy new year. I've always been close with her parents and their really easy to talk to. I never was set back after that call.

 

Soon after christmas I sent my ex an email saying merry christmas and happy new year. Never got a reply, but was fine with it anyways. By this point in time I was already starting to feel better. Couple weeks later I called her apartment and left her a message saying hi and asking her out for coffee. No reply, oh well.

 

Well, this is where things get sort of odd. I ended getting a really good job after I graduated from my engineering. For this job I had to travel up to the head office for two weeks, right by their parents house. The Friday that I was suppose to head back home for the weekend I ended up grabbing some coffee and heading over to her parents house to say hi (her mom told me that if I ever came to visit my cousin that lives in the area, that she wants me to come say hi).

 

Her parents were at work and her younger sister answered the door. She invited me in and we ended up talking for about 2hrs. Now, during this time I DID NOT bring up my ex AT ALL. Her sister did. And she was asking me questions like: Do I like any girls? Have I been going on dates? stuff like that. During this conversation she told me that after I initiated NC, my ex basically started to act sad. She ended the relationship with this kid after 3 weeks because she knew what she did to me wasn't right. Her sister said that my ex would call her walking home from work and cry about how much she misses me. She also said that they can never really talk to my ex about me because she always tears up and its a really touchy subject with her. Also, she kept asking me if I could ever be friends with my ex or would I want to ever get back together. She mentioned that my ex told her that I called and asked her out. My ex said to her sister that she really wanted to call me back and accept the offer but she was scared that my motives behind asking her out was to just yell at her and get even for all the pain she caused me.

 

So, she's been miserable ever since she left me (hah go figure). Seems like NC works in the better for me and the worst for her.

 

So, currently I am back up at my works head office until this Friday. I will be going for a quick visit to see her parents this week before I head back home. Now, when I get back home, should I go see her at her work? Drop in to say hi and see where it goes from there?

 

Input?

gator12 Established Member

gator12

Posted
Posted (edited)
Just need some input on the situation at hand.

Here's the background of my relationship with my ex and why we split

 

  • Starting dating at 17 (both same age)
  • Were together for over 3.5yrs
  • Serious talks of moving in together and getting married
  • Kinda broke up in October of 2010 (tried working on things, only lasted a week)
  • She started being friends with someone from her work during that time and then they started dating the day we broke up (he's a complete 180 from me, no head on his shoulders, 2yrs younger, former drug addict, in rehab for alcohol and drugs, complete loser)
  • Last time we talked (1st of November) she yelled at me and told me that she never wants to see me again and if I come to her work or her apartment that she will be pissed off

Anyways, I initiated NC on the 1st of November and haven't broken it (well sorta). In mid December I phoned her parents (who live 3hrs away) and wished them a merry christmas and happy new year. I've always been close with her parents and their really easy to talk to. I never was set back after that call.

 

Soon after christmas I sent my ex an email saying merry christmas and happy new year. Never got a reply, but was fine with it anyways. By this point in time I was already starting to feel better. Couple weeks later I called her apartment and left her a message saying hi and asking her out for coffee. No reply, oh well.

 

Well, this is where things get sort of odd. I ended getting a really good job after I graduated from my engineering. For this job I had to travel up to the head office for two weeks, right by their parents house. The Friday that I was suppose to head back home for the weekend I ended up grabbing some coffee and heading over to her parents house to say hi (her mom told me that if I ever came to visit my cousin that lives in the area, that she wants me to come say hi).

 

Her parents were at work and her younger sister answered the door. She invited me in and we ended up talking for about 2hrs. Now, during this time I DID NOT bring up my ex AT ALL. Her sister did. And she was asking me questions like: Do I like any girls? Have I been going on dates? stuff like that. During this conversation she told me that after I initiated NC, my ex basically started to act sad. She ended the relationship with this kid after 3 weeks because she knew what she did to me wasn't right. Her sister said that my ex would call her walking home from work and cry about how much she misses me. She also said that they can never really talk to my ex about me because she always tears up and its a really touchy subject with her. Also, she kept asking me if I could ever be friends with my ex or would I want to ever get back together. She mentioned that my ex told her that I called and asked her out. My ex said to her sister that she really wanted to call me back and accept the offer but she was scared that my motives behind asking her out was to just yell at her and get even for all the pain she caused me.

 

So, she's been miserable ever since she left me (hah go figure). Seems like NC works in the better for me and the worst for her.

 

So, currently I am back up at my works head office until this Friday. I will be going for a quick visit to see her parents this week before I head back home. Now, when I get back home, should I go see her at her work? Drop in to say hi and see where it goes from there?

 

Input?

 

First off, the email, the phone call, the talking to her family. You broke no contact every one of those times. And telling her sister information takes away the mystery from you, especially if you haven't been on dates etc.

 

What you do from here is simple. You do nothing. The fact is your ex may or may not be miserable without you. What you do is stay NC and move on. Evenetually she may decide that she does miss you and wants you back, and she will reach out to you if your relationship meant anything to her. I promise. Both my first love and the girl I thought I was going to marry came back, why? Because we had real love, if it's real nothing will stop her from texting you.

 

First it will be a text. DONT ANSWER

Then maybe another a few days later. DON'T ANSWER

She may start to get pissed off and send an email. DON't ANSWER.

She may call once or twice. DON'T ANSWER

She may call a few more times and actually leave a voicemail. DON'T ANSWER.

Then maybe, just maybe she may call and say she misses you and has been thinking about you. DON'T ANSWER.

 

Wait on it for a few days then call her, make the conversation BRIEF, tell her your sorry you havent been able to talk you've been busy, that you are free to hang at (x) time and do (x) on a certain day, and then tell her you've got to go you're metting your friends or whatever. Keep it short. Make her know you are busy and have a life without her.

 

Fact is, she dumped you, you cannot pursue her. Women are attracted to men they cannot have, to confident men. Not weak men who beg at their feet. If you ignore her attempts to communicate with you, and I mean all of those that I said, she will immediately want you more. You will also then have the power, in effect you will become the dumper just by doing that.

 

She is miserable without you and that is a good sign, but if you pursue her you not only lose all of the power but you let her know that you're still there for her. Sounds good right? WRONG. She will then behappy knowing she has a safety net and she will go and pursue other guys.

 

Now you need to go strict and absolute NC, read the guides in my signature if you want some help. In the end the ball is in her court right now, you do nothing but work on you.

 

So what do you do? Simple, do absolutely nothing.

 

If that advice doesn't you then by all means go ahead and contact her, it may or may not work. But chances are it wont, I don't know your ex, I don't know your breakup. She seems to genuinely miss you and may have used her sister as an in between who knows. The fact is if you contact her, don't lose all of the power. Sure you love her, don't tell her you've been miserable without her etc. If you guys get back together through you initiating it then that's fine, make sure it's on your terms In the end it's up to you if you contact her or not but I'm giving you the reason not to, whereas I'm sure you have a lot of possible reasons to contact her. Both have risks, weigh them and think about it.

 

And advice on scond chances.

You know why most second chances don't work? Because the same old issues rise up again. If you sit there on your ass when you're broken up with and don't make any effort to fix the problems you had in your relationship. Well then the fact is the second time will not work. Communication is instrumental to this, you guys need to establish clear lines of communication or no matter how real the love may be it will fail. Don't let the same problems ruin a second chance, when the reality is a second chance is a whole new relationship.

 

Just my thoughts,

In the end it's your decision.

 

-Gator

Edited by gator12
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