2060955 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I'll try to make a long story short. Here's a quick background.... -I've had bf for 3 yrs, good guy, love him, hope to be married in near future -we live together -he never has done anything to make me worry about cheating -only thing that is weird is that since the beginning he can talk and hold conversation in his sleep, we have started um...being physical lol in the middle of the night and two times, the next day he didnt remember...so i'd guess you'd call it "sleep sex?" -we are young and drink every other weekend or so (we try to save money and are cheap and in school) Ok I think that's pretty much all relevant info for now. So story goes like this....at friends for his bday (mine and my bf's friend). good time but then i wanted to leave (it was 330 am now) and my bf said he wanted to still hang out...blah blah blah we kinda argued about it but we drove separate so i left b/c i didnt wanna be out all night. I could tell he was buzzed when i left, but not too bad. he had said he would be home later ( i yelled at him kinda a little over board due to my buzz as well). anyways, my friend Kristy and I get to my place and go to sleep. At about 530am she texts me saying are u up, he just got home he went to his room but you guys should probably talk tomorrow. so i was like yeah ur right n i went n looked n he was passed out. next morning, everything normal then next day my friend says she has to tel me something. she ends up saying (while crying) that when he had gotten home (she was on couch) he went up to her n layed by her, she thought it was her friend n then realized it was him n got up and said hey i'm not ur girlfriend she's in her room. i guess then, he got up like to go to the other room and then after she layed back down, he got on top of her trying to kiss her and saying i know you want it and stuff like that n kristy was pushing him away n saying no n then he got up and said im sorry kristy, dont tell my girl....... ok, so this sucks, n i dunno what to think really. i talked to him bout it n i know truly that he would never intentionally cheat on me...at least not sober. i am a pessimist in the fact that i think that if the situation presented i think probably anybody who is drunk will cheat. but i didnt think he would initiate it...and not with my friend. so, i believe 100% he doesnt remember. but does that matter? i know also that people do black out as i have dont that before myself. but, is it then a drinking "problem" type of thing? he doesn't get drunk a lot at all. but still, it hurts that that happened. at the time, in his head, he must have made it ok, but i know he doesnt remember. i know he regrets it and he knows things gota b different. i think if he doesnt get drunk like that, there will be no potential for that to happen again. am i dumb for thinking this will b ok? i have been cheated on before, and it was where the guy cheated like half the time n i didnt know until later n it was really bogus n it made me a little crazy n it took time for me to get better at trusting. i just dont know what to think.
Author 2060955 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 i added the part about his sleep thing b/c that's just weird thing n i know when he is just in deep sleep or passed out from drinking he can not remember talking to me or me trying to wake him up, or stuff like that. i dont know if it truly is relevant but whatever
heartshaped Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 If he was coherent enough to say not to tell you then he was coherent enough to know what he was doing and the ramifications that would have. If you allow this to slide by saying he wasn't really responsible and that's really what you are trying to say here, then, you will just open up the door for this type of thing to happen again. Even though the truth might hurt, we all have to face it.
Woman In Blue Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 i am a pessimist in the fact that i think that if the situation presented i think probably anybody who is drunk will cheat. That's a totally ludicrous premise - and spoken by someone whose too young to know the difference. I'm an adult over 40 and have been under the influence a few times in my life - and it never caused me to cheat. You're desperately looking for ANYTHING to blame his scuzzy behavior on, and if it's booze or sleepwalking or 'blacking out' or 'he doesn't remember,' then you'll use it - whatever gets you through the night, I guess. But claiming to "know" how he feels, what he remembers, and what he was thinking when he did it is completely naive. You only KNOW what he TELLS you, and he's certainly going to try to minimize it as much as possible. Stop making excuses for him and let him MAN up and admit he acted like a horse's ass.
PegNosePete Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I have similar sleep issues to your BF. Sometimes my ex would wake up in the night and I would talk and hold entire conversations, and I would have absolutely no memory of it the next day. But in all of those times I never called her by the wrong name, said or did anything wrong. I think when you're at this level of consciousness your defences are dropped and you act without inhibitions. And believe me I have been extremely drunk on many, many occasions, and never cheated. So yes stop making up excuses, he did what he did because he wanted to.
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