I knew she would call..

[Xewkija]

But I did not answer. It has been 2 weeks since we broke up and one week no contact. She just tried calling twice and then she texted me saying "I tried calling you...)

 

I didn't answer nor did I answer her text.

 

But here's the thing... I do want to get back with her and work everything out that's if she does. I don't know what to do, my birthday is in 4 days also and I want her to have her space as she said she wanted.

 

....so what should I do?

 

Thanks

[Shatter3d]

She just tried calling twice and then she texted me saying "I tried calling you...)

 

Lol, what a stupid thing to text... she rings you twice then says I just tried calling you? Duh no kidding?

 

Stay NC until she has at least something substantial to say...

[Xewkija]

Lol, what a stupid thing to text... she rings you twice then says I just tried calling you? Duh no kidding?

 

Stay NC until she has at least something substantial to say...

 

Haha yeah she's always done that in the pass.

 

I just really want to know if she's thinking about moving on or if she wants to give it another chance, I just want some closure.

[Shatter3d]

I just really want to know if she's thinking about moving on or if she wants to give it another chance, I just want some closure.

 

I hear ya, I do. I needed closure too and I asked my ex if he wanted to move on or possibly give it another chance in the future....I ended up pushing him away... perhaps if I'd given him time he would have come to me.

 

What I'm saying is, let her come to you. Just assume for now its over and move on. I know its easier said than done, but if you try and pressure them for an answer now you will only push them further away.

[Xewkija]

I hear ya, I do. I needed closure too and I asked my ex if he wanted to move on or possibly give it another chance in the future....I ended up pushing him away... perhaps if I'd given him time he would have come to me.

 

What I'm saying is, let her come to you. Just assume for now its over and move on. I know its easier said than done, but if you try and pressure them for an answer now you will only push them further away.

 

 

I'll take your advice but won't she stop if I dont answer her? When should I answer her back? I was surprised she actually called first instead of texting me. What if she wanted to apologizes or tell me something?

[smudge21]

I'll take your advice but won't she stop if I dont answer her? When should I answer her back? I was surprised she actually called first instead of texting me. What if she wanted to apologizes or tell me something?

 

Tough one there - you want to stay distant and let her do more work, but in the same sense you feel you may appear too distant and then you'll feel bad because you'll believe you may have blown a chance to speak to her.

 

Depending on how long ago it was she contacted you last, I'd give it a day or two and just text back saying simply "sorry, missed your calls. What's up?" - or something like that. It's basic and simple - you're not chasing her or giving her any signals, but in the same sense you're saying you're still here.

 

If she calls after this then of course you must answer (depending on how long she leaves it) and what she has to say and how you respond is totally up to you. It all depends on what you really want.

[Xewkija]

Okay well she ended up calling again and I decided to pick up. I said sorry I missed your first calls but I was laying in bed listening to music. She says it's okay and ask me "how are you doing?" I respond back by saying fine and we talk talked about school and her job and what not, and I just HAD to ask her this question cause it was bothering me so badly so I asked her "So are you moving on or do you plan on getting back together?" she then said well that's a pretty broad question. I don't remember word by word she said but here's what she pretty much said.

 

"I want to be with you really badly but we need to more space and be co-dependent. I love you and I want to be with you but I just want to see what else is out their." then she says "when I say what else is out their I don't mean other guys, to tell you the truth someone asked me to go get coffee and I refused, I'm not looking for another guy or want to move on with another guy I'm looking to move on for myself and see what else is out." she then says "if I'm going to be in any relationship it's going to be with you and no one else"

 

 

That was pretty much it, however she also told her therapist about the situation and told him "I just want a break but I'm afraid he'll move on or find someone new and I'll have to live with that for as long as I live"

 

She also told me that i have been on her mknd everyday but not every sexond and she thinks about me and said "I don't cry myself to sleep or anything like that but I miss you a lot"

 

She also still has the roses on her dresser that I gave her 2 weeks ago. And she said "we will be back together, it could be a few weeks or months but I doubt it will be more then a year" I forgot how that came up BUT after that she got kinda upset/mad, not at me but I guess at her self and that just REALLY confused me, why woukd she be getting mad? She said sorry and said that she wanted to go and ended by saying "I will call you or text you tomorrow" which is today and then we said bye.

 

 

I don't know what to make of this, idk I should be lost and confused or not. I'm trying to "move on" but I'd take her back instantly. I feel like if we text or call everyday now she won't miss me and may not want to be with me either and may not get the space she wanted in the first place, she was very pleased that I even gave her this much space at all.

 

Please help a lost and confused human

 

Thank you

[I have no title]

Okay well she ended up calling again and I decided to pick up. I said sorry I missed your first calls but I was laying in bed listening to music. She says it's okay and ask me "how are you doing?" I respond back by saying fine and we talk talked about school and her job and what not, and I just HAD to ask her this question cause it was bothering me so badly so I asked her "So are you moving on or do you plan on getting back together?" she then said well that's a pretty broad question. I don't remember word by word she said but here's what she pretty much said.

 

"I want to be with you really badly but we need to more space and be co-dependent. I love you and I want to be with you but I just want to see what else is out their." then she says "when I say what else is out their I don't mean other guys, to tell you the truth someone asked me to go get coffee and I refused, I'm not looking for another guy or want to move on with another guy I'm looking to move on for myself and see what else is out." she then says "if I'm going to be in any relationship it's going to be with you and no one else"

 

 

That was pretty much it, however she also told her therapist about the situation and told him "I just want a break but I'm afraid he'll move on or find someone new and I'll have to live with that for as long as I live"

 

She also told me that i have been on her mknd everyday but not every sexond and she thinks about me and said "I don't cry myself to sleep or anything like that but I miss you a lot"

 

She also still has the roses on her dresser that I gave her 2 weeks ago. And she said "we will be back together, it could be a few weeks or months but I doubt it will be more then a year" I forgot how that came up BUT after that she got kinda upset/mad, not at me but I guess at her self and that just REALLY confused me, why woukd she be getting mad? She said sorry and said that she wanted to go and ended by saying "I will call you or text you tomorrow" which is today and then we said bye.

 

 

I don't know what to make of this, idk I should be lost and confused or not. I'm trying to "move on" but I'd take her back instantly. I feel like if we text or call everyday now she won't miss me and may not want to be with me either and may not get the space she wanted in the first place, she was very pleased that I even gave her this much space at all.

 

Please help a lost and confused human

 

Thank you

 

If I were you I would stick to NC.. She is doing nothing but talking and talk is cheap. I bet she is experiencing the well-known GIGS, and she feels bad about it, cause she hurts you, but she can't do anything about it either, and at some point she will stop calling and talking to you.

You just broke up not a long time ago, so the wound is still bleeding for both of you. But at some point, she will move on, because that's what she wants - she wants time, space, etc. And at the point she will move on, she will forget about you, and you will be sad and down asking yourself why she didnt call again. Therefore I advice you to stick to no contact, and just give her the space she is asking for.

She hasnt met anyone else yet, therefore she feels sad, she misses you, and therefore she is calling you. She assures you that she doesnt want to be with anyone else, but beleive me, if she would want to be with you, and live her life with you, she would never break up with you. So there IS something wrong with her feelings for you, and there IS something that makes her want to not to stay together with you.

I would not beleive and rely on her words, not because she is lying, but because tommorow or in a week, she will meet someone else, and these words will have no value anymore. She says it right now, when she is alone, and receives no attention and care from anyone else. As soon as there will be someone out there to talk to her instead of you, and to support,care and give her the attention she needs, she will stop calling you - and beleive me you will feel betrayed and used.

Just understand that if a person really really loves you and wants to be with you, she would NEVER ask for a break, space,time, etc. I call them masks because usually people are hiding behind these words the real motives of the break up - which usually are that they are tired of the relation and they want to be alone, or they dont have the same feelings anymore, or that they just want to date other people and try something new.

Move on, let it go, enjoy your life. And remember no matter what she will say, it has no value until she will do something about it and eventually prove her words! People tend to talk a lot when they are under emotions and feelings, and usually these words dont mean anything after some time.

I hope it helped..

[TheThinker]

Okay well she ended up calling again and I decided to pick up. I said sorry I missed your first calls but I was laying in bed listening to music. She says it's okay and ask me "how are you doing?" I respond back by saying fine and we talk talked about school and her job and what not, and I just HAD to ask her this question cause it was bothering me so badly so I asked her "So are you moving on or do you plan on getting back together?" she then said well that's a pretty broad question. I don't remember word by word she said but here's what she pretty much said.

 

"I want to be with you really badly but we need to more space and be co-dependent. I love you and I want to be with you but I just want to see what else is out their." then she says "when I say what else is out their I don't mean other guys, to tell you the truth someone asked me to go get coffee and I refused, I'm not looking for another guy or want to move on with another guy I'm looking to move on for myself and see what else is out." she then says "if I'm going to be in any relationship it's going to be with you and no one else"

 

 

That was pretty much it, however she also told her therapist about the situation and told him "I just want a break but I'm afraid he'll move on or find someone new and I'll have to live with that for as long as I live"

 

She also told me that i have been on her mknd everyday but not every sexond and she thinks about me and said "I don't cry myself to sleep or anything like that but I miss you a lot"

 

She also still has the roses on her dresser that I gave her 2 weeks ago. And she said "we will be back together, it could be a few weeks or months but I doubt it will be more then a year" I forgot how that came up BUT after that she got kinda upset/mad, not at me but I guess at her self and that just REALLY confused me, why woukd she be getting mad? She said sorry and said that she wanted to go and ended by saying "I will call you or text you tomorrow" which is today and then we said bye.

 

 

I don't know what to make of this, idk I should be lost and confused or not. I'm trying to "move on" but I'd take her back instantly. I feel like if we text or call everyday now she won't miss me and may not want to be with me either and may not get the space she wanted in the first place, she was very pleased that I even gave her this much space at all.

 

Please help a lost and confused human

 

Thank you

 

Wow - i am not surprised you are confused ...

 

It sounds like she needs space and a lot of it to be honest. I dont think that anything that you can do now is going to change anything in an instant.

 

You probably dont want to hear this but it sounds liek like she is stringing you along until she knows what she wants. She is telling you all the things you want to hear so that you put your life on hold, but how long are you willing to wait for her. She says "it could be a few weeks or months" ... Well thats not fair on you at all. She needs to decide what she wants and pretty sharpish. Ok you could probably wait a week, maybe 2 but whats that really going to achieve, if she could put that sort of time limit on it, it may as well have been yesterday. Months - Well look at it this way, you are never going to get them months back, this is YOUR LIFE that she is playing games with here, not hers.

 

I say go back to no contact ... If you start speaking to her again on a regular basis you are going back to hanging off her every word, waiting for that text or phone call and as i mentioned putting your life on hold for her to make a decision on what she wants.

 

Not good for you in any way

 

I should be lost and confused or not

- Well its hard to not be lost or confused by what she says

 

I'm trying to "move on" but I'd take her back instantly

 

This is the part that worrys me - You say you will go back instantly. You do that and you become the doormat that she knows she can walk over when she wants too...

 

IF this does eventually happen you need to take this slowly and go in with a clean slate. Go out on dates a few times a week but let her have her freedom which is what she is asking for.

 

Forget about the past and the things you have done with her and all of that. Make her see you for who you are and be strong to her. Dont walk on eggshells just because she has let you back in or you will constantly be doing it for the rest of your relationship which by all accounts would be destined to fail.

[Xewkija]

If I were you I would stick to NC.. She is doing nothing but talking and talk is cheap. I bet she is experiencing the well-known GIGS, and she feels bad about it, cause she hurts you, but she can't do anything about it either, and at some point she will stop calling and talking to you.

You just broke up not a long time ago, so the wound is still bleeding for both of you. But at some point, she will move on, because that's what she wants - she wants time, space, etc. And at the point she will move on, she will forget about you, and you will be sad and down asking yourself why she didnt call again. Therefore I advice you to stick to no contact, and just give her the space she is asking for.

She hasnt met anyone else yet, therefore she feels sad, she misses you, and therefore she is calling you. She assures you that she doesnt want to be with anyone else, but beleive me, if she would want to be with you, and live her life with you, she would never break up with you. So there IS something wrong with her feelings for you, and there IS something that makes her want to not to stay together with you.

I would not beleive and rely on her words, not because she is lying, but because tommorow or in a week, she will meet someone else, and these words will have no value anymore. She says it right now, when she is alone, and receives no attention and care from anyone else. As soon as there will be someone out there to talk to her instead of you, and to support,care and give her the attention she needs, she will stop calling you - and beleive me you will feel betrayed and used.

Just understand that if a person really really loves you and wants to be with you, she would NEVER ask for a break, space,time, etc. I call them masks because usually people are hiding behind these words the real motives of the break up - which usually are that they are tired of the relation and they want to be alone, or they dont have the same feelings anymore, or that they just want to date other people and try something new.

Move on, let it go, enjoy your life. And remember no matter what she will say, it has no value until she will do something about it and eventually prove her words! People tend to talk a lot when they are under emotions and feelings, and usually these words dont mean anything after some time.

I hope it helped..

 

Very much appreciated, however I don't understand. Before the breakup she told me that she had slight feelings for this other guy but had nothing to do with the breakup but I know I always stopped her and got in her way of trying to have guy friends BUT if she ever did I wouldn't mind as long as shes not cheating on me. Also what I don't understand is how come some guy asked her to go on a "coffee date" and she rejected? I know she cares about me and may love me but not as much as I do. This is the part that makes me stronger knowing that no matter what; I would have never left her for anything or anyone. I wouldn't have left her if I found a new job or went away to school. She told me the MAIN reason why she wanted this break was because I didn't like her working A LOT; THAT is not true, I know she was working a lot but I didn't care I was happy for her but I never showed her that I was. I just was upset because she couldn't make anytime for me, I told her after the breakup that she could have gotten up an hour earlier (she works in the afternoon) and come by my house because her job is on the way to my house and then she said "well you should have told me this before" Yeah maybe I should had but she's bright enough to think about that her self.

 

 

 

Wow - i am not surprised you are confused ...

 

It sounds like she needs space and a lot of it to be honest. I dont think that anything that you can do now is going to change anything in an instant.

 

You probably dont want to hear this but it sounds liek like she is stringing you along until she knows what she wants. She is telling you all the things you want to hear so that you put your life on hold, but how long are you willing to wait for her. She says "it could be a few weeks or months" ... Well thats not fair on you at all. She needs to decide what she wants and pretty sharpish. Ok you could probably wait a week, maybe 2 but whats that really going to achieve, if she could put that sort of time limit on it, it may as well have been yesterday. Months - Well look at it this way, you are never going to get them months back, this is YOUR LIFE that she is playing games with here, not hers.

 

I say go back to no contact ... If you start speaking to her again on a regular basis you are going back to hanging off her every word, waiting for that text or phone call and as i mentioned putting your life on hold for her to make a decision on what she wants.

 

Not good for you in any way

 

- Well its hard to not be lost or confused by what she says

 

 

 

This is the part that worrys me - You say you will go back instantly. You do that and you become the doormat that she knows she can walk over when she wants too...

 

IF this does eventually happen you need to take this slowly and go in with a clean slate. Go out on dates a few times a week but let her have her freedom which is what she is asking for.

 

Forget about the past and the things you have done with her and all of that. Make her see you for who you are and be strong to her. Dont walk on eggshells just because she has let you back in or you will constantly be doing it for the rest of your relationship which by all accounts would be destined to fail.

 

Your right. I don't want to put my life on hold forever and I wouldn't take her back in an instant but I would take her back. You say forger about the pass and the things I have done with her... I KNOW I should but it's wayy easier said then done. Also as for dates... I don't think I'm ready for that honestly.. I can't even hang out with my friends and be happy.. seeing another lady would be even harder. I think I will wait for her to call again and tell her straight out how I feel about everything. I want to tell her so much and tell her that rather she realizes it or not she may be experiencing the GIGS. I want to tell her that if it's friendship she's looking for then it won't work because I can't be friends with someone who I have intense feelings for and in love with. Their is just so much I want to tell her but it's all a mess in my head right now.

 

I think I will write everything down later and then wait for the call, cause I know if we talk daily nothing is going to change.

 

 

Thank You both and any other advice is very much welcomed.

[I have no title]

Very much appreciated, however I don't understand. Before the breakup she told me that she had slight feelings for this other guy but had nothing to do with the breakup but I know I always stopped her and got in her way of trying to have guy friends BUT if she ever did I wouldn't mind as long as shes not cheating on me. Also what I don't understand is how come some guy asked her to go on a "coffee date" and she rejected? I know she cares about me and may love me but not as much as I do. This is the part that makes me stronger knowing that no matter what; I would have never left her for anything or anyone. I wouldn't have left her if I found a new job or went away to school. She told me the MAIN reason why she wanted this break was because I didn't like her working A LOT; THAT is not true, I know she was working a lot but I didn't care I was happy for her but I never showed her that I was. I just was upset because she couldn't make anytime for me, I told her after the breakup that she could have gotten up an hour earlier (she works in the afternoon) and come by my house because her job is on the way to my house and then she said "well you should have told me this before" Yeah maybe I should had but she's bright enough to think about that her self.

 

Xewkija read your own words carefully! she said she had SLIGHT FEELINGS for another guy..Having slight feelings means liking the guy, it doesnt mean that she had slight feelings to be a friend with him, she had slight feelings of LIKING HIM. OF COURSE she told you that it had nothing to do with the break up, she would never say that she just started liking someone else, and her feelings are not as strong as before. OF COURSE she would try making up an excuse the same as she did with telling you, that you didnt like that she was working a lot. SHE KNOWS this is not true, and you know its not true either, and she IS bright enough to think about dropping by your house herself, but she just didnt want to do it because her feelings are just not strong enough. She was not interested in doing that, therefore she broke up with you telling you she needs space. Yes she does, and no matter what she says and how much she calls, it will not change anything, since she already told you she needs time and space. Your conversations will last until the point she will find someone else to talk to and care about her, and since she broke up with you (no matter what reasoning she used for that),she broke up because she wants something new, and most probably someone new. As soon as this someone new will appear, she will stop talking to you.

I just want to prevent you, and clear your mind, before you got dissapointed and sad again. Dont be surprised if in a week or a month she will end up dating another guy, or even the guy she told you she just had slight feelings for.

Loss of enthusiasm, need for space, time, break, etc - should be the red flags for you. All these mean that she is not that much into you anymore, meaning she doesnt have the same feelings anymore.

You have just broken up, so therefore she feels sad, she is missing you, since she has nobody else to miss.

Dont blame yourself, I know you are trying to find excuses for her behavior saying it was because of you and your fault - but it wasnt. I can also see a lot of miscommunication in your relationship, since you guys did one thing and meant another one. You should have talked things out instead of hoping that each one of you will understand what you meant.

Its too late to talk about it though because you're not in a relationship anymore, and I think you should just let her go. Let her experience this life without you, and even with someone else. If she will understand that there is no one better than you she can have, she will come back, and beleive me, if she will REALLY want to come back YOU WILL FEEL IT. She will not only call and give you empty promises, but she will eventually prove her words to you!

Until that happened, try to just live your life and let the pain go.

[TheThinker]

Your right. I don't want to put my life on hold forever and I wouldn't take her back in an instant but I would take her back. You say forger about the pass and the things I have done with her... I KNOW I should but it's wayy easier said then done.

 

Thats part and parcel of it my friend. It is easier said that done ... if this was easy then no-one would be posting including me.

 

 

Also as for dates... I don't think I'm ready for that honestly.. I can't even hang out with my friends and be happy.. seeing another lady would be even harder.

 

Sorry i think you mis-understood me here. I was saying that IF you get back together then this is how you need to do it. Nice and slow, nothing pressured... I wouldnt expect you to go straight out and get with someone else.

 

I think I will wait for her to call again and tell her straight out how I feel about everything. I want to tell her so much and tell her that rather she realizes it or not she may be experiencing the GIGS.

 

I want to tell her that if it's friendship she's looking for then it won't work because I can't be friends with someone who I have intense feelings for and in love with.

 

Their is just so much I want to tell her but it's all a mess in my head right now.

 

I think I will write everything down later and then wait for the call, cause I know if we talk daily nothing is going to change.

 

This is something only you can decide on whether you want to do or not. People can offer advice but its up to you to make the ultimate decision. Just try and let your head rule your heart if you can because you dont want to make this worse for yourself and how you deal with it.

 

Be assured in what you want to say - if it is over the phone and you are adamant that you are going to tell her these things it may be good to have something written down that you can refer to without going around in circles.

 

 

Thank You both and any other advice is very much welcomed

 

No problem at all - its a great place to come and air your thoughts, feelings etc even though i am fairly new here, i feel like i have been here for a long long time ... I think being able to help others helps me at the minute so this is in a way kind of part of my acceptance. I need to learn to practise what i preach, i can see what other people need to do, i need to put that into practise in my own situation.

[depplover_1980]

I think you should tell her 'no phonecalls or contact until you decide what you want' and be quite hard with it. This girl sounds like an attention seeking annoyance (sorry) but from sitting here she is still interested in you and I think by ignoring her and showing her you're in charge she'll be running back. Be tough because right now she doesn't deserve your love.

[Xewkija]

Do you guys think I should send her everything in a message on how I feel about this all or should I wait for her to call and then explain everything to her? I just want to get this off my chest.

[bluebirdsfly]

I think you should tell her 'no phonecalls or contact until you decide what you want' and be quite hard with it. This girl sounds like an attention seeking annoyance (sorry) but from sitting here she is still interested in you and I think by ignoring her and showing her you're in charge she'll be running back. Be tough because right now she doesn't deserve your love.

 

I agree with depp. This kind of calls and texts means nothing, I'm sorry. If you continue to respond to her, she's eating her cake and having it too. She'll never have to choose because she has everything she wants right now.

 

Read the following thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t261461/

[depplover_1980]

Do you guys think I should send her everything in a message on how I feel about this all or should I wait for her to call and then explain everything to her? I just want to get this off my chest.

 

I would do it in an email, then text her to say 'sent you an email' and leave it at that. If you want post it up here and i'll tell you if you're being hard enough. You need to no longer pussyfoot around this girl, she is hurting you and you need to seperate from her.

 

If you did it in a phonecall she would only start trying to manipulate you and until you're stronger it would prob work, so you need to get your strength up.

 

Read my friends thread, I am going through a similar thing and it is hard but the only way these relationships could work again is if the dumper truly wants to try again.

[Xewkija]

I would do it in an email, then text her to say 'sent you an email' and leave it at that. If you want post it up here and i'll tell you if you're being hard enough. You need to no longer pussyfoot around this girl, she is hurting you and you need to seperate from her.

 

If you did it in a phonecall she would only start trying to manipulate you and until you're stronger it would prob work, so you need to get your strength up.

 

Read my friends thread, I am going through a similar thing and it is hard but the only way these relationships could work again is if the dumper truly wants to try again.

 

Hey I actually wrote it in Microsoft word... but it's 4 pages long and thats at 12pt and not even double spaced... I have not yet sent it I don't know if I should add more, I pretty much said everything I wanted to that has been bothering me for the pass weeks. I don't know if I should post it up here I wish I could PM it to you though. Regardless if it was bad or not it's what I feel like I had to say and do but I don't believe I was hard on her at all.