clm3n3 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Want girlfriend back badly!! Ok so here's the story. Girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago. We had been together for about 3 years. We had talked about kids, marriage, all that. Previous to the break-up i had pretty much slumped into a depression and was drinking about 6-7 days out of the week. Ignoring her alot, she would even drive 45 min out to my house after getting off at 11 at night and i would tell her i was goin out to drink with my buddies, even after i told her that, she would stay up untill 3 in the morning till i got home so she could see me. Thats how much she cared about me. Also, i would basically wake up, go to work, drink, rinse and repeat. So in a nutshell i f-ed up alot. At first after the break up i tried to reconcile the break-up by saying "lets not throw away three years" "I realize how un-attentive i've been to you, i can change" "I wanna fight to make this work." etc etc. She said, "I don't know what the future holds but right now is just not a good time." So i say, "Well we should at least stay in touch, and see where each other are at in a couple months." She says ok. We do that for about a month or month and a half, and i basically tell her that i cant do it anymore unless we are moving towards something, and that it's too hard on me emotionally to see her and not know whether i'll ever hold her again, kiss her again etc. She says "I guess i'm thinking about it." Later that week she calls me to say that she doesn't think she can give it another try, and i lose it and do all the stuff your not supposed to do beg etc. She tells me also, that her "friend" that she has known for the last year has expressed some feelings for her, whom by the way she described in the past as "as close to being gay as you can be without being gay", i mean she many a times questioned his sexuality. He has literally done her hair for her on occasion before she went out. Anyway she asks if we can be friends, i tell her basically not to call me, not to text me and to stay the hell away from my family and i de-friend her on facebook. About a month passes and i found out she is dating this dude, the one who came off as gay, and also that she has stayed in touch with my older and younger sisters. About another month passes, and she starts texting me, but it's just friend like chit chat, so i just politley text back, then she says, "Hey can i call you later, i need advice.. i understand if i shouldn't, i wont be mad." I say, "Nah i dont think thats a good idea. We cant do this, we cant chit chat, and be friends. You made the decision to break up. You made the decision to date someone new. I'm not angry at you, i dont hate you, but you knew this was how it was gonna be. I still care about you and i would love for things to work out between us, but you seem to be moving on so if you are then please let me." Also, texted her on thanksgiving just to say that i was incredibly thankful for the time that we did share both the good and the bad. We texted back and forth for a bit she said she didn't know how to respond to that and that she missed me but she didn't know how to handle me texting her after i had been drinking. I said i hadn't been drinking, she said sorry for assuming that, and she just didn't know what to think about anything right now. Waited about a week and texted her saying that the last time i talked to her she seemed kind of confused and was wondering if she wanted to talk about things. She basically said that she is really confused and does have alot of stuff on her mind, but she cant lean on me cause i dont wanna be friends. I basically re-interated that i would love to be there for her but no i dont want to be just friends , and i'm sorry that it had to work out this way. No contact till christmas, she texted me saying marry christmas, and congratulations on the new puppy (my parents bought a new puppy). I just kept it polite and said merry christmas to you too. No contact untill this week, she texts me late saturday night, asking if i had been on some certain road earlier that day. (?) I did not respond. Now today she texts me saying, "Just checking to see how you and your family are doing." Also, forgot to say, that i got my crap together stopped drinking completely, got on some anti-depressants, got way way back in shape, got a new wardrobe, started going to therapy, and signed up to go back to school in the spring. Also my finances were in the crapper, got those back in order as well. P.S. i feel at this point i need to clarify a little, i didn't completely ignore her.., i wasn't verbally mean to her or anything like that, i'm actually a very nice guy, one of the best, or so i'm told by others. I've never cheated on a girl, never raised a hand to a woman, and i am very patient even in heated arguements. Now, that's not to say that due to my emotional neglect, and don't care kind of attitude, that she didn't have grounds to break up with me. I mean i didn't show nearly enough affection as i should have, but i still saw her like 2-4 times a week, we had sex, we talked a ton, she even came out with me and my friends sometimes it's just i was very inconsiderate of her feelings especially on such nights as the ones where she made the effort to come out to see me after getting off late, and i ditched her to go drink, or the nights when she did come out with me and she wanted to go home somewhat early cause she had work in the morning, and she was forced to stay out cause i wasn't ready to go home yet, and i was her ride. Also, we never really hung out much during the day (because i was sleeping off hangovers till i had to go to work). Also, it's not like i'm some deadbeat, i had a full time job, and was going to school full time most of the time we were together. I'm a good guy, i just got stuck in a rut in my life, and i think she got sick of it. What, if anything can i do to save this? My initial thought, is that the new guy is a rebound, but i'm afraid it will turn into something more long term. Should i just be polite and text back something like "Were fine thank you for your concern." Or should i just stick to NC.
Author clm3n3 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Also, i know that if i am to reconcile with her it will probably be after a good long time (8 months to 1 year), and after we have both done some growing. I know personally that i have a ways to go before i could restart a healthy relationship with her.
eeazee Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I totally understand were you are coming from and what you are saying. I know this is the time when you wished you should have taken good care of her when you were together. You never know what you have until its gone....... I think the best thing for you to do right now is to write her a letter or meet up with her if need be, telling her you're truly sorry for the way you treated her when you were together. Let her know you're very sorry and willing to make changes to your lifestyle if given another chance. Try that.
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