Natalie Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I talk to my friend about my relationship problems. I need to vent out and also need a second opinion. But my boyfriend doesn't like it. I understand that, but why won't he then talk to me about our problems?! What am I supposed to do then? I need to let it out and I'm happy I have a friend, who's there for me.
Arabess Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 Don't tell him. Females are more prone to have the need to discuss their relationships....that's what we do. Some guys don't understand this. His concern is probably that you will follow 'her' advice, rather than you own heart on resolving problems. Therefore, don't follow or mention her imput.
Author Natalie Posted March 23, 2004 Author Posted March 23, 2004 I never did. But when it comes to it, I will one day. I'll answer him with: "Why not? YOU don't seem to want to talk about it? YOU are the one I'm supposed to address these issues to, but if you don't care who am I suppose to go to? I need to let it out somehow." I hurt really bad when he doesn't want to talk about our issues. I only get to talk about it at night before going to sleep, because that's the only time I get to be with him face to face. He usually answers with "I don't knows" or he's quiet and goes to sleep. I feel more bothered then, because now it even more feels as if he doesn't care at all. It happens all the time that I just toss and turn until 2 am and he'd be snoring next to me. Lately I have tried different remedies to go to sleep, for instance, I would hit the school books or I'd watch a boring documentary on tv." Not to enjoy myself but rather to suppress my sadness and push aside my questions and fall asleep tired and with tears in my eyes. I hate it so much. I've been trying to talk to him over and over again. Explain to him why he should talk to me and work things out and not keep it bottled up. But sometimes I feel as if I'm with a child and not a grown up.
Arabess Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 Ahhhh....you've expressed the sentiments of MOST women! Truth is, there are some guys who like to talk things out and they become wonderful forum members. Then there are others who don't have a clue how to verbalize their feelings. The more you rag them about it....the more they withdraw. I'm not even sure they would even show up for counselling. I'm not sure if there is a solution...other than having your friends and family to talk to. I'm not sure IF or HOW you could change his behavior. You'll just have to find compromises along the way. Every problem won't get fixed verbally.
moimeme Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I'm a firm believer in not airing relationship problems outside the relationship. If I was in the same unfortunate position you are, I might resort to an anonymous Internet forum, but I'd not stand it for long. If I couldn't persuade him to communicate or go into counselling with me, I'd be gone.
Author Natalie Posted March 23, 2004 Author Posted March 23, 2004 Well that's going to be my next step, moimeme. I am a woman who has lots of patience, but unfortunately it dries up sooner or later too. I have tried and tried. Sometimes I feel that he understands me. But that is after I have talked my throat dry and yet I don't really think he does. I know it's bad to go somewhere else with my problems, but I'd be so stressed out if I don't. I have picked my friend because I'm in a strange country and on my own and besides she seems to be trusted. She has proven to me that she is worth being my friend in many different occassions. My parents are too far away and same is with my other close relatives. This forum helps a lot too.
DebraLee Posted March 26, 2004 Posted March 26, 2004 Recently my husband has convinced me that my friend (who he intorduced me to and wanted me to get close to) is trying to sabatage our relationship. I just can't see why he feels that wasy but I have since been leary of her now. I don't want to be a horrible friend and not be there for her but everytime that he sees her name on the caller ID he thinks I've been bad mouthing him or she is badmouthing him. I dont know. Sometimes I wonder if all the guys Ive ever been with just want to control me and not have ANY friends.
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