moonlight123 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) I know this subject line sounds bad, but I'd like to make it clear that i am NOT the other woman. I'm not even in contact with him. I have an ex and he's engaged and we had a conversation about a month ago where he told me he's still in love with me but cannot change the fact that he's engaged and made the commitment and cannot just leave her for me. I am not actively pursuing him and keeping away out of respect for his relationship. They have been engaged for a year without a wedding plan. They have a pretty unstable relationship but who knows what will happen. They are engaged after all. The only way I'll talk to him is if he contacts me, and I don't know if or when that will happen. I've gone on several dates and cannot seem to forget him!!! With every date I go on I miss him even more. I'm trying to find someone else, someone AVAILABLE but it never works. I think about him all the time. Is it wrong to hold out hopes that one day it will be me and him? Is it wrong to have some kind of hope or am I setting myself up for disappointment? Oh, I forgot to say that he is not sure whether they will work out or not and they may/may not get married. Edited February 2, 2011 by moonlight123
SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I feel for you .... :-( I wish I had more to say
muse08 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) You're setting yourself up if you don't force yourself to forget about him. I feel your pain...But you're probably gorgeous and have a lot going for yourself. Be encourage and the pain will fade with time and energy being put into yourself and your own relationship. What I will say is pls be fair to the next guy by not comparing him to the other guy. Apologies for not reading completely at first! I just edited what I posted a minute ago. Hope you didn't get offended. Edited February 2, 2011 by muse08
stillafool Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I've been in your situation and I can tell you that if he really loved you he would break off his engagement. That's it plain and simple! The words of love mean nothing without action. What is holding him back from being honest at this point since they haven't set a wedding date? If you really want him to make a move, stop dating someone else's fiance and tell him that you will believe he loves you when he breaks off his engagement and tells his fiance the truth. If you keep dating him he will marry her and still expect you to be there on the side.
muse08 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 ...and we had a conversation about a month ago where he told me he's still in love with me but cannot change the fact that he's engaged and made the commitment and cannot just leave her for me... This is what makes me laugh. Do men really think that mere words will make women jolt and bolt to wait in the wings for them, emotionally. Not saying that he asked you to do that. But what was his point for telling you he was still in love with you. That's so disrespectful to his fiance and to your intelligence, I hope. Is he even REALLY getting married? I had an Ex who I broke up with and told to stay away (verbally and legally). He called me telling me he was getting married like a few weeks after we broke up. For what? I wanted nothing to do with him and I was happy for him to be honest! That's how insane he was. Whether your ex is trying to make you jealous or not, he sounds a bit off by telling you he's still in love with you when he's about to marry some other woman.
Nexus One Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 But what was his point for telling you he was still in love with you. Whether your ex is trying to make you jealous or not, he sounds a bit off by telling you he's still in love with you when he's about to marry some other woman. It is actually possible for a human to be in love with 2 or more persons at the same time.
Questionis Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 What is it about him that you miss? Try looking for guys with similar qualities. That way you won't be so tempted to seek him out
Ay Diesel T Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 How is the OP NOT the other woman? The man being discussed isn't with her, but with another woman, and the OP is still in contact with him, lurking and waiting for his relationship to fail with his fiance. That's pretty messed up. OP, how come you're still in contact with him, and him with you? You both have feelings for each other but he's in a relationship, and not just any relationship, he's engaged. The two of you know should know better. So why play with fire only to get burned, and burn his fiance in the process?
Cee Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I would suggest that you stop dating to get over him. Rebounding is not a good way to heal. The way you will get over him is to be alone for awhile and fall in love with yourself all over again. Rebuild your sense of self and this man will become less important. You might even realize that he's a creep. Give it time. You will get over him.
Jazzari Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 You say this is your ex. Why did your relationship break up? Are you sure you love him now, or is it a matter of wanting what you can't have? Or being jealous of his fiance? Or even just a matter of forgetting all the things that made it not work in the first place and romanticising the whole thing? In any case, I think you need to steer clear. If he wanted you, he would break off the engagement and come get you. It sounds like he is using you as a backup in case this relationship doesn't work. That isn't good.
Joe Normal Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Why stay away? Contact him (non-sexually) and figure out how to break the engagement and get him to dump her. Then, once he's single, make your move. If you think this is too Machiavellian, just ask "What would Jane Austen do?"
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